Duskypearls
Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
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These are classified ads which were actually placed in Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneakyneighbour's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a nel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
__________________________________________________ _____
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
__________________________________________________ ______
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
__________________________________________________ ___________
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ..
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
__________________________________________________ _________
And the WINNER is...
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45
volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
(Statement of the Century)
__________________________________________________ _________
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
__________________________________________________ __________
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN:
K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I '
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't
punish
him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand......
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's.
Did you copy his?
John: No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel
has
been turned off.
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U.K. newspaper ads - 
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