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Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 1:18:36 PM   
littleparadise4U


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		Hello E/everyone,

my name is littleparadise4U,although many years ago when i came into the BD/SM lifestyle my name was brat. i was introduced to a Pro Domme by my partner that i worked with on rescue. This Mistress was very popular in the New England area. She chose me to serve Her, which i did for almost 1 yr until due to personal issues She had to release me.

we have crossed paths here & there over the yrs and i've always treated Her with the utmost respect. i honestly must say that i wasn't the best submissive and also had an alcohol problem until 3 yrs ago . i left the lifestyle behind and have 3 yrs sobriety now.

A few months ago i decided to come back to the lifestyle as it was so hard to not serve, play, etc... for those 3 yrs while i worked on myself to get where i am now.

i started my search on this site for a Mistress that might be interested in my submission & servitude, there was one i was speaking with on line for almost 2 months when all of a sudden She stopped writting & answering my messeges.i didn't understand why until a few weeks later i met another local Mistress who was speaking to me for awhile and was kind enough to tell me that She had been told by my 1st Mistress " don't waste your time, she has issues, she served me in the past." thats when i realized that this Mistress is outing my past to any Mistress in the New England area that i speak to.

i guess i don't have a chance for a fresh start? Maybe someone here could offer me some advice ?

Thank You all so much for reading this.
Respectfully,
littleparadise4U
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 1:21:23 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Let it go.    Show at the munches and events, if there were mistakes in the past, admit them (if it is a right situation) and move on, explaining that you did some homework after that first foray..............

Don't badmouth nobody, be you, be all that you can be, and let the gossips and haters vibrate their pissflaps, you will be the better for your demurrals.  

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to littleparadise4U)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 1:23:12 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Well...

1) You should probably talk to your ex before you make accusations.

2) Own up to the issues that you've gone through. Being sober is a BIG deal. Some people will be understanding enough to give it a shot, others will write you off because of it.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littleparadise4U)
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RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 1:25:25 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Like leaving a job badly, new interview, don't dwell, and explain the fixes to the issues. Find something positive, how long you been sober?  (Is it worthy of a YIPPEE?) Good!!!!

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 1:51:50 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Congratulations on three years of being sober.

I don't know if you're working a twelve step program or not. If you are, I'd suggest that you look at this situation the same way you would as your ninth step. No where in there does it say that everyone that you make amends to is going to forgive and forget everything that was hurtful to them due to the drinking. At the same time, you're not working your ninth step ultimately for them. You do it for you with the understanding that how your amends are received is something that you do not control. If the other person wants to be stuck in the past, that's up to them. You are the one who gets to move on.

Eventually, it's going to be your actions of today that are going be what speaks louder and clearer than the actions of your past. Keep introducing who you are today to the people that you meet. The more you do that, the less the person that you used to be will have an effect.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to littleparadise4U)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 2:19:50 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		It's actually no different from any other social situation. Just be honest and gracious in your dealings with new potential Mistresses. At some point, when you are ready, it would be a nice gesture to make a proper apology to your ex too.

(in reply to littleparadise4U)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 2:22:23 PM   
ForeverGaia


Posts: 43
Joined: 11/5/2011
Status: offline 		Congratulations on your sobriety.


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 2:43:32 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Advice? You can't get away from karma so there's no point in trying. You can only be yourself and be as open and forthright as possible. If it's any consolation, it's kind of hard for me to imagine any dominant personality taking a "she sucks" at face value. I certainly would not... not even from a close friend who I respected well. Sure, that'd get factored into my thinking, but in the end it's MY judgement that gets used to form my relationships.

It's also worth pointing out that anyone who would simply drop off cold on the basis of such a rumor without even following up on it with you (assuming they were otherwise interested) has some other issues.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littleparadise4U)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 3:42:08 PM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		Congrats on staying sober.

All you can do is continue to work on staying sober and to show in your actions that you aren't the same person.

In the end some will always hold it against you, some will see the change and embrace it.

I agree with Jeff.
If someone stopped speaking to you due to a rumor they probably had other issues.




_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 4:32:59 PM   
littleparadise4U


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		Thank You very much for understanding my issue and the advice You give. i completed my 12 step program 2 years ago. Maybe i didn't explain my situation so that others might understand it ? i didn't hurt my 1st Mistress of 10 yrs ago, nor was i released on bad terms, nor have i ever bad mouthed her.

i will take Your advice for it is my responsibility to show people who i am today and not yesterday.

Again, Thank You
respectfully
littleparadise

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 4:33:20 PM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		My advice:

Be a class act. Hold your head up high. You've screwed up. You've accomplished much. When someone of interest questions you on any of it, just own your stuff. It's history so if you like the person you just tell them what they want to know.

Be a class act, hold your head up high... until/unless someone pretty cool gives you that squishy feeling and your eyes naturally lower and your starts to tilt downward......

but still be a class act :)

Rumors and those who spread them will be neutalized when their target behaves honorably and admirably. So you had some trouble a few years back. You dealt with it and it's done <shrug>. (not to demean being sober)

Did I mention "be a class act"?

She's not worth your time, and living well (and behaving well) is the best revenge. People will think she's nuts for putting you down, because what she says, and then what they will see will reflect badly on whom?


Congrats and good luck.


_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 4:39:05 PM   
littleparadise4U


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		Alecta,

There is no reason for an apology as the apology was said almost 10 years ago and accepted. This is why i don't understand the outing my past to potential Mistresses today ?

respectfully,
littleparadise

(in reply to ForeverGaia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 4:40:21 PM   
littleparadise4U


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		Thank You very much.

respectfully,
littleparadise

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 4:47:04 PM   
littleparadise4U


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		Jeff,

Thank You, i never thought of it that way. Perhaps i am better off not having a Mistress Who goes on what another person states about me before forming an opinion of their own after meeting .

respectfully,
littleparadise

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 4:50:09 PM   
littleparadise4U


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		Lil Squaw,

Thank you for such kind words .

respectfully,
littleparadise

(in reply to littleparadise4U)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 4:59:17 PM   
littleparadise4U


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/29/2009
Status: offline 		evesgrden,

Thank You so very much, wow such touching words you write. Very true, that is what i am trying my best to do. It's just that i start speaking on here to a Mistress and all of a sudden " Bang" She hears from this ex Mistress and chances to show change are gone.In New England BD/SM everyone knows everyone for the most part.

respectfully,
littleparadise

(in reply to littleparadise4U)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 5:22:41 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleparadise4U

Alecta,

There is no reason for an apology as the apology was said almost 10 years ago and accepted. This is why i don't understand the outing my past to potential Mistresses today ?

respectfully,
littleparadise


Once again, I'll caution you against assuming that your ex Mistress is actually saying these things.

It could be something that was said several years ago, that is being repeated by someone else. It's like a game of telephone. By the time it reaches the end, it's been distorted.

The best thing would be to talk to your ex calmly and logically. Find out if it's true that it's her, explain where you are in your life now and ask her to please stop if it is her.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littleparadise4U)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 5:29:11 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		could you contact your first Mistress and talk to her politely and explain to her that you have cleaned up and you deserve a second chance and ask her not to divulge her past with anyone else? Not only is it unfair to you for her to do that, it's also rude and disrespectful as a human being.

But remember, two wrongs do not make a right so therefore don't stoop to her level. Be civil towards her and no need to talk about your past with her with others except to say "the past is the past and I've moved on with my life".

If someone does tell you that they spoke with her, simply explain to them that you understand why your relationship ended with her but that you are now sober, you've cleaned up your life and feel you deserve a second chance for all the hard work you put in yourself.

I feel for you. It can be hard to start over after something like that and have people see you differently than how you used to be. Hopefully others will see the new you and will move on past your past troubles.

I do wish you the best of luck and congratulations on your sobriety. Keep up the good work. It will all pay off in the end.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to littleparadise4U)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 5:41:36 PM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		Personally? Unless someone threatened my life while a submissive of mine? I won't discuss any past relationships.
The most I would say was it didn't work out, or we didn't have the same goals in mind. That is enough for ANYONE to know.

I guarantee discretion... and practice it out of respect for the other person...both during and (if it happens) after the relationship.

Oh! And congrrrrrrrrrrrrrats on your sobriety!!! What a milestone!!! :)

(Thank you)

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Need advice please ? - 1/14/2013 6:37:55 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with the others. Actively work on making a new reputation.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to EsotericLady)
Profile   Post #: 20
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