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Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 4:28:25 AM

MistressJinxBBW

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/8/2013
Status: offline

I have met a 'slave' who is a masochist. We have 'fallen in love' with each other- but He now says that he does not want to be humiliated and wants to break me. He wants me as his submissive and will not carry on with a relationship if I do not give up my Domme lifestyle. I do not understand how a self professed masochist can turn into a sadist after saying he was not a sadist and have the need to break someone with a dom psyche. Can anyone enlighten me as to what can cause a masochist who self inflicts pain to want to inflict pain on his Domme because she has 'power' over him?On the other hand he will randomly beg me to humiliate him... I doubt he is a switch...

Thank you

_____________________________

Mistress Jinx
financial dominatrix
mistressjinxdominatrix.socialparody.com

Post #: 1

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 6:23:31 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Run far, run fast. He thrives on changing the rules.

Either he wants regular arguments and fights with you, or he loves to have you confused. Or both.

He met you under one set of rules, and as soon as the relationship was there he changed them. And he's STILL changing them - you stated both "He now says that he does not want to be humiliated" and "On the other hand he will randomly beg me to humiliate him".

You are you. The changes are confusing and distressing you. That's not good.

Sit down with him. Explain that when you met, you were Domme and he was slave. Dem's da rules. If he wanted to change them properly, he would have suggested trying out changes slowly, perhaps for a limited amount of time. But he's trying to change them abruptly, with no regard for your happiness or comfort. Either he goes back to how things were, or it's over, except maybe for play sessions.

I'd recommend stopping things now. Ain't no way it'll end well.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 2

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 6:31:48 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I'm not sure how someone could genuinely love you and want to change the foundation of who you are? How is it that you love this person back?

The situation you described sounds incredibly immature and unstable, could you ever be happy with something that changed constantly according to what seems like the whim of the day? He sounds like a confused nutcase to me and someone that would continually keep you off balance. If that floats your boat go for it but it sounds immature at best, abusive at worst.

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 3

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 6:54:02 AM

MistressJinxBBW

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/8/2013
Status: offline

Thank you for the advice guys. It is leaving me in quite an emotional state. I don't think its good at all. Will run and run fast.
I do not need a manipulator at this stage in my life- All I need is to be loved. Domme lifestyle and all.

_____________________________

Mistress Jinx
financial dominatrix
mistressjinxdominatrix.socialparody.com

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 4

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 8:23:15 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW
I have met a 'slave' who is a masochist.

No you didn't. Seriously? I get it that there is a LOT of variance in what "slave" means, but pretty much every definition I've ever heard implied some sort of "being on the sub side of the leash" -- no matter how loose.

We have 'fallen in love' with each other
No you haven't. You may have fallen in love with him. He certainly has not fallen in love with you. He can't even see you. How could he possibly love you?

I do not understand how a self professed masochist can turn into a sadist after saying he was not a sadist and have the need to break someone with a dom psyche.
Simple... confused abusive personality. Next question?

Really, you're just trying to understand idiotic behavior and there isn't really any better understanding to be had than "it's stupid".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 5

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 9:43:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Just as there are sadists who can't hurt people they fall in love with, this can happen from the other side of the slash also.

When all you were to each other were play partners, it didn't matter. He used you to get his jollies and you used him for the same. But apparently he feels that he has to be the stereotypical man in a relationship, be in charge, be dominant etc.

Talk to him about why he feels he can't be who he is, when inside a relationship. If he feels bad about himself, perhaps change the role model here to queen with chivalrous knight. Lancelot wasn't a sissy boy, even though Guinevere had the power in their relationship.

But he has to be willing to work on his conflicts. If he isn't, then I'd move on.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 6

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 10:34:35 AM

MistressJinxBBW

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/8/2013
Status: offline

Thank you so much for all your wisdom everyone... I love this community, its filled with really amazing individuals...
As for him- I just got an sms to say his feeling reckless tonight and wants to go feel something and go dancing and get drink with a stranger and have sex...- I seem to think this is somewhat of a game I do not wish to be part of. Serves me right for falling for a 24 year old... No more under 35s for me!!!

_____________________________

Mistress Jinx
financial dominatrix
mistressjinxdominatrix.socialparody.com

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 12:38:32 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW

I have met a 'slave' who is a masochist. We have 'fallen in love' with each other- but He now says that he does not want to be humiliated and wants to break me. He wants me as his submissive and will not carry on with a relationship if I do not give up my Domme lifestyle. I do not understand how a self professed masochist can turn into a sadist after saying he was not a sadist and have the need to break someone with a dom psyche. Can anyone enlighten me as to what can cause a masochist who self inflicts pain to want to inflict pain on his Domme because she has 'power' over him?On the other hand he will randomly beg me to humiliate him... I doubt he is a switch...

Thank you

He's a "do-me" plain & simple. Now that the hook is set with "love" they then revert to "the natural state" they actually wanted all along. Best bet is assume everything said is a lie & run far & fast the other way. You are already in the trap, gnawing an arm or leg off to escape will save tons of heart & body ache in the long run

The common label for this is bait & switch

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 8

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 12:47:30 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW

Thank you so much for all your wisdom everyone... I love this community, its filled with really amazing individuals...
As for him- I just got an sms to say his feeling reckless tonight and wants to go feel something and go dancing and get drink with a stranger and have sex...- I seem to think this is somewhat of a game I do not wish to be part of. Serves me right for falling for a 24 year old... No more under 35s for me!!!

Age has ZERO to do with this!! Its actually MUCH more common to see this kind of thing from the 40 something married "do-me" set. The common thread is they feed on drama & chaios wherever they can get away with creating it.
"Going out for random fuck" was supposed to elicit begging/pleading on your part of "don't do this I looooovvve you boo hoo hoo" to which they call you a dirty stupid whore & proceed with taking over. Commonly referred to as "flipping the switch". Its people like this that give switches a bad name. Motives are purely sexual power driven & once goal of sex is reached they get bored not caring what drama or chaos are left in their wake.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 9

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 3:41:22 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

He's trying to get a rise out of you. He's trying to hurt you, he's reckless, he's immature, he's the type that gets off on the challenge, on anything that makes him "feel alive". He's bored and constantly wanting change.

He also sounds like he may be a bit depressed or some other kind of psychiatric illness. But that's not your problem.

Do you really wanna be with someone like this? I wouldn't.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 10

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 3:51:29 PM

indigonight

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/27/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW

Thank you so much for all your wisdom everyone... I love this community, its filled with really amazing individuals...
As for him- I just got an sms to say his feeling reckless tonight and wants to go feel something and go dancing and get drink with a stranger and have sex...- I seem to think this is somewhat of a game I do not wish to be part of. Serves me right for falling for a 24 year old... No more under 35s for me!!!

He sounds like an immature kid. Let him go get drunk and have mindless sex with a stranger and then get some gross disease. What a nasty thing for him to manipulate you with. I can't tell you how fast I'd be out of there after that statement, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth just reading it.

So obviously you can see a future with him is chock full of drama filled surprises and it's all about him, him, him. Bleah, sounds like a prison term to me. He'll never be happy with peace and quiet, it'll always be the next soap opera in the making.

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 11

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 5:01:06 PM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

First, how does someone stop being dominant or submissive if that is truly their nature?

Second, you have a negotiated relationship already.
If he respects you or the relationship he will respect the boundaries of that negotiated relationship.
If he wants it to change, then have an adult discussion about it.
Do NOT play the "I love you" card.
THAT is some childish manipulative shit.

If he was truly looking for a submissive all along.
He was lying before.
Im sorry that's unacceptable.
If he is simply confused.
I'm sorry, go figure YOU out first then try and get into a relationship.

Third, if he the type of person who simply wants to test YOU.
THAT is some funky BS.
And he wouldn't get a chance to walk, I'd be kicking his ass to the curb.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/17/2013 5:02:19 PM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
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(in reply to indigonight)

Post #: 12

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/17/2013 5:51:23 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I was just thinking, could it be he's testing you because he knows you take on clients in your biz that you supposedly have? Maybe he's jealous, wants you to stop? Maybe he's pulling out all the stops to kinda show you how he feels?

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)

Post #: 13

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/18/2013 1:14:20 AM

MistressJinxBBW

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/8/2013
Status: offline

Thank you for all the support I have received in this thread. I have ended all contact with him. I think I owe it to myself to meet a genuine man.

_____________________________

Mistress Jinx
financial dominatrix
mistressjinxdominatrix.socialparody.com

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 14

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/18/2013 1:42:07 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Any time any one decides they can unilaterally change the rules you have mutually consented to in a relationship, I would suspect either they are too unstable for me, or they were stalking the other under false pretenses.

Both of these are big red flags to me.

No matter who is dom or sub, lying or breaking agreed upon boundaries is not acceptable to me.

You of course must make a decision which is right for you.

It is possible for someone to have multiple personalities, though this seems more an excuse to fake things to me.

You must decide if you have any reason to continue.

Love can be great, but lies and betrayals of trust usually poison love pretty thoroughly.

It is great for a relationship to mutually and consensually evolve.

Even if the person's unilateral decision that things are different now than agreed upon and the direction they are taking things seems interesting, how can you cope with someone you can not trust?

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 15

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/18/2013 5:48:29 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW

Thank you for all the support I have received in this thread. I have ended all contact with him. I think I owe it to myself to meet a genuine man.

Good for you. Relationships take enough work without someone trying to mess with your head and manipulate you.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 16

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/18/2013 6:40:31 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW

Thank you for all the support I have received in this thread. I have ended all contact with him. I think I owe it to myself to meet a genuine man.

Yep, you owe it to yourself to be loved for who you are. Good for you for respecting yourself enough.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 17

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/18/2013 8:05:35 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW

Thank you for all the support I have received in this thread. I have ended all contact with him. I think I owe it to myself to meet a genuine man.

You have to be true to you before you can be true to anyone / anything else.

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 18

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/20/2013 5:25:06 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW

I have met a 'slave' who is a masochist. We have 'fallen in love' with each other- but He now says that he does not want to be humiliated and wants to break me. He wants me as his submissive and will not carry on with a relationship if I do not give up my Domme lifestyle. I do not understand how a self professed masochist can turn into a sadist after saying he was not a sadist and have the need to break someone with a dom psyche. Can anyone enlighten me as to what can cause a masochist who self inflicts pain to want to inflict pain on his Domme because she has 'power' over him?On the other hand he will randomly beg me to humiliate him... I doubt he is a switch...

Thank you

Exit stage left. Or right. Or straight down the aisle. But exit.

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 19

RE: Needing advice from a masochist - 1/20/2013 8:36:37 PM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

LMAO
You doubt he is a Switch?

If you only knew how many "Doms" message me begging me to submit, only to tell me they are "really submissives under the guise of being a Dom" and want to submit to me.

It's called "whatever works," my dear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJinxBBW

I have met a 'slave' who is a masochist. We have 'fallen in love' with each other- but He now says that he does not want to be humiliated and wants to break me. He wants me as his submissive and will not carry on with a relationship if I do not give up my Domme lifestyle. I do not understand how a self professed masochist can turn into a sadist after saying he was not a sadist and have the need to break someone with a dom psyche. Can anyone enlighten me as to what can cause a masochist who self inflicts pain to want to inflict pain on his Domme because she has 'power' over him?On the other hand he will randomly beg me to humiliate him... I doubt he is a switch...

Thank you

(in reply to MistressJinxBBW)

Post #: 20

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