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TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: Being Dismissed!! (2/7/2013 4:21:20 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fuqedupgirl
Please is there A/anyone in here that has some helpful suggestions on how to get over Him? How do i pick up the pieces of my shattered life while im aching? i have a slave's heart and by myself im useless. i am having a hard time making any kind of decisions without guidance.
I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt. hugs.
In another post here, you say that you were in service to your children. Wow, do I understand that one! Like you, I raised 4 kids alone. That took some serious decision-making skills on my part. You, too? That's experience that can be built upon. :) It took me a full year, though, after they had finally flown the nest, to figure out HOW to make decisions. My previous criteria, "What's best for the kids" was a rock solid guide and I knew what to do (usually). What I had no experience in was making decisions based on what was best for me - directly. So, that was unsettling. What a drop! My previous, "can do" attitude was gone. I got it back, but it took some time, it took some trial and error, and it took a lot of letting go. The point is, we all have a hard time making decisions. It's a crap shoot. There's nothing wrong with feeling unsure. Just try to treat yourself, and others well, and honor your own effort.
Okay, practical tips on getting over Him...
Decide that you want to get over him. If you don't want to, then you won't. It is possible to remain in the exact state of mind that you are feeling now. Choose not to. Use a pros and cons list. In my mind, knowing very little, I'd start the pros (of why to get over him), with these three things:
1) The love of my life would not be treating me this way, so letting go of this guy, makes room for the true love to enter.
2) I don't think we were compatible because I don't want a torch-singed pussy and he loves the idea.
3) This guy and I inspired impulsive behaviors in each other which made us both unsatisfied (to say the least).
Okay, these are NLP techniques. (Neuro-linguistic programming) That means our brains associate thoughts with pain or with pleasure. We CAN take control of that process and not be subject to dis-empowering thoughts. You may have to repeat this frequently, at first, but it will surprise you how quickly you can create changes in your thoughts and feelings.
Thought-stopping. As you find yourself obsessing, picture a huge stop sign popping up in front of your eyes. His name, stop sign, his name, stop sign. That is a beginning. Practice it and your brain will obey.
Once you have practiced that, then add some words. So, you think of him, see the huge stop sign pop up, and then say a sentence (in your head). This is one way to take advantage of that post-breakup obsessing. Pick a sentence that you want to have emblazoned in your mind. For instance, "What can I do right now to take better care of myself?" or "My true love needs me to clear my heart for him beginning now." Do be careful because this works. I have an ex-husband. I was angry. I can no longer think of his name without immediately thinking, "F###ing Hell." Really, and it's been 15 years!
Fantasy-stopping. This is about stopping the visions of what you thought it was going to be, what you still may hope it could miraculously become... it's the real drug stuff. You know, the daydream about the sex, the cuddles, the shared looks, memories and hopes all mixed up and bubbling in a deep sea of emotional yearning.
See it as a movie being shown up on a huge screen. Great musical score, full range of colors, the temperature, the pace... the perfection of it all. So real, so intense, so sublime.
Okay, now, as you "watch" the movie, take away the sound. Take away the motion - it's a photograph now. Take away the colors. Now, shrink the picture until it turns into a small dot in the middle of the screen. Now, "send" the dot, off into space where it becomes ??? a black hole or a shining star of illumination to guide your future or... whatever works for you. Repeat as needed.
Haunting phrases stopping. Say you are haunted by a special phrase that makes you yearn or by a hurtful phrase that makes you suffer. Either way, go ahead and remember it. Picture him saying it. Okay, now, turn his voice into Mickey Mouse's, or the Chipmunks... something that totally deflates the sway of the memory. Speed up the voice, then make it silent, but have the mouth still moving feverishly. Hear James Earl Jones saying, "And that's all, folks!" We all know that is where the cartoon ends.
Good luck!
BTW, these techniques work for any situation. Got a boss, in-law... whomever, who just gets under your skin when they keep saying something? Go ahead, give them a cartoon voice. Repeat it - you might just interrupt the unwanted feeling response, at first, but with practice, you can start to giggle. That often happens the first time, though! It also works on yourself if you have a habit of saying negative things, like, "I'm stupid" or "I can't," etc... Go ahead, take control of the habit - mock it, diffuse its power, set yourself free!
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