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AbysmalAngel -> Lost in the world (1/17/2013 3:30:47 PM)
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Greetings fellow kinksters and fetishists! I have this writing posted on my profile journal but felt like sharing it with a broader audiance. I enjoy writing and may in time post some poetry of mine in the writing section.
Ever have one of those days where you feel lost? Like maybe you are living someone else's life? Or maybe you are dreaming and just can't wake up? I am having one of those days today. I feel distant and disconnected from what everyone tells me is reality. Why, who knows? I don't suppose it is necessarily a negative, but can't be certain it is a positive either.
I don't have a bad life, but somehow feel unfulfilled. Like maybe there is something more for me out there somewhere. I am hidden away from most of the world, kept as a secret treasure. Guarded jealously. I want more, I deserve more. Don't I? A slave isn't supposed to want anything for herself. Not a true slave, which I consider myself to be. Perhaps a bit unrefined yet and rough around the edges, but in my heart it is all I want to be. I was meant for this. Though I think I am meant for something bigger than what I am doing now. At least I want something bigger, more productive and perhaps with a dash of excitement.
Since I was a young girl I have had dreams of being a slave, to some kind of King or Lord. I have it over and over. I am among other slave girls, in some castle or palace. Though I seem to be favored a bit more than most of them. I dance and perform brilliant sword play as well as other more carnal pleasures. I am used, but also loved and adored. I give of myself but in return I receive also. My only cares are to please that whom I serve.
I came to the lifestyle in search of fulfilling this dream, at least to some extent. I was promised many things, fulfillment of my desire to serve was among the bigger promises. Yet here I find myself wanting. Wanting to be more than what I have become. Wanting my talents to be appreciated, desired and used to the fullest. Wanting for a master that is truly a master. Oh sure, I serve some purpose in my current life. I cook, clean, amuse, massage, listen... somehow though, I feel empty and void of the purpose I was meant to serve.
I suppose that is why I keep this account. I hope to stumble across the one I was meant for. The one my soul calls out for, hungers for, yearns for. The one I have seen in my dreams, or at least one like him. The one who brings out the inner slave within me. The one who can Master me. That one who can bring out the best I have to give, and motivate me to be ever more. More pleasing, more creative, just more. <sigh> HAHA the rest of the world might think me crazy for having this desire. A desire to be truly owned. Mastered. Dominated. I think I wont truly know peace until I find this, or until it finds me. So I call out into the great vast unknown, for this. I call out with all of my soul, all of my heart. Like a wild wolf howls up to the moon, so do I call.
thanks for listening
sincerely
Abysmal_Angel
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