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Punishments - 1/21/2013 4:02:44 PM   
ClemsonMonica


Posts: 5
Status: offline 		I got into a little bit of a hole with my Dom and he wants to me think of a punishment for myself. He wont allow me to be spanked since I like it, but I am totally against his idea of punishment for me! He said I have to come up with one he likes better or I get his. Ideas??
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 4:31:04 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Fix whatever the problem is. Write up a plan to help you not do it again.

Or maybe, no TV for a week. (Or coffee or sex or booze or whatever would actually be a sacrifice.) Write an essay about how what you did let him down and caused him a problem, and how you can be a better sub in the future.

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 4:50:42 PM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		What's the purpose of the punishment? Does he want satisfaction, i.e. a pound of flesh? Does he want to ensure that it doesn't happen again? Does he want you to be miserable?

The purpose will dictate they type of punishment of which he will approve.

I'm the type who just doesn't want the mistake repeated. We're grownups and can figure out a way for that to happen.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 4:52:20 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		the punishment should be that you both have to sit down and talk about it and make your relationship stronger and decide together about the punishment or what needs to be done to repair the situation.

From the sounds of it neither of you really knows what to do at this point.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to evesgrden)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 5:09:26 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

the punishment should be that you both have to sit down and talk about it and make your relationship stronger and decide together about the punishment or what needs to be done to repair the situation.

From the sounds of it neither of you really knows what to do at this point.



^^^ This. Sitting down and discussing things like adults usually works better than punishment.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 5:30:31 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClemsonMonica

I got into a little bit of a hole with my Dom and he wants to me think of a punishment for myself. He wont allow me to be spanked since I like it, but I am totally against his idea of punishment for me! He said I have to come up with one he likes better or I get his. Ideas??


My idea is re-read the red text and deside if you
want to do what your dom wishes or if your going
take the easy way out and just copy paste
someone elses idea from the internet.

Nothing anyone else says is going to be
personalised to you anyway, and as a general
rule I don't think up specifics for questions like
this due to the high number of people who just
ask similar things so they can wank to the
answers.

Just as with life, where the destination isn't as
important as the journey. Maybe there is some
merit beyond an answer that only comes with
working things out for yourself.

-Aries


< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 1/21/2013 5:31:55 PM >

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530 DAYS

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
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RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 6:43:13 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClemsonMonica

I got into a little bit of a hole with my Dom and he wants to me think of a punishment for myself. He wont allow me to be spanked since I like it, but I am totally against his idea of punishment for me! He said I have to come up with one he likes better or I get his. Ideas??


Because I like things done sequentially....

What was his idea? Until I hear it, I'm gonna take my default position that he's another clueless dom covering his own ignorance and inexperience by having the sub think of everything. IE, he's leading from the back....

At least he's got the "no spank" right (IMO) - that you don't punish anyone by giving them that which they like/want/enjoy/etc.

So there's a clue to how I punish - I withdraw my attention from her.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 6:44:21 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't have a problem with punishments. Master and I have a punishment dynamic but here's the thing.....we sit down and talk about it first and we understand each other's views and why it happened and what needs to be done.

From what I've read of the op, it just doesn't seem like there has even been this discussion. If there was this would be much more easier that she would not even need to post about it here. At least that's the way we do it here.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:10:17 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClemsonMonica

I got into a little bit of a hole with my Dom and he wants me to think of a punishment for myself.
I am totally against his idea of punishment for me!
He said I have to come up with one he likes better or I get his. Ideas??

I don't think you are taking your "infraction" serious enough, and no matter what punishments anyone here
suggests, it won't do anything to instill in you the desire to change the behavior that got you in the hole.
Instead of you taking the time to reflect on what you did wrong, and even though your Dom offered you
an opportunity to come up with your own ideas, you think it's fine to present your relationship issues
to a message board full of strangers and hope for all the easy answers.

Also, did you know your "Dom" is claiming ownership of someone other than you in his profile?

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:14:38 PM   
ClemsonMonica


Posts: 5
Status: offline 		He wants to make sure I follow his directions perfectly next time, so he wants me to not do this particular thing again.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:17:10 PM   
ClemsonMonica


Posts: 5
Status: offline 		Also, to answer other questions, his idea for a punishment is a GREAT idea, I just really really really don't want to do it, so he told me if I come up with a better idea, he may allow me to do it instead of his. I just sent him a small list of ideas I came up with before this, but y'all are giving me the same things I already thought of! lol We did talk it out today and when I finally apologized for it and we were on good terms, he reminded me I'd be getting something to remind me not do it ever again.

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:18:14 PM   
ClemsonMonica


Posts: 5
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise


quote:

ORIGINAL: ClemsonMonica

I got into a little bit of a hole with my Dom and he wants me to think of a punishment for myself.
I am totally against his idea of punishment for me!
He said I have to come up with one he likes better or I get his. Ideas??

I don't think you are taking your "infraction" serious enough, and no matter what punishments anyone here
suggests, it won't do anything to instill in you the desire to change the behavior that got you in the hole.
Instead of you taking the time to reflect on what you did wrong, and even though your Dom offered you
an opportunity to come up with your own ideas, you think it's fine to present your relationship issues
to a message board full of strangers and hope for all the easy answers.

Also, did you know your "Dom" is claiming ownership of someone other than you in his profile?


He accidentally used my yahoo user name instead of my CM name, so yes, I know its incorrect, but it doesn't really bother me too much.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:19:32 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClemsonMonica

Also, to answer other questions, his idea for a punishment is a GREAT idea, I just really really really don't want to do it,


That would be what makes it a punishment, no?

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:22:11 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Oh and....It's nice to see another female gun enthusiast on these boards.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:22:21 PM   
ClemsonMonica


Posts: 5
Status: offline 		It is pretty much a hard limit for me.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:46:22 PM   
HoldinOn


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/28/2012
Status: offline 		Pretty much a hard limit? Either it isn't and you suck it up and to it. Or it is, and he is undermining the foundation of the relationship by pressing it.

As an aside, I assume the pics on his profile are of you? So he is giving out your personal info and posting comprising photos of you online? That would have me running.

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 7:50:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I figured that out without you saying so. There are guys out there who claim they will respect your hard limits but look for reasons to break them claiming it's perfectly fine if it's a punishment.

I don't know what you did that he thinks is so horrible. I'm sure it isn't as bad as what he's done, which is prove himself to be unsafe and untrustworthy.

If you think he'd respect a safeword, then use it. Me? I'd run far and fast because I don't think you can trust him to listen if you safeword. After all, you already hard limited this and he's ignored that.

Next time, make sure the guy is trustworthy and won't do shit like this.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 8:05:21 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Have you been together long?

My concern is you are 19 and he is 44 and he is deciding on a hard limit of yours as a punishment, as a way to teach you to follow his directions perfectly.

Is this the first time he's punished you? Is his reasoning for using a hard limit as a punishment because he's tried everything in the book and nothing has worked? Is he at a loss for how to receive obedience?

Not enough to go on here, and in my punishment dynamic, the Mister really personalizes the punishment to what the infraction is, as a way to seal the conversations we've had about it into my mind. So it's not a beating or anything like that; usually it's something really creative that drives a point home. So while I have no idea what would work best for you, I do have concerns about what I've read so far.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 8:08:25 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Does he even know what your hard limits are? Have you two even ever met in person? Have you two talked about much at all except hot sex chat?

All of this will make a difference in what I think. I wouldn't say he's dangerous or pushing you or anything else since I don't know the relationship. For all I know you two are just playing and you've never even talked about serious stuff.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Punishments - 1/21/2013 9:12:41 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClemsonMonica

I got into a little bit of a hole with my Dom and he wants to me think of a punishment for myself. He wont allow me to be spanked since I like it, but I am totally against his idea of punishment for me! He said I have to come up with one he likes better or I get his. Ideas??


I think he should send you out shopping...ALL DAY LONG, with his credit cards. Don't come home until you've found a very sexy dress, some great shoes, and jewelry to match.

That should teach you a lesson!

(in reply to ClemsonMonica)
Profile   Post #: 20
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