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curious - 1/21/2013 4:30:14 PM

sassybtch

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Joined: 5/20/2008
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Hi I'm not sure anyone can answer this or not because of course there is no real way to know anothers thoughts or intent. Nor can I say every detail. With that being said met a Dom conversed for weeks we both I thought where looking for a LTR @ least we both said that. We finally met laughed talked seemed great. We did this a few times. We talked and or texted daily. We finally played together and I felt like I had fell into something perfect for me sex was awe inspiring we enjoyed each others company outside of sex perfect. It seemed the more we had sex the less he talked to me finally I sent a message saying you seem to have lost interest in me he replied I just have a lot of shit going on in my life right now. (this was AFTER we both had discussed how we wanted the kind of relationship that when things went bad or wrong we pulled together and made a stronger whole) I ask if I could help he asked if I thought I was fucking Dr Phil. Then quit responding to me at all. Sooo I moved on 6 months go by he once again tolod me he wanted to be my Dom. I was leery but it was great until the end and in his defense he was in a custody battle for his son was facing a possible lay off at work so he did have some shit in his life before. Anyways almost the same thing again once we started having sex he pulled further and further away until he just did not respond to me at all. My question is was it just a game to get me? Or is it once he uses me abuses me during sex he can no longer separate the person he abuses during sex from the person outside of there? Or is it I did not fulfill him sexually? He often said I am going to make you use your safe word this time. I never did. I have ask him and did not get a response.
Thanks in advance for any insight you all may have.
This really bothers me I know I should just dust my ass off and move on but I really liked him when it was good and the sex uggghhh who knew you could crave that back that damn much?!

Post #: 1

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 4:44:00 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sassybtch
It seemed the more we had sex the less he talked to me.

we wanted the kind of relationship that when things went bad or wrong we pulled
together and made a stronger whole.

Almost the same thing again once we started having sex he pulled further and further away

He often said I am going to make you use your safe word this time. I never did.

Or is it I did not fulfill him sexually?

It seems to be more that the only connection he was able to form with you was a physical one.
Sure, it's ok to say that you both want a long term relationship, one in which you could stick together
through thick and then, but sometimes there isn't enough chemistry to make a deeper investment.

I would not offer him the privilege of being called your Dom, when all he is offering is sex.

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(in reply to sassybtch)

Post #: 2

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 4:50:18 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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This is simple.

You're his booty call. Clear and easy.

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Post #: 3

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 4:55:32 PM

kalikshama

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OP - pay attention to his actions, which are screaming "booty call," not his words.

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Post #: 4

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 4:59:31 PM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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Sometimes people say things that they don't really mean in order to get something. For whatever reason, he said he wanted a more meaningful relationship with you, but when it came time to deliver he either couldn't or wouldn't. Some people are really good at providing just enough of what the other person wants (or promising it) to keep them coming back.

It honestly doesn't matter what the reason is that he pulled away from you, the two of you did not match on some level and it can't go any further. Understanding the problem won't change the outcome. We rarely get closure for this type of thing, pick up and move on. I know it's hard. You will find someone who is a better match for you in all ways, not just the physical.

(in reply to sassybtch)

Post #: 5

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 5:08:10 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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Regardless of anything else: He's obviously not in a place where he is capable of being in a relationship. There's not point in destroying yourself because of that.

The second piece of advice, going back to an ex is like taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on.

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Post #: 6

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 5:26:09 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Regardless of anything else: He's obviously not in a place where he is capable of being in a relationship. There's not point in destroying yourself because of that.

The second piece of advice, going back to an ex is like taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on.

I nominate this for Sunny Quote of the Day! Brilliant, Oside!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 6:38:57 PM

littleone14

Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Regardless of anything else: He's obviously not in a place where he is capable of being in a relationship. There's not point in destroying yourself because of that.

The second piece of advice, going back to an ex is like taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on.

I nominate this for Sunny Quote of the Day! Brilliant, Oside!

I second that!

(in reply to Duskypearls)

Post #: 8

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 6:42:23 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I third that

oh Sunny! Where are youuuuuu?

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Post #: 9

RE: curious - 1/21/2013 7:43:31 PM

Duskypearls

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Yoooooo hooooo, Sunny.......you is wanted!

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Post #: 10

RE: curious - 1/22/2013 1:43:52 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Why is it that every time kink gets involved that chicks no longer understand that men will tell them what they want to hear to get them into bed?

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Post #: 11

RE: curious - 1/22/2013 3:04:50 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why is it that every time kink gets involved that chicks no longer understand that men will tell them what they want to hear to get them into bed?

I think on both sides kink represents a break from normality. A fairy tale land where you can put aside the way the world usually functions, and believe that you'll get the stereotype that you desperately want.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: curious - 4/26/2013 1:18:28 AM

sunshinemiss

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Sunny Quote of the Day
goes to
OsideGirl
for
going back to an ex is like taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4359196/mpage_1/key_sunny/tm.htm#4359455

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Post #: 13

RE: curious - 4/26/2013 5:11:52 AM

muhly22222

Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why is it that every time kink gets involved that chicks no longer understand that men will tell them what they want to hear to get them into bed?

Many men will say anything to chicks to get them into bed regardless of whether kink is involved or not.

OP...obviously we don't have the whole picture. But if somebody were to drop out of contact for 6 months after being so rude, I would very much doubt their motives and trustworthiness. They'd have to come hat-in-hand to me, and have a good reason for that lack of contact. "Good reason" being "I was in a coma" or something like that.

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I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.
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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: curious - 4/26/2013 8:46:38 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Involved in a nasty divorce case and losing his job is not the time anyone should start a new relationship. Whether it's just bad timing or he's saying whatever he needs to get laid doesn't matter. What matters is that he can't give you what you say you need.

Up to you to decide if what he can give you is enough or if you need something else and therefore should move on.

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Post #: 15

RE: curious - 4/26/2013 1:43:33 PM

lilcracker

Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

quote:

ORIGINAL: Duskypearls

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Regardless of anything else: He's obviously not in a place where he is capable of being in a relationship. There's not point in destroying yourself because of that.

The second piece of advice, going back to an ex is like taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on.

I nominate this for Sunny Quote of the Day! Brilliant, Oside!

I second that!

quote:

going back to an ex is like taking a shower and putting your dirty underwear back on.

Shared that shit on facebook LOL it made a bad day better thanks Oside!!!!!

(in reply to littleone14)

Post #: 16

RE: curious - 4/26/2013 4:18:01 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Take the words "play" "Dom" "safe word" out...and you have a common tale...experienced by many women BUT...you are 40 yrs old and, I hate to say it, should know the answers to these questions. Reading your posting, I expected you to be 18-19 yrs old. Moral of this story...yes, men-doms, subs, slaves, masters, teachers, bartenders, firemen-have and will lie to get sex. They will lie directly or indirectly about their desire for LTR (you talk..they don't say anything so you assume they agree), that they intend to call, that they are not married. Many DECENT men started out as young guys who lied to get into somebody's pants! It sucks, it is dishonest but you either accept the possibility of this happening or you don't have sex with them until you do....

(in reply to lilcracker)

Post #: 17

RE: curious - 4/26/2013 5:42:06 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

quote:

I have ask him and did not get a response.

I think you have your answer.

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simul justus et peccator
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(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 18

RE: curious - 4/27/2013 1:44:05 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
Sometimes people say things that they don't really mean in order to get something. For whatever reason, he said he wanted a more meaningful relationship with you, but when it came time to deliver he either couldn't or wouldn't. Some people are really good at providing just enough of what the other person wants (or promising it) to keep them coming back.

I agree with this! I would never have taken his excuses, and gone in a second time around, unless you have determined that you are okay with being his booty call.

Cut him loose, and go find someone who is more similar to you, and behaves that way. How he treats you, is always more important that what he says to you.
Good luck, M

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(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 19

RE: curious - 4/27/2013 7:21:09 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

nm. just realized I already responded above. haha

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Nothing has changed
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Post #: 20

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