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AthenaSurrenders -> RE: help help help (1/19/2013 2:15:22 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rabbitman
when i was with my ex partner we started to get alot more rougher with each other and i liked it.
am really looking to take it further to the next stage if you get what i mean.
sub and dom ect i want to give it a try but do i try and learn on my own or with a new partner who may not like it or do i find someone who has exp.
at the same time if i find someone who has exp and they take things to far and put me off as it would really be a first time sort of thing but am not shy to try
i just dont want ot be put off the whole thing i do like quite abit of stuff but still got loads to learn
No, I don't really get it. What do YOU consider to be the next stage? Even rougher sex? Rough sex more often? Making all of a person's decisions for them? Keeping someone naked and kneeling at all times?
The answer to 'how do I start learning' is 'every way you can'.
Do look up local events and munches. Meeting people in the flesh who are actually doing this is the quickest way to get a realistic idea of how other people make it work. Make friends and who knows? You might find someone who wants to explore with you too. This is also a way to learn hands-on techniques if you are hoping to learn something specific like caning or rope work.
Read a lot. I'm sure someone will point you in the direction of the non-fiction book list. Also read the forums, there are a lot of people here with experience. Ask questions, and try to put yourself in other people's shoes to understand what's going on.
As tempting as it is, try to avoid too much BDSM porn, because it tends to give people strange expectations and will teach you nothing. Watch it for fun, by all means, but think of it like you'd think of Lord of the Rings - it has no basis in reality.
Find people who want to learn with you. I'm not clear on whether you want a relationship or just a play partner. Either way, meet people who have similar interests. You mention you are worried about someone going too far and putting you off - well, your profile says you are the dominant, so you don't allow that to happen. Easy. She says 'let's do needle play!' and you say 'no that's too far for me and I don't know how to do it safely'. Problem solved.
Whether you go for someone new or experienced is up to you. The important thing is you are both upfront about what you know and you are both willing to communicate and work within each other's limits and abilities. Even if someone has lots of experience, they don't have experience with YOU so there is still lots of learning and adapting to be done.
Again, not sure if this is D/s or just kink, but if you are going for a power exchange do not expect it to happen overnight. Power exchange is tricky, it takes a lot of tweaking and testing to get the balance that works just right for you. Best to start small with simple expectations and build on it.
QUICK EDIT: Also Mike you will do yourself a favour if you use your capital letters and full stops - your post is pretty hard to make sense of, so a lot of people will just skip over it.
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