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njlauren -> RE: What is the sexual nature of the allure of cross dressing for a guy? (3/9/2013 10:54:48 AM)
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The answer is it is complicated, there is no simple answer to it. The traditional view was the fetishistic crossdresser, who puts on items of clothing or even gets fully dressed up and is turned on by doing that, they dress up, get horny, cum and then are done. There are people who do it because genderfucking turns them on, being a male dressed 'femininely', there are females who dress androgynously because they get a kick out of doing that, it is about blurring the lines, breaking taboos, etc. There are crossdressers who do so because it is an alter ego of sorts, another part of themselves, they are expressing, when in that mode they are their 'better' half so to speak, it is another side of themselves. They are happy as men, but love having that outlet (some of them will have sex with men in that role, even though they otherwise are 'straight'), they will tell you this is simply them expressing another part of who they are. There are crossdressers who end up living 24/7 even though they don't id as women per se, who don't do HRT and so forth, who simply end up taking on their alter ego of sorts. Some do it simply to get attention, as crossboi is talking about, being outrageous (drag queens fit into that kind of thing), it is a kind of exhibitionism.
And yes, those who end up deciding they are trans, often do start out as CD's, that gets complex, besides the obvious ('crossdressing' is kind of problematic, given that they see themselves as the opposite gender), there are trans folks who have buried who they are and it comes out sideways so to speak, they think they are crossdressers then find something different (it is sometimes called a type 2 ts, later stage gender identity disorder, I fit that bill). There is a theory out there that some fetishistic crossdressers who get such a turn on by the idea of being women, that they end up transitioning (it is called autogynophilia) or that they are femme gay men who can't stand being gay, both of which are problematic . Yes, there are some gay men who have problems with being gay, but these days generally they get weeded out in therapy and instead work towards accepting who they are; it is kind of ironic that they want to transition when being trans can be a lot harder then being gay....and there are some elements of autogynophilia I think that can have some relevance, but either one explaining m to f trans folks as a whole is bogus). One thing that told me it wasn't sexual was that when I started HRT, my desire to do what I was doing didn't waver. The other thing was when I realized I was perfectly happy wearing a pair of jeans, a sweater and some comfy ankle boots and being myself, or that when electrolysis had gotten so far that between it and hormones I didn't need to wear a lot of makeup to pass, and I actually liked that, it told me a lot. Didn't mean I didn't like to get dressed up in the heels and dresses and such, as a girl friend of mine told me, so do many women of al backgrounds, it wasn't what I lived for either. On the other hand, some CD's are perfectly happy wearing 'women's every day wear', some of them don't want to transition, yet go through hormones and electro and such so when they do 'present', they can be the best they are, but they are also happy otherwise living as men most of the time...
Crossboi, I don't know what to tell you, except that I suspect you are confusing many things. I don't know where you fit into the scope of things, I hate labels, it could be you seek attention, it could be you are some sort of gender fluid person, could be you are trans in some form, don't know. It is obvious you get some sort of self esteem out of the dressing up and seeing other people's reactions, which is fine, but if the only way you can get that confidence and self esteem is through doing that (and that is a big if, like I said, I don't know, would never say that meaning "of course what I say is the truth", i have no way of knowing) then you may want to work in therapy. To be honest, given your description of your background it sounds like it wasn't happy, and if so then therapy may help you figure out what you need, and that is the only reason I suggest it.
As far as all the responses you get when you are dressed, whether it is on here, or in real life, a lot of what you are perceiving as positive attention may not be so much. Looking at your pictures, you probably could be very passable (some people are much luckier then others, in general Asian M to F's often have an easier time, because of morphology/body types, lack of facial and body hair and so forth, for example). But if you are dressing as you do in your pictures, it is likely you are being shown attention for being outrageous, and if read as a CD rather then an outrageously dressed woman, even more so. Speaking from experience, a lot of the attention you are getting you probably could do without, it very well could be the attention of the outrageous. The reason you get so many responses is a)you dress out there, miniskirts, heels, etc and b)you are some sort of t gal (using that as a blanket term, rather then transgender), and quite frankly, a lot of guys have fetishized that. Admirers are difficult to pin down, but my experience was a lot of them don't see you as a person, but rather as a fetishistic image, kind of like being treated like a living blow up doll (I know a woman who had been in porn movies, and she had the same problem with men she met who knew she had done them, they assumed she was the image, not the person; on the other hand, she did find a guy, successful doctor, who really fell in love with her, so ya never know:). I could tell by how i was treated it wasn't truly interest in me as a person, it was pretty foul to be honest, made what jerks do in a singles bar seem downright polite in comparison...some of the guys, too, see t gals as a way to work out bi feelings I suspect (sorry, but when the first question I and other t gals get, is often how big our you know what was, or the guy wanted us to fuck them or have them blow us, it says a lot, and that is roughly 75% of the guys we ran across), the smallest percentage seem to find t gals are simply a different type of women to them, reason I know is, that type doesn't focus on our genitals or how we use them, and they treat myself/others as they would other women:). Sure you get a lot of responses as a T gal, it is because there are a lot of guys who have fetishized t gals, but also know that a lot of them are just time wasters, those offers of flying you anywhere, taking care of you, letting you be their 'wife', and so forth, is 99.9% bullshit and then some, it is a fantasy jag. Many of them are probably not from where they claim they are or aren't who they project, they aren't some rich guy living in Europe, they are probably some ordinary joe, married or not, who gets off on this kind of thing *shrug*. Heck, from reading angry messages on here, most of the women on here get all kinds of crap, whether they are dominant or submissive (which isn't surprising, since most of the people looking at profiles on places like this are going to be men....), stuff wanting cyber chat, 'subs' with all these crazy demands of dominants "Oh, Mistress, I am an experienced sub, and I would like for you to enslave me, have me live with you, have you totally support the household, and I will be the slave" *gag*).
I would also take some of the negative feedback you are getting into consideration, I don't blame the women, a lot of what you are projecting, unconsciously or deliberately, is misogynistic and also is fantasy land. Your idea of what it is like to be a women is like something a lot of misogynistic men feel about women, that they have it easy, that men bend over backwards to help them, are chivalrous, that the life of women is all wine and roses and being wooed, that they can't or don't have to be intelligent, that worse, 'everything is given to them that isn't to men, especially if they dress up and tease men sexually'...and that is near complete and utter rubbish.
For example, you mention someone trying to fix something for you if your car breaks down. I can tell you from direct experience, both having dealt with repair places as a man and as a woman, and from experiences girl friends of mine have experienced, it is the opposite. You walk in with a car with problems as a guy, and they generally will give you a straight answer; walk in there as a woman, and often you will get the bullshit line, telling you, for example, that you need this mysterious brake line flush or engine flush, when those are things done at specific time and mileage, or will tell you all these other things need doing. For example, I was told when I was living a lot of my time as a woman, that my engine needed a 'full tuneup' that was going to cost about 600 bucks. Car had 30,000 miles on it, and on most cars these days a tune up is replacing the plugs and cleaning the fuel injectors, which is a 100k mile thing. I have been told all kinds of things (didn't work, I have the equivalent of an ASE general mechanics knowledge), it is unbelievable, and I have a gaggle of girl friends who call me when they have issues, to make sure they aren't getting ripped off. Same with other things, they assume women are ditz brained and don't know, and pull all kinds of crap.
More importantly, the attention you talk about as a women can be downright scary, because that attention can also be some creep who because they are bigger and stronger and thinks because of that they can do what they want. It is funny, I only understood this once I was transitioning and living more and more as a woman. For years I lived in a part of NYC, was working nights, and had to travel through some pretty bad areas at 2am, had a long walk from the train to where I was living, and i had no problem through it, and this was when nyc had a murder rate of 2500 a year. I was pretty fearless, didn't think twice about it. When I was living more and more as Lauren, though, I saw the other side, I felt what I suspect many women do, knowing they are often targets. Of course, at first it was being transgender, which even in the NYC area can get you beaten up or killed, but later on, as I was fitting in more and more, it was understanding that when people look at you (mostly men) that it may not just be checking you out. There were times walking at night when I would get the itch, look around, and realize there was a guy who seemed to be following me, and whatever his intentions were, it creeped me out, it is I guess to a certain extent the feeling of being the prey, it is something most men don't experience. Likewise, when you are with someone as a guy sexually, there isn't the level of fear usually, because of the feeling like whatever happens, you can take care of yourself. As a woman I suspect it is different, that there is that edge there, careful and cautious that the nice guy they through they wanted to go to bed with was in fact a monster; I obviously am talking about myself and being trans, which is still different then being born that way (and I apologize if I am overstepping here, it would be interesting to see if women born that way experience that). Even what you wrote, crossboi, said a lot, you said women don't have to have brains, it is kind of implying they don't, when even today, women often have to prove themselves to be better in the world to achieve what they wish (On a Bill Maher program on HBO I caught last night, even with women now dominating on college campuses, gaining higher educational achievement then men, 4% of high level executive positions in companies are held by women, and most of those are in fields viewed as 'women's domains' of HR and Marketing.....same at all levels of management), a man wanting to start a business has a lot more success at getting funding to do a startup then a women does, and so forth, and that is the reality....so I would be careful about putting out the dream image of women based on what you have experienced doing what you do or what you think, it isn't true for many women.
I'll put a disclaimer on all this, this is my view of things, based on my own experiences, and if others find that what I write isn't true or they think some of it is false, it could be, I can only write what I have seen and heard from talking to others. I also want to apologize to the men on here, I don't want it to come across that all men are rapists or are insensitive boors or assholes. The men who are trans chasers are not representative of most men, and obviously, the men who assault and rape women or take advantage of them are not all men by far, or even near a majority, but for example, most sexual assaults/rape are done by men against women, so a woman walking down the street is overwhelmingly likely to be attacked by a man then a woman, hence the fears that can go along with being a woman alone someplace:). I don't want this to be an anti anything statement, I just wanted to give crossboi an idea of the reality they may be missing.
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