Alpha/Alpha

Alpha/Alpha (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

skov -> Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 11:19:32 AM)
I apologise in advance if I should be unable to articulate at first exactly what I mean by this post. I have had trouble for my entire adult life in trying to construct a BDSM relationship. I have tried passing myself off as a Dom, then as a sub. Neither of these roles brought me particular pleasure because of the protocol almost inextricably wrapped up in their significance. As a Dom, I found submissives and slaves to be unchallenging, and boring. As a sub, the few Doms I engaged were repeatedly scared off by my challenges to their authority. I don't blame either of these groups, because I wasn't sure what it is exactly that I was looking for. They couldn't be blamed for that. Now that I know, I'm unsure if it even exists as something I can actually pursue. I'm a Dom... that wants another Dom. I'm a Sadomasochist, and I want an equal partner in my tastes. I'd rather beat or torture someone into submission than have someone already broken just give in to me. Just as much, I'm looking for someone who could actually take me on and (possibly) subdue me. I guess I'm looking for hypermasculinity in a BDSM partnership. Does this exist? Am I alone? I feel sometimes that I'm too much of a outlier, that I have too many subsets rolled into what I am, and it will be impossible for me to find what I'm looking for.

mnottertail -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 11:21:31 AM)
Sorta --- look for a Domme switch, but I dunno, the timings may be hard to work out, you want to be top when she wants to or you want to be down when she wants to....all that rot. They exist in some numbers. Me? I just want a blowjob.

skov -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 11:24:27 AM)
I wish you all the very best blow jobs in the world, you lucky bastard.

mnottertail -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 12:00:51 PM)
I am but a simple man. You embarrass me with such prolific praise.

iamar -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 12:21:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: skov As a sub, the few Doms I engaged were repeatedly scared off by my challenges to their authority. I don't blame either of these groups, because I wasn't sure what it is exactly that I was looking for. They couldn't be blamed for that. I can relate, at least on the sub side of the coin. Just doing the "meek and willing" sub all the time is so bland. It seems like more work to be so watered down. I like having a consensual takedown done. Nothing that will put me or my partner in the hospital. Sometimes you need a little resistant make it spice and even gain a bit more of respect of the Top.

theRose4U -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 12:32:54 PM)
While I get why otter said what he did, the answer actually lies within you & only you! I was part of an Alpha/Domme/sub poly that I still hold in high regard. People around us used to joke that "its like watching lions mate" they knew how devoted we were to one another but who was leading on a particular day or topic varied so much you had to keep a score card. If you "get bored with subs" & "scare off dommes due to challenges of authority" while adding the label sadist to the mix...you're screwed!! The potential pool to pick from has been narrowed not only to a maso domme but also one that will let you top from the bottom till you get bored with that as well "because she's not doing it right". Best suggestion is accept you're a service top to get sadistic bent out of the way then possibly a pro willing to let you tell them what/how to "do you". Even a switch isn't going to put up with disrespectful crap based in insecurity. Either a sub submits, or they don't!! "Challenges of authority" more than once with more than one domme isn't a "them issue". Try figuring out what you want & need without harming others in the search. What ireading you claim to want is submission your way with you in charge...a very small number of pros will play that way even fewer are willing to date someone like this.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 12:56:37 PM)
~FRing it~ I tend to like to be an optimist, so Id like to think that somewhere out there is the other half to what it is you are looking for. Based on personal experience, however, Im going to be honest in saying that Im just not sure your search will be successful long term. See, I myself engaged in something starting back in February with another dominant male. We were able to switch when it was more of a top/bottom situation, but when we tried to incorporate D/s into the mix...it got fucked up beyond all belief. As he tried to get deeper into his submission to me, he became an unbearable pain in the ass who had this way of making me feel like I was doing everything wrong every time. Nothing was ever good enough and I frankly just got to the point that it ceased being enjoyable for me and started to become emotionally painful. Ive never experienced that with a submissive before and it wasnt so much that I felt my authority was challenged or anything, but rather that I think he was taking his unhappiness about the fact that he had an interest in submission deep down in the places he didnt like talking about out on me. I dont think that many are honestly going to be able to take what you have to give long term. The reality is that NO ONE is going to be able to subdue someone by force who ultimately doesnt want to be subdued. He thought much the same way you did...if only I was a strong enough domme, I could have "done it." But the reality is that Im only a human being, not a miracle worker. Ive never had complaints before about my dominance before and I doubt Ill have them now that Ive just did what needed to be done and put this connection out of its misery. Everyone, no matter how strong they are, have a point where they just throw up their hands and say "fuck this shit. Life is just too short to allow someone to make you feel miserable." I second what Rose says. Honestly figure yourself out first and what it is you are wanting before bringing someone else into the mix. Figure out what drives your interest in dominance and your interest in submission. I do wish you luck though. I think that everyone should be able to find what it is that they are looking for. Everyone deserves to be happy. Im just not sure if what you are looking for is entirely possible in one person. Two people maybe. But all in one is a pretty tall order.

littlewonder -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 3:37:43 PM)
You're looking for kinky sex. There are tons of those online. It should be rather easy. Just don't list yourself as a dom or a sub. I don't even remember what you can list yourself as anymore on the other side but if fetishist or kinkster is available then maybe use those. If not, then the closest I can suggest is switch and explain what you want in your profile. Good luck

Dreadmath -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/17/2013 6:46:07 PM)
I can somewhat relate. I myself always preferred opinionated and perhaps even difficult partners. I like to earn their submission slowly and steadily rather than have it handed over to me on the spot. And let's face it, Dommes have their own special attractiveness as well ^^ So yes my suggestion is to look for a switch that might fit into your tastes. Realize however that the more selective you are, the less likely you are to find what you want quickly so don't be disheartened by the time it may take. Cheers ^^.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Alpha/Alpha (1/18/2013 5:18:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: skov I'm a Sadomasochist, and I want an equal partner in my tastes. I'd rather beat or torture someone into submission than have someone already broken just give in to me. Just as much, I'm looking for someone who could actually take me on and (possibly) subdue me. From what you've said here, it doesn't sound like you are either dominant or submissive. You're a sadomasochist looking for another sadomasochist. You want to be able to switch topping/bottoming positions with this person, but don't particularly want an authority dynamic. Pure BDSM with no D/s. Okay, that's doable. You just have to be upfront about who you are and what you want. However, this paragraph seems to contain some possible misconceptions: quote: I have tried passing myself off as a Dom, then as a sub. Neither of these roles brought me particular pleasure because of the protocol almost inextricably wrapped up in their significance. As a Dom, I found submissives and slaves to be unchallenging, and boring. As a sub, the few Doms I engaged were repeatedly scared off by my challenges to their authority. Ummm...what protocol would that be? For me, personally, I don't go in for a lot of protocol. I'm dominant but I'm pretty laissez-faire about it. There isn't a lot of formality between me and Kitty. He isn't a slave and, while he is always submissive to me, he's very independent, which is one of the many things I love about him. He doesn't challenge my authority, but he can be sassy at times. I find it amusing and encourage it. Long story short, there are a lot of ways to "do" D/s. If you do want an authority dynamic, it doesn't have to be rigidly structured.

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875