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RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/19/2006 12:47:33 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If it were me. I would grab him. I love flowers and romance.

Run with it.

If there is spark there, what is there to hold you back.


(in reply to lisa1978)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/19/2006 12:59:43 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I dont know if you should tell him. I cant say I understand the lifestyle. [tho] I would mention an experimental phaze to him, simply so no one can ever use it against you.

I really dont get it. Being owned like a dog?  ouch. I might be a repressed dominent then.

One cant force another to love them. One can not change others. That much I DO know.

I once played with a straight guy that wanted dominated. Ok- fine. I did so. It all changed when I learned his real name. He was gone asap. So what does that say?  TO me - it said passive agressive personality. I thought I dom him...but in fact, he domed ME.  see? 

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/19/2006 7:26:10 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

I know I've seen similar topics on here before but not certain where they are. I have within the past two months began seeing a man I met outside of the lifestyle. At first it was just entertaining watching him be so protective of me and watching himself in case he should accidently offend me by being too forward.


Well... the others have covered it all too well. I'm just gonna wish ya lots of good luck and say I hope things work out for you, as it sounds like you've really taken a liking to this guy.


Best Wishes  ; }

 - R

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to MstrssSatin)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/19/2006 7:27:35 PM   
timeoutgurlie


Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		Only having 2 relationships in my lifetime, my advice may not hold much weight, but here it is anyhow

With my first, it began as a way to spice up a 'sex life' that didn't include intercourse; light bondage, spanking, talking dirty etc.  All the stuff that's 'vanilla' but a lil kinky.  It progressed after time when we both realized we enjoyed it, but was always a sexual thing, it never got to the point of being an actual 'relationship dynamic' - it was just to make the sexual side more fun and less boring.  It happened naturally and stopped naturally at a certain point.  He knew I would've liked it to be more than it was, but he didn't want the same and I respected that of course, so we eventually parted ways and then I met my 2nd & current.

With the current, we both want the same things, but didn't know it immediately.  We met in a 'vanilla' setting,s o it only came out after some joking innuende that later turned into serious coversation.  He'd never experienced this, had just fantasized about it and never met a girl who was liek minded, so we're now exploring and having a fabulous time.

The point:  You won't know until you talk about it.  Realistically, you'd talk about anything with someone you felt had potential, right?  You've discussed other things that are important and significant in your lives, or else you wouldn't know there's compatibility and potential to begin with, so why hold back on this?  Have you talked about feelings on marriage?  Children?  These things scare the crap out of people too you know lol

Sure, you don't necessarilly want to ask this sort of thing on the first date (personally, I would, I like to probe as much as possible so as to not waste my time) but surely after you've spent this much time together and talked about so many other things, it's not too soon to bring this up.  You owe it to yourself to not waste your time, and frankly, you owe it to him too so you don't waste his; if he happens to not be able to handle this in his life, he deserves to know it sooner than later.

Best luck

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/19/2006 7:37:59 PM   
gypsyssoul


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline
speaking of vanilla ... and off topic ... but how do i change the little vanilla cone . . under my name ???  here when i post ?? is there a way ...
sorry the vanilla thing made me wonder if there is a way to change it ..
and as to the question
i married him and it didn't work .. and i still date vanilla .. and it sucks
but have not been lucky enough to find a dominant male who knows he is dominant .. trust me i turn them ... more my way ..  ropes on the bed give me away

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/19/2006 7:45:25 PM   
timeoutgurlie


Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		lol at "ropes on the bed give me away", people show up when your memory fails all to often and find surprises

As for the vanilla cone, it changes automatically with the number of posts you have.  I think we all wonder this when we first see it, but it will change

(in reply to gypsyssoul)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/19/2006 7:55:31 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Vanilla won't work for me either, as Julia said, i know i would eventually crave BDSM  and would be unhappy if forced to supress that.

"Coming out"  was  the "beginning of the end" in my last vanilla  relationship.  When i showed him my paddle...and he wanted me to spank  his  ass, i knew i  could not be happy with a non Dominant partner.

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/19/2006 10:12:45 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		gypsy, keep posting, it will change to something else after your 25th post...

To the OP, you have to be honest with the guy.  That's the foundation of any sort of relationship, isn't it?  Wouldn't hurt to be gentle with the truth, but the truth has still gotta come out, one way or another.

And is it just me, or are we now using "vanilla" like it's a prejudicial word?  Us and them?


_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/20/2006 4:24:17 AM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

And is it just me, or are we now using "vanilla" like it's a prejudicial word?  Us and them?



*laughing*

There is such a marked difference, I think, because 'vanilla' can represent judgement, non-acceptance and projection of feelings that W/we are 'strange', 'deviant', 'unhealthy'. I know that within My last LTR, once things had turned back toward vanilla, he became very judgemental and used BDSM as some anchor point to not only try to wear down My sense of a healthy self but be a catch-all for the failing dynamic of the relationship itself. It also made for some juicy town gossip indeed when I left and We went to court.  So, I do think there are negative associations...as these are usually the ones judging U/us.....right or wrong. ;)

~Thea

< Message edited by MistressTheaZ -- 6/20/2006 4:25:53 AM >

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How have you dealt with a vanilla you like? - 6/21/2006 12:16:53 PM   
taziesubguy


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressTheaZ

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

And is it just me, or are we now using "vanilla" like it's a prejudicial word?  Us and them?



*laughing*

There is such a marked difference, I think, because 'vanilla' can represent judgement, non-acceptance and projection of feelings that W/we are 'strange', 'deviant', 'unhealthy'. I know that within My last LTR, once things had turned back toward vanilla, he became very judgemental and used BDSM as some anchor point to not only try to wear down My sense of a healthy self but be a catch-all for the failing dynamic of the relationship itself. It also made for some juicy town gossip indeed when I left and We went to court.  So, I do think there are negative associations...as these are usually the ones judging U/us.....right or wrong. ;)

~Thea


Oh Oh maam avalanche of mails....you have not answered about those astro dommes research i am on with..

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)
Profile   Post #: 30
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