Mercnbeth
Posts: 11766
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A very ugly woman walks into WalMart with her two kids.
The WalMart Greeter asks, "Are they twins?"
The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"
No," replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"!
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A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the breeding bull exhibit.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See ... He mated 50 times last year? ... once-a-week."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."
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A man and his wife sat at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
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From the full mail box after a 10 day trip... - 
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