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Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 11:20:33 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Relative to D/s and M/s relationships, I would like to know where you derive your greatest personal satisfaction. Over the years I have known many people who seemed to need attention and/or affection to drive them, but in more recent years I have seen that there are certainly those who have a greater need for a sense of accomplishment or approval.

When assigned a non-sexual task, where is your motivation?

Are these "a's" (attention, affection, accomplishment, approval) qualitative terms in submission on whatever level you are at or desire to go?

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

Post #: 1

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 11:31:12 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

When assigned a non-sexual task, where is your motivation?

I seek approval. Confirmation that what I do is pleasing.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 2

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 12:03:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
Relative to D/s and M/s relationships, I would like to know where you derive your greatest personal satisfaction.

By knowing we're fulfilling eachother in who we are.

quote:

When assigned a non-sexual task, where is your motivation?

Depends on how I feel and what the context is. Sometimes it's just to get it done. Sometimes it's to get a reward. Sometimes it's because no one else will do it. Sometimes it's pride. Sometimes it's the altruistic bliss of doing something for another.

quote:

Are these "a's" (attention, affection, accomplishment, approval) qualitative terms in submission on whatever level you are at or desire to go?

They can be expressed in qualitative ways- but I do not think the things themselves are qualitative.

And yes, most submissives/slaves desparately crave approval.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 3

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 12:05:47 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

I am not sure about motivations. Too many variables for one pat answer. What type of assignemnt? What type of mood I am in? What level of slave mode I am in? My reactions can range from the mundane, clean the bathroom because it justs has to get done to being giddy and thinking about the smile or thank you I might get and anywhere in between.

Motivation is not really something I think about. it is just part of my life when I am owned. Following mundane orders are just part of the life and the life with the right owner is my motivation because that is what makes me happy. Sure there can be motivations like fear of being punished or the personal satisfication of finishing something your owner ordered but to me I have always tried to treat the mundane duties and orders as my duty and commitment to the relationship and have not normally needed to search within myself for motivation to carry it out.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 4

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 12:18:57 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

When assigned a non-sexual task, where is your motivation?

To make his life easier by doing the things he either doesn't want to do or doesn't have the time to do. Since we are going to be moving, there are a lot of tasks which need to be done that he simply won't be able to do because he works so much.

quote:

Are these "a's" (attention, affection, accomplishment, approval) qualitative terms in submission on whatever level you are at or desire to go?

I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean. I made arrangements to have the phones turned on at the new house because we need to have phones turned on. It's a matter of do it ... or do without. I'm doing a little bit each day in addition to my regular chores so I won't be stuck doing everything all at once when the time comes for the movers to arrive.

I don't expect approval, affection or attention for taking care of business. I suppose accomplishment, a bit, might enter into what's going on around here because I've been very productive, but I don't expect recognition of it anymore than I'd expect a pat on the back for washing my hair every other day. It just needs to be done, so it's done.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 5

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 12:28:18 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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I love trick questions - who started this mess? (Oh.)

I still want input, but I'll throw this out. Accomplishment is, of the four, the only self-derived motivator.

So, is it safe to say that having your own 'pat on the back' is sufficient?

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 12:33:07 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

So, is it safe to say that having your own 'pat on the back' is sufficient?

Hmm.. not sure I really pat myself on the back either. I guess I don't really think about it much. I know the more I get done, the less stress I'm going to have on moving day and that will free me up to take care of other business that Himself may need at that time.

Not much of an answer, huh? ::chuckles::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 7

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 12:43:41 PM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

I personally don't expect a pat on the head and a good girl for every non-sexual task I perform. I mean.. in the house we both will have our roles..and each one will have things that need to be done. He is the one that works...and takes care of things on that end..and I am the one that will run the houshold..keeping things on an even keel in that area. I don't expect Him to reward me for doing as I should...that is part of being in a relationship be it vanilla.. or M/s...it's only natural and makes both parties happier and more pleased in each other.

I don't think that anyone minds being told "thank you"... or being shown they are appreciated in some way sometimes..be they the Master or the slave....but I don't think it needs to be done.. or should be done for every tiny litttle thing. I mean.. flowers are very nice.. and a great gift..but wouldn't even that get tiring after getting them every single day? The "being special" part would sort of fade away...and the "thank you" wouldn't warm the heart as much...but if I did everything as I should..I worked hard..and everything was going well...and Master brought me home flowers and said "thank you.. for everything you do"...that would make me melt.
~Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 8

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 1:08:13 PM

Taylore

Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

When assigned a non-sexual task, where is your motivation?

My motivation is in knowing that something that needed to be done, is now getting done. Housework, bill paying, cooking, etc.... I do these things beccause they have to be done. That's MY motivation.

_____________________________

Taylore

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 9

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 1:28:26 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My motivation is knowing i will make him happy. Sometimes his back hurts so i will give him a back rub i don't find that a sexual thing. It make him feel better so i am more than glad to give him one. Seving him his coffee is not a sexual thing but he likes his coffee and it again makes me happy to do it for him. I guess just want him happy that is my motivation i like to see his smile.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Taylore)

Post #: 10

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 1:30:09 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Pretty easy really. You're doing something your Dominant wants you to do. Therefore the motivation is in doing as you were asked. I think the greatest thing to hear is "good girl" or "I'm pleased with you"

What more do you need? *smiles*

A Happy Dominant is more likely to want to do the fun stuff don't you think?

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Taylore)

Post #: 11

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 2:01:10 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Taylore

quote:

When assigned a non-sexual task, where is your motivation?

My motivation is in knowing that something that needed to be done, is now getting done. Housework, bill paying, cooking, etc.... I do these things beccause they have to be done. That's MY motivation.

Same here. For me, it has little to do with whether he will be "happy" about something. Nor does it have anything to do with what he "expects."

It all has to do with what I expect of myself, and whether it needs getting done - regardless of who does the doing. If the trash needs to be taken out and he's busy, I'm not going to let it set there in the can because that's "his" job. If the dishes are in the sink, they've got to be washed.

However, I also expect him to not feel that he's to high and mighty to lift his hand to doing what needs to get done. If I'm busy doing something that needs doing, and he notices something else that needs doing - I expect him to take care of it if he's not busy - not to simply bitch at me about adding another thing to MY "to do" list to get taken care of when I'm Not busy. (And there's probably nothing that pisses me off more than someone who is lounging/relaxing while I work, who interupts me to do something For Them that they could easily get up and take care of themselves! If I'm doing laundry and you're watching TV, don't call me into the living room to get you a glass of Tea - get off your own rump during the commercial!)

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to Taylore)

Post #: 12

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 2:11:59 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

However, I also expect him to not feel that he's to high and mighty to lift his hand to doing what needs to get done. If I'm busy doing something that needs doing, and he notices something else that needs doing - I expect him to take care of it if he's not busy - not to simply bitch at me about adding another thing to MY "to do" list to get taken care of when I'm Not busy. (And there's probably nothing that pisses me off more than someone who is lounging/relaxing while I work, who interupts me to do something For Them that they could easily get up and take care of themselves! If I'm doing laundry and you're watching TV, don't call me into the living room to get you a glass of Tea - get off your own rump during the commercial!)

I'm about as opposite to this mindset as you can get. ::laughs:: If I'm in the middle of laundry, which has to be done, period.. and Himself wants me to stop to get him a glass of ice tea while he's watching tv, I'm thrilled because that's doing something 'for' him.. not doing something just because it needs to be done. For me, that would be a perk.. getting to serve him even though he's quite capable of doing it for himself. The laundry can always wait ... it'll be there after he gets his ice tea.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 13

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 2:26:42 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

If I'm doing laundry and you're watching TV, don't call me into the living room to get you a glass of Tea - get off your own rump during the commercial!)

I'm about as opposite to this mindset as you can get. ::laughs:: If I'm in the middle of laundry, which has to be done, period.. and Himself wants me to stop to get him a glass of ice tea while he's watching tv, I'm thrilled because that's doing something 'for' him.. not doing something just because it needs to be done. For me, that would be a perk.. getting to serve him even though he's quite capable of doing it for himself. The laundry can always wait ... it'll be there after he gets his ice tea.

For a long time I held the sort of attitude you have, Celeste. I guess I grew out of it after to many times of having someone take advantage of my willingness to put things on hold, and to many catch 22s. I have done a lot of changing over the years since I started taking part in BDSM. I went from being strictly a bottom, to being very submissive, to considering myself a slave (through the mechanism of internal enslavement - refusing to allow myself whatever rights I may still have had in reality) back to considering myself submissive - and now, 22 years later, back to being almost exclusively a bottom. In the intervening years, I've seen the good, the bad, and the indifferent in ds dynamics within my personal life. Unfortunately, I've had more of the bad and the indifferent than I have the good, and it has colored my perceptions, as well as what I want, what I need, and what I will put up with. I haven't completely ruled out the idea that eventually I could meet someone who is SO compatible with me on ALL levels that I find myself instinctively and completely surrendered to him in all ways. I simply don't consider it particularly Likely at this point in my life, and even if I do eventually meet such a man it will be years into the relationship before I reach the point of feeling some sort of satisfaction out of doing for him simply for the sake of doing for him. That feeling, for me, pretty much got used up in my last relationship. There are times that I envy women like yourself, who ARE capable of feeling that. That envy, however, hasn't kept me from living happily without the capacity to feel such myself, nor has it given me any desire to push myself in that direction or to somehow Fake that sort of feeling for someone else's sake. I wouldn't be doing myself, or him, any favors if I were to do so.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 14

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 2:38:21 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Aw, HGP, I hope you can get that feeling back. It's been 10 years of living with and loving on this man I call Master and what we now share has gone through a lot of ups and downs. You know what, though.. you know where your comfort levels are and that's half the battle right there. I already know that this relationship is it for me. If something happens to it, whether through death or dismissal, I'm hanging up the slave shoes for good. This is the third collar for me, the second marriage and I'm not willing to try it out again on any front if it doesn't work. That doesn't mean I'd quit doing S/m, but it would be strictly as a bottom/top with play partners. No more service. No one else is getting my power once he's done with it. Call it a self-fulfilling prophesy.

The knees are gone, the eyes are going.. I'm ready to enjoy the twilight years and just do the beat/get beat thing. ::grins::

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 6/19/2006 2:42:30 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 15

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 2:42:13 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

However, I also expect him to not feel that he's to high and mighty to lift his hand to doing what needs to get done. If I'm busy doing something that needs doing, and he notices something else that needs doing - I expect him to take care of it if he's not busy - not to simply bitch at me about adding another thing to MY "to do" list to get taken care of when I'm Not busy. (And there's probably nothing that pisses me off more than someone who is lounging/relaxing while I work, who interupts me to do something For Them that they could easily get up and take care of themselves! If I'm doing laundry and you're watching TV, don't call me into the living room to get you a glass of Tea - get off your own rump during the commercial!)

I'm about as opposite to this mindset as you can get. ::laughs:: If I'm in the middle of laundry, which has to be done, period.. and Himself wants me to stop to get him a glass of ice tea while he's watching tv, I'm thrilled because that's doing something 'for' him.. not doing something just because it needs to be done. For me, that would be a perk.. getting to serve him even though he's quite capable of doing it for himself. The laundry can always wait ... it'll be there after he gets his ice tea.

Celeste

I am in between those two thoughts. I just cannot get all giddy for doing many mundane things that are done over and over. Yes, at a begininng of a relationship anything to get a smile on the face of my owner was bliss, but after fetching a glass of water a few hundred times that thrill long wears off. I do not get mad at those type of orders as that is what I am there for, but it is what it is to me.

We all have different things that we would call mundane. For instance, I get a big thrill out of cooking for my owner and never have I gotten tired of fixing meals when I am owned. Just love it. At the same time getting an owners clothes out in the morning does not register as a pleasure at all.

Back to the OP, most of the truly mundane orders I have received after the initial bliss stage, is just a natural reaction and part of my life and not needed outward or inward motivation. Just like sleeping, taking a shower and other things we do day in and day out that just have to get done.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 16

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 3:45:13 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
When assigned a non-sexual task, where is your motivation?

Are these "a's" (attention, affection, accomplishment, approval) qualitative terms in submission on whatever level you are at or desire to go?

My motivation is to make His life easier/happier/simpler. If He has asked me to do something it means there is a reason. I get a sense of accomplishment and pride to know I have done something for another. As well just being given a task means I am needed for something and I will admit it is a nice feeling.

Even with Rob and I, we do not have a D/s dynamic but if he asks me to do something for him, I feel happy knowing there was something I could take care of so he doesn't have to worry about it. Even silly simple things like calling the insurence agency or having the coffee made in the morning for him.

denika

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 17

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 4:16:09 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I want approval I guess. I also think that the nature of the task is very important. I write movie reviews for the dom I am seeing related to movies he assigns me. It gives me insight into the things he feels are important, and it gives him insight into how I think. My motivation is to know him better in many of the tasks he assigns me, to have fun with him. It is all about fun for us I suppose.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 18

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 4:27:06 PM

shyfem

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

For me I think it is the sense of accomplishment and knowing I have pleased regardless of being "shown" appreciation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia

I don't think that anyone minds being told "thank you"... or being shown they are appreciated in some way sometimes..be they the Master or the slave....but I don't think it needs to be done.. or should be done for every tiny litttle thing.

I really like the way that Ticia put this.

~shy
----------------------------------------------
May all who tread here find what they seek!

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 19

RE: Submissives, slaves, and the 'A's - 6/19/2006 4:31:53 PM

kickinchick

Posts: 129
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

Dang...I thought you were talking about baseball...the Oakland A's and got excited because fo my Dom...pouts and hides, but before I leave.
I just like to please my Fastlane. If I don't get an A...I'll settle for a B...C is passing...and a D...I learned, does not stand for Diploma..it stands for Dominance...and he will whip my Ass..........yummy.

(in reply to shyfem)

Post #: 20

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