RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (Full Version)

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RedMagic1 -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/16/2013 1:03:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manxcabbit
Basically what I'm taking away from a few of these posts is because I have very little money I can't be dominant or truly have power in a relationship with a sub male because I don't have the funds to continually pay for dates and events. What horse shit.

I haven't read the whole thread, but in case you were talking about something I wrote, that's not my position. My position is this: no matter who calls themselves the dominant, or master, and no matter who calls themselves the sub or slave, the person with more power in the relationship is the one who is more willing to walk away from the relationship. If a woman finds herself in a situation where her income, housing, etc., is 100% dependent on the man in her life, she isn't in a dominant position in the relationship. (The same is true, in reverse, if the man is 100% economically dependent on the woman.) She might be dominant as long as everything is coming up roses, but if there's a problem, she has far, far more to lose.



kalikshama -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/16/2013 6:13:22 PM)

quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.



Oneechan -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/18/2013 1:59:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw
For ME, if I ask someone to meet me for lunch I am planning on paying
If someone asks me to lunch I assume they are paying.


generally this. whoever proposed the date should be the one expected to pay, unless specified otherwise. maybe that's just me ^^

if the plan is to split the bill, then i'd generally suggest something casual like a coffee. for me, the romanticism is kind of lost when going to a fancy cuisine restaurant and splitting things evenly.



TAFKAA -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/18/2013 2:04:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.
Yes, and the same goes for her.



LaTigresse -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 10:05:17 AM)

FR

If I cannot afford to pay for what I consume then I shouldn't be consuming.

If I WANT to buy for someone else, then I will. If the other person WANTS to pay for me, then they can.

People need to quit making this shit out to be major life drama.



Subano -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 10:07:29 AM)

After reading all this complex stuff, what I find the simplest solution was the proposal that the one in power pays, period.



LaTigresse -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 11:40:48 AM)

Whatever works for you and your s.o.



LadyPact -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 12:35:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.
Yes, and the same goes for her.

I'd actually agree with this. We're talking about lunch here. Not some major financial investment.

I will say this. I'm more likely to go dutch or insist on picking up the entire check. The polite thing for the latter is for the other person to be willing to leave the tip and be generous when doing it. I can't be the only one who thinks that helps to make a good impression.





Baroana -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 12:40:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.
Yes, and the same goes for her.

I'd actually agree with this. We're talking about lunch here. Not some major financial investment.

I will say this. I'm more likely to go dutch or insist on picking up the entire check. The polite thing for the latter is for the other person to be willing to leave the tip and be generous when doing it. I can't be the only one who thinks that helps to make a good impression.






I do too, as I said earlier.



LadyPact -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 2:00:43 PM)

You know what's funny? One of the best lunch dates I've ever had from this site was getting together with one of the regular forum participants from this site. We all had such a good time that we didn't even notice it lasted four hours. Yes, I did pick up the check (only right since MP and I went as a pair) and he was very kind to the waitress for the tip. The fifteen bucks I spent for his lunch didn't matter a whit to Me. He was absolutely lovely company and I had an absolute blast.

The business of bickering about nickles and dimes doesn't suit Me in the least.



subinsilicon -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 2:57:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The business of bickering about nickles and dimes doesn't suit Me in the least.


It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.



Subano -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 3:11:25 PM)

The protocol is clear with some and murky with others.

Some say the power partner pays.

Others feel it's a dutch situation.

To me, if a Domme is a 'real' Dominant, they pay.



MissToYouRedux -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 3:14:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The business of bickering about nickles and dimes doesn't suit Me in the least.


It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.


So inquiring minds want to know how it was resolved... [:)]



TAFKAA -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 4:01:21 PM)

No, it's not about protocol, it's about attitude.

The problem I have with the financial domme set is their appalling one-sided attitude. Now some argue that this attitude is giving their customers what they want, but the same can be said of crack-dealers. It's not enough to simply satisfy a need - it's about asking yourself whether satisfying that need is ethical.

Her moves in this little vignette already have the taint of a greedy, grasping personality looking to take advantage. I would contend that a male sub prepared to enter into such an arrangement is just as broken as a female sub prepared to be pimped out for money and used as a cum-dumpster. Simply saying "But that's what they want" is the argument of an immature personality devoid of ethics.

Yes, it's possible to be dominant, yet unethical. However the community and the society as a whole suffers when these kinds of people prosper.



TenderTorment -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/19/2013 4:18:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon




It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.



Am I missing something here? If so forgive my ignorance but I understood this to be a first face to face meeting, Is that correct? If so how can there be any protocol in place? You are 2 people meeting for the first time with a view to establishing a relationship. Or are you already online partners? if the latter is the case then surely having formed an online bond you should know each other well enough to negate the original question.



LadyPact -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/20/2013 2:40:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon
It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.
In that case, speaking as a leather person and probably one of the people on the forums that runs a higher protocol household than most, what you have is not a protocol situation. You are a submissive. You are not anybody's owned submissive. That means that you don't owe any form of service, expenditures paid, or anything else. It's just one person who happens to be Dominant and another person who happens to be submissive who are having a meal together.

There are such things in the community as high protocol or leather lunches, brunches, dinners, etc. That's a completely different kettle of fish.




Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/20/2013 2:51:51 PM)

I always assume and invitation out to lunch is self pay unless I am with my husband or my mother. My mom is the type that would be offended if I tried to pay so I know ahead of time to not bother to even try.



PeonForHer -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/20/2013 3:01:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
IMO, this is not very different from what went on during the women's liberation movement. That was a very confusing time for men. We weren't sure what behaviors were appropriate anymore, since so many societal norms were being challenged. And by definition, female domination violates most societal dating norms.


My view is that both F/m dating, and vanilla dating, are more confusing for men than during the 1970s (assuming that's the rough point in time at which you locate 'women's liberation'). Things have settled into a bunch of fuzzy conventions founded upon contradictory ideas.



littlewonder -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/20/2013 3:49:27 PM)

I would say maybe he doesn't know this woman enough to meet for dinner if he can't even figure out who should pay. Is she the modern woman type? Is she middle of the road? Is she old fashioned and traditional? I would think one would pick up on these things in the first few conversations.




littlewonder -> RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch (1/20/2013 4:49:38 PM)

Kana sez "Man who won't pay for first meet no get second one."



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