An ethical/moral question. (Full Version)

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jlf1961 -> An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 4:45:36 AM)

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.



LadyPact -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 5:28:04 AM)

No and no.

You're hitting on the exact thing that differentiates polyamory from cheating. It's the honesty of all parties being aware of the multiple relationships that is the key factor. From My observations, the majority of poly folks will not involve themselves with cheaters because it goes against what we try so hard to maintain. Some of us who have poly dynamics also tend to be the most outspoken about our distaste of cheating.



Lucylastic -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 6:17:12 AM)

I play with my subs wife, I see her for extended periods of time when I visit them. We are very good close friends and talk most days.
My husband has met my sub three times, no four times, and has a definite say in my visiting times, and will meet my subs wife when they come up to visit in the summer.
Hubby is totally vanilla, my subs wife is not, she plays with others.
Hasnt always been so cut n dry its taken a decade to get where it is, but, I would not ever exclude my husband from the truth and value his opinion and feelings
We have been together almost 30 years, and Ive been with my sub in a LDR for almost 14



muhly22222 -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 9:05:34 AM)

The answer for me is "no" to both questions, as well, although I can get there solely from a practical standpoint without having to touch the moral/ethical question.

Since I'm looking for one woman to share a lifetime with, it doesn't make a lot of sense for me to be considering women who are attached in some way. I don't even consider people who are truly poly, since I'm not particularly interested in that sort of dynamic.

However, when I see profiles where the woman talks about "needing to be discreet" or is more upfront and just says she's going behind her husband's/fiancee's/significant other's back, I can only shake my head. And hide the profile, naturally. Even if they do end their current relationship, I'm not going to be interested in somebody who I know has that sort of character.



hlen5 -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 11:55:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: muhly22222

Even if they do end their current relationship, I'm not going to be interested in somebody who I know has that sort of character.


No and no. Re the above: If they'll fool around with you, they'll fool around on you.



Politesub53 -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 12:28:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.



Just an aside......... Are you suggesting this doesnt happen just as much in reverse......... The dominant also wants the submissive to be the bit on the side as well ?

Personally the basic question is the same in vanilla life....... would you get involved with someone who was married, and whose partner didnt know ?

I have in the distant past but wouldnt again. Probably because I had unrealistic ideas of how it would end up.



jlf1961 -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 12:39:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.



Just an aside......... Are you suggesting this doesnt happen just as much in reverse......... The dominant also wants the submissive to be the bit on the side as well ?

Personally the basic question is the same in vanilla life....... would you get involved with someone who was married, and whose partner didnt know ?

I have in the distant past but wouldnt again. Probably because I had unrealistic ideas of how it would end up.



It seems that many involved in the life style have some problems with the "sneaking around" aspect of an illicit relationship. Also many seem to be looking for a long term relationship.



subrob1967 -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 12:53:09 PM)

No and no... If the "other" is on an open marriage, and their significant other is informed of your interaction, there is no ethical question.



jlf1961 -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 12:55:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subrob1967

No and no... If the "other" is on an open marriage, and their significant other is informed of your interaction, there is no ethical question.



What I was referring to were the profiles that made it clear the spouse was not informed of the activities of the profile owner.



Rule -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 1:05:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

Indeed, in our non-circumcising culture it is the holy prerogative of the female to infrequently have an extramarital affair. The husband on the other hand has the holy duty to be faithful to his wife.

This is why our populations are the most advanced and civilized and blessed populations on Earth.



calamitysandra -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 2:39:24 PM)

To me this has nothing to do with wiitwd.

I do not cheat and I will not be accessory to cheating. That is my moral code, kinky or not.



OsideGirl -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 2:50:24 PM)

This has nothing to do with D/s BDSM. It's lying no matter what the context and personally (from the submissive point of view), I don't know how you're supposed to literally trust someone with your life when you know they're willing to do harm to the most important person in their life.



subrob1967 -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 5:09:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: subrob1967

No and no... If the "other" is on an open marriage, and their significant other is informed of your interaction, there is no ethical question.



What I was referring to were the profiles that made it clear the spouse was not informed of the activities of the profile owner.


Then IMO it's unethical and wrong for you to pursue any type of sexual relationship with her.



Aylee -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 5:27:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.


Honestly, I try not to concern myself with what others may choose to do. 



sexyred1 -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 5:30:16 PM)

Not interested in anyone who is cheating, or wants to share me or themselves. I know that is frowned upon, but I only want one man who wants only me. Shocking, I know.



Lucylastic -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 5:54:04 PM)

Hello you delicious red headed sexy lady, nope I dont think its shocking, I never thought for a million years I would be in the relationship I am now... I had strict rules for myself.
Were I to be single again, I would NOT look for a poly relationship. I wouldnt "look for more than one"



ServosCor -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 6:04:04 PM)

Lying to one's life partner is never ethical no matter how you sugar coat it or what flavor syrup you pour over it OR what you call it.  And, as my mother used to say re: cheaters.............If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you.        ( works just as well for females)

                Damn... the longer I live, the more often my mother WAS right!



LadyPact -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 6:09:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Not interested in anyone who is cheating, or wants to share me or themselves. I know that is frowned upon, but I only want one man who wants only me. Shocking, I know.
With the OP's indulgence, I'd like to comment on this.

I completely understand why someone who is monogamous would get the impression that it's frowned upon being on a site like this. Some poly people are G** d*** pushy about 'converting' (yes, I hate that word) those who seek monogamy into a poly mindset. We're not all like that. Some of us actually respect those who don't want multiple relationships or be involved with somebody who is involved in multiple relationships. I put the pushy ones into the same category as casual players that try to convince those who only play in committed relationship that they should engage in casual play.

Like a lot of other things on this site, the pushy folks tend to stand out more than those of us who aren't.




BamaD -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 11:12:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.

Of course not



TenderTorment -> RE: An ethical/moral question. (1/12/2013 11:49:30 PM)

For me it's a no, no and thrice no (just for effect)

Dishonesty is only a foundation for future ruins



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