Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (Full Version)

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mattetta22 -> Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/19/2013 7:34:05 PM)

I want to experience a Mistress but I don't want to be a slave. Is it common for people to just try but not do as a full time thing? Or is that taboo in the BDSM world?



Level -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/19/2013 7:40:01 PM)

It's called bottoming.



mattetta22 -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/19/2013 7:46:53 PM)

I appreciate the lesson in semantics but you didn't really answer my question.



Baroana -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/19/2013 7:55:14 PM)

They mean that there are people who engage in these activities full time, part time, and very part time. However, just remember that nothing is free.



Level -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/19/2013 7:58:07 PM)

What do you want? To serve part time? No, that isn't taboo.

I'm sure a mistress will be along to further help you.



Lynnxz -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/19/2013 8:02:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mattetta22

I want to experience a Mistress but I don't want to be a slave. Is it common for people to just try but not do as a full time thing? Or is that taboo in the BDSM world?


If you just want to dip your toe in, and want someone experienced, AND are not interested in a long term relationship,you could always search for a pro domme in your area. They usually get a lot of first timers.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/19/2013 8:44:06 PM)

You could bottom. That's kink-based rather than power-exchange based, if you're mostly interested in kink. Or have a kinky FWB/play partner, that's another option. There's also going to a Pro-Domme, of course the Pro option will cost you.

Then there are other D/s dynamic options besides 24/7/365. I have a submissive but we live in different states so that's not 24/7/365. The service and kink aspects of it are pretty much when we're together and not when we're not. That might not work for some, but it works for us, until he retires and we can be together in one place.

NBMG



mattetta22 -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/19/2013 8:46:13 PM)

Yea just wanted to dip my toe in- exactly. Nothing extreme either- ie) whipping, beatings, and inserts up the ass... I just like the idea of being dominated by a women in a purely sexual rather than painful way.

I appreciate the responses.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/20/2013 1:01:46 AM)

There are no rules. If it works for you and the other person involved, then that's fine. We won't take your sub-card away for doing it differently.

If you're looking for a sex-only scene, a lot of people will call that bottoming rather than submitting. Generally 'bottoming' is when you are receiving the spanking/being tied up/ having things done to you. Submitting is when you are serving someone else's will and desires. You can bottom without submitting because you start out by saying 'today we will do this and this but not that'. On the other hand you can agree to submit to someone only for a certain period of time or on certain matters.

It doesn't really matter what you call it. Your choices are to find someone who wants the same things as you and start a relationship (lots of people have a kinky-in-the-bedroom, vanilla-outside relationship), go to play parties and once people know what a good guy you are you can ask someone to play with you (probably no actual sex this way) or you can pay a pro and have the scene you imagine (definitely no sex with that one).

Have fun.



wannapleez -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/21/2013 4:43:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mattetta22

I appreciate the lesson in semantics but you didn't really answer my question.

If this was Facebook, I would "like" that. :)



OsideGirl -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/21/2013 5:12:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mattetta22

I appreciate the lesson in semantics but you didn't really answer my question.


Yes, he did. He gave you the proper term so you could go look it up and see for yourself.



DOMMEinDallas -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/21/2013 6:09:15 PM)

You can do this HOURLY if you want.
There are no RULES unless you are owned.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/21/2013 6:41:35 PM)

The ONLY rules for how this is done.
Are the rules that YOU set for your relationships.
There are people who play casually (sexually and non) and go about their ways.
Those that are only submissive in play are bottoms. (which is what you were told)
So he DID help you.

Again perhaps not the answer you were hoping for but it was a real and honest answer.
In-fact it was a helpful one.




Lucifyre -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/21/2013 7:38:48 PM)

I don't know where you live (and I'm too fuckin lazy to look) but in the area I live in the local public dungeon space would be a good place to find something like that. The guys that own the space are happy to help you get on your way to finding something of that nature after you've spent a little time hanging around and getting to know them and other folks that attend regularly. I'm not saying to go and ask for a scene on your first night, but once people are comfortable with you (here) ad know you're not a creepoid all you have to do is speak up and if they know someone who would be willing to accomodate (including pointing yu toward a pro domme) they're happy to help out.
BTW, for the record, I know most folks say *get thee to a munch* but I didn't see anywhere in his post where he said he was looking for social interaction.
Even if think it would be good for him ;)

Just sayin
Lucifyre



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/21/2013 8:45:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mattetta22

Yea just wanted to dip my toe in- exactly. Nothing extreme either- ie) whipping, beatings, and inserts up the ass... I just like the idea of being dominated by a women in a purely sexual rather than painful way.

I appreciate the responses.


This makes it unlikely that most pro-dommes will help you as most do not allow sexual contact. The way you would most likely find somebody who would want to top you is by joining the real life BDSM community. However, I think you're unlikely to find much of one in Alberta outside of Edmonton or Calgary. If you happen to live in or near one of those cities, I recommend you join FetLife.com. When filling out your profile, list the city. Once you're logged in, go to the "Places" tab and click on the province, then the city. Then look at the links that brings up. Most community events will be listed there, along with FL groups pertaining to that city. Go to as many of the events as possible, be friendly, charming, etc, win friends, influence people and you might find a female top who likes you and enjoys playing the way you want to play.



seekingreality -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/21/2013 11:06:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mattetta22

Yea just wanted to dip my toe in- exactly. Nothing extreme either- ie) whipping, beatings, and inserts up the ass... I just like the idea of being dominated by a women in a purely sexual rather than painful way.

I appreciate the responses.




There are no rules. You just want to have some kinky fun. Nothing uncommon about that. The issue -- of course -- will be that the more narrow and "me"-focused your interests are, the more difficulty it will be to find a domme, other than if you are willing to pay for the exact services you want.



LadyPact -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/22/2013 12:18:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mattetta22

Yea just wanted to dip my toe in- exactly. Nothing extreme either- ie) whipping, beatings, and inserts up the ass... I just like the idea of being dominated by a women in a purely sexual rather than painful way.

I appreciate the responses.
Here is the key that I think you are missing.

Kinky sex is still sex. What you seem to be looking for is a kinky casual sexual encounter. Kinky casual sexual encounters are no more or less common than non kinky casual sexual encounters.

People are telling you to get to know people and go to munches and such because just wanting to fuck doesn't go over any better with kinky women as it does non kinky ones. In other words, most people at least want to like you before climbing between the sheets with you.

There's not a thing wrong with wanting to try new things out. Just remember that a lot of the every day stuff still applies when it comes to women and intimacy.




Wickad -> RE: Wanting to experience a Mistress but... (1/29/2013 12:29:54 AM)

(fast reply)

To the OP,

You really should put what city you live in .... grrrr in your profile. It makes it much harder to answer your question without it.

LadyPact is totally on the money - you seem to be seeking a "kinky casual sexual encounter". HarryVanWinkle is also correct in his assessment that probably the best place to seek this out is in either Edmonton or Calgary.

I currently live in Saskatoon but I moved here from Calgary where I was pretty active in the local community there. If you go on fetlife and do a search for Kirk Handy (I'm not giving anything away, this is his online handle as well) he should be able to point you in the right direction. He used to host (and is trying to restart) the Kinky? Bar Night. This is like any other bar night where you go to pick up people except most won't be freaked out if you want to be spanked or tied up (though I don't recommend doing this on a first date). Here's Kinky?'s facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/KinkyNightCalgary

If you live near Edmonton then I can't really help there. The events that I know of in Edmonton tended to cater to the more serious BDSM players. The crew who put on the monthly play party took over Taboo (sex trade show) this past year and did flesh hook suspension and flesh pulls. It didn't seem you were interested in that level of play ... mind you it isn't the only things they do there - lol.

If you have any questions please feel free to contact me here or on fetlife - my nickname is the same,
Wickad



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