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how to begin... - 1/18/2013 6:01:32 AM   
newslavegirl248


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/18/2013
Status: offline 		Hi everyone. At the beggining sorry for all mistakes, I am not from England so forgive me :).

I am wondering..how to begin? How was it at your relationship? I know and pretty sure my husband loves domination and all this climate, but he is afraid about new things and dosnt want to hurt me...

I am dreaming about the spanking for example, but really dont know how to begin and how to ask him to spank me because he is ashamed and thinks I am joking!

It is frustrating when somebody needs good fucking and the partner is ashamed.
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RE: how to begin... - 1/18/2013 6:11:25 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		"Honey, please give me a little swat." (Swat is English for kind of a playful spank. You can see one on Youtube... show it to him if you think it will help.)
The "swat" is at 1:25.

It's fun and affectionate.

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RE: how to begin... - 1/18/2013 6:19:33 AM   
newslavegirl248


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/18/2013
Status: offline 		If I am asking like that he doesnt take it serious and spanking me like a joke.. If u know what I mean. Hard to explain. I just want him to take me, take the pants down and and seriously spank couple of time, for example when I have done something bad or be rude to him etc.

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RE: how to begin... - 1/18/2013 8:19:31 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		There's a really good book list on the forums. I'd start with The Loving Dominant by John Warren.

If your husband is already in, I would suggest finding your local community and attending events. It will give an opportunity to see how others run their relationships and learn.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: how to begin... - 1/18/2013 8:22:33 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Where is that clip of that Seymour or whatever his name is from the TV show spanking?

Have him watch that.  

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RE: how to begin... - 1/18/2013 10:34:04 AM   
Nawashiwallace


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/16/2013
Status: offline 		Here is a novice Idea but a playful one. Just a suggestion.....
One evening when the 2 of you are lounging on the couch 1 evening, Lay crossed his lap and take his hand and have him start caressing your bottom, once he seems comfortable with that, lift his hand up a little bit and let it drop to your backside as if it were a small spank. then with a little giggle, say "ouch, may I have another sir". Make it fun for him to easy his about giving you what you long for.

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RE: how to begin... - 1/18/2013 2:44:18 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		get him to watch some spanking porn. I mean, come on...what man doesn't like watching porn?


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RE: how to begin... - 1/18/2013 4:25:51 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Ease up on your expectations. He's new and doesn't want to hurt you. Accept that he's not going to get it first time. When he's done, tell him you enjoyed it...

but it'd be fine if he did it harder next time.
but you'd like him to use it to punish you instead of just for fun.
and you feel closer to him after he spanks you.

You get the idea. Let him know you appreciate it, and you're up to experimenting more and seeing what works. Don't pressure him to get it right away.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: how to begin... - 1/18/2013 8:07:01 PM   
chadra


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newslavegirl248
I know and pretty sure my husband loves domination and all this climate, but he is afraid about new things and dosnt want to hurt me...

How are you pretty sure he loves it? I'm seriously asking. If you're right, that's terrific. If not, though, it can be a tough spot to be in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: newslavegirl248
I am dreaming about the spanking for example, but really dont know how to begin and how to ask him to spank me because he is ashamed and thinks I am joking!

Do you think the shame he feels is cultural? I ask only because you've said you're not originally from the UK and am not sure where you are from. Some cultures are more open with sexuality than others. Does he have difficulty openly discussing sexuality with you in the vanilla sense? Does he react with humor from a sense of discomfort about the "forbidden"?

Remember, even for some western guys, cultural taboos about "hurting" women can be tough to overcome.

Thinking about those things might lead you to frame your discussions and interactions with him in slightly different ways.

Try to remember that even though you have these thoughts/fantasies in your own mind, he's not in there with you.

It may be (very) slow going, with lots of patience required.




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RE: how to begin... - 1/19/2013 7:50:31 AM   
newslavegirl248


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/18/2013
Status: offline 		Thank u for your all advices! I will try again and again and we will see :) I'll let you know.

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RE: how to begin... - 1/20/2013 7:05:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Be grateful for the one light swat. Don't tell him it wasn't good enough or he will never try it again. Instead tell him that you loved it and could he now have sex with you since you're incredibly aroused. And over the next few weeks tell him frequently how much you loved it and could he please do it again real soon only harder and longer.

Expect the next time to get three light swats. Respond positively and expect this to take six months to a year before he feels safe doing this. Be glad he's worried about hurting you, it means he's a good guy.

The other way to explain it is to compare it to other strong sensations. Does he like really spicy food, the kind that makes your mouth burn and your eyes tear? Then why is it okay to enjoy strong sensations in food but not in sex? Some people like horror movies, they love screaming when the murderer comes out slashing. So why is it okay to enjoy a strong sensation in a movie but not in sex? Hell, even roller coasters can get some pretty intense reactions. So why is it okay there but not during sex?

But if you aren't going to wait for him to become comfortable doing this, going at a speed that works for him, then don't even start it because it will end badly.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 1/20/2013 7:07:12 PM >

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RE: how to begin... - 1/21/2013 10:08:19 AM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		write him a letter.

Be honest and tell him what you feel and how hot it would make you.

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RE: how to begin... - 1/22/2013 4:32:54 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		My (now ex) husband and I started off with a light suede flogger and quickly worked our way up to heavy leather. Seeing and hearing how aroused I got helped him get over his block about hurting me.

Oh, we also got several books from the booklist: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

And joined a local BDSM group.




< Message edited by kalikshama -- 1/22/2013 4:33:45 PM >

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