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What to do with my fantasies that are running in my head - 1/22/2013 9:12:17 PM

jakejev

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I have an adorable female friend that I always fantazise about... she is a foot shorter than me (5'4) she's very attractive (picture an 8-9 out of 10) also cute, very goofy, bubbly and all around a fun person to hang out with... she is the type that is so friendly that everyone wants to be her friend... everyone wants to be nice to her, everyone surrounds her, and she knows how to handle it, but she is NOT an attention whore... she is the type that gives you enough attention and you want more, but then at a party or something she walks away a lot because other people want her attention too... she is the type that you get just the right amount of attention from, and when she is gone, you are always wondering where she is. or when you'll see her again. When someone starts dating her, people are going to want to know: who is she dating? who did she pick? she's sort of like a local celebrity... because her interpersonal communications skills are amazing.

On top of it all, she isnt even arrogant... she is so humble and modest, she doesnt like to talk about herself, only wants to learn about others (I think that adds to why everyone loves her too) because she makes everyone feel special or important. It's almost hard to catch her attention.. she lives in the moment, very sponteneous, but if you ever get the chance to sit her down and REALLY talk to her, you'll find that she is really intelligent as well!

Anyway, you can see why this type of girl is attractive, right?

Recently, we've become better friends... she is so fun to be around, but the problem is that she makes me feel less dom... she is the only girl that does this... she doesnt mean to, she is just so great, that it makes me feel less great... she is sort of something I fantaize about catching, and making as mine. But can I do that to a type like her without breaking her spirit?

Do you think she has an inclination for BDSM? Because she calls me "sir" sometimes, like when I am being cocky and dom-like, she goes with it and sort of sarcasically says things like "whatever you say sir" or "yes sir" and winks at me, which makes me feel alpha.

Okay this may sound weird, but her back has hurt lately, (I think she pulled a muscle or something) and the other day at her house she was telling me how her back was killing her, we were playing videos games together, then we later decided to have some drinks...she got up to get some glasses from a cabinet but couldn't reach, she could have if she tried but her back hurt... she was like "oww I cant do this...get these down for me" so I did... I jokingly said "what? are you going to need a wheelchair soon or something?" and she said back something like "it's only a matter of time... if my ass ends up in a wheelchair, you'll still hang out with me, right?"
(she said "its only a matter of time" because she is extremely clumsy and always getting hurt, which I find very adorable)

Now I dont want her ever in a wheelchair, plus she has an extrmely nice ass, but her little modest comments (that she says all the time) turn me on... I like the fact that she is somewhat in pain, or a little screwed up and needs assistance here and there... and that she knows it and is cool with it... she is someone that I want to dominate so badly... but I'm afraid I'll feel too bad doing it because she is genuine and doesnt "deserve" it... but at the same time I want to dom her cause it'll shock her a little. I've never felt this way before, does anyone else struggle with something like this?

I have all sorts of kinky fetishes... like cops and robbers... she is so innocent, so I don't picture her doing anything against the law, but I sometimes fantasize about someone framing her and her being confused and running from the cops, tripping and falling and being caught and interrogated, lightly tortured, etc. and eventually it is found out that she wasn't guilty all long, everyone feels bad and she is let go and happy to be free, but doesnt sue or anything cause she isnt mean, just wants to have fun all the time... what is wrong with me????

Does anyone ever feel similar to this? Is this fetish called something? I want to look more into it! Any ideas as to how?

< Message edited by jakejev -- 1/22/2013 9:23:55 PM >

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/22/2013 10:12:28 PM

theRose4U

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Its called horney ideas about a friend that is likely also domme. Question is how do you feel about that? Can you celebrate that as an integral part of her even if it means she may bottom for play but never totally submit

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/22/2013 10:17:45 PM

jakejev

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But she "plays" a sub so often, its ridiculous... like those few examples I gave...they are small stories, sure, but she plays around like that so often that all those small examples turn into one big picture in my head and causes me to fantasize... Obviously in everyday life she isnt totally a sub... she is driving me crazy because she is what I want to play with but I also feel like I cant have it....

We are such good friends, we joke around a lot about how if we don't find anyone by a certain age, we are going to marry each other... as the years go on and as we break up w ppl and remain single usually, I drop hints that I'm dom and always joke around like "your time is running out, pretty soon you'll be locked down, stuck with me in a 50's style household, just so you know, dinner needs to be perfect and ready by 5:15 when I get home."
She laughs and says "I'm down...that doesn't sound too bad, plus I'm a really good cook so you'll have no reason to be angry with me!"

Is she hinting back that she has inclination for BDSM or is she just playing?

< Message edited by jakejev -- 1/22/2013 11:07:06 PM >

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/22/2013 10:41:36 PM

littlewonder

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Nothing about what you said sounds "submissive" to me. It just sounds like she knows how to speak and be around people. She has manners and charisma.

You on the other hand....it's called horny boy syndrome. That's it, that's all. Don't read more into this little fantasy of yours than is really there. She calls you Sir as a joke. I do that with people too. Doesn't mean I want them to dom me. I joke around with friends like you mentioned, again, I don't want to screw them. It just means it's a joke.

Dude, your wank fodder is going to interfere with your friendship and then you can kiss your friendship goodbye because she'll find you off-putting from that point on.

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/22/2013 11:25:11 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Dude, your wank fodder is going to interfere with your friendship

I got the impression that simply writing this thread was wank fodder for him.

< Message edited by seekingreality -- 1/22/2013 11:31:03 PM >

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/22/2013 11:32:18 PM

jakejev

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Fuck yeah it was.

But in all seriousness: I am new to this.. I'm looking into BDSM cause I want to meet people I can share my fantasies with... but I KNOW that I'm not into the hardcore stuff (a lot of the stuff I see on this site) I am into very kinky stuff, some pain, some dom...hard to explain... I have a lot of limits, I want to join a community where I can eventually find someone like my friend, but with all the traits that will make her dateable... its just that when I look into the BDSM community, the stuff I see is too harsh... is there a middle ground somewhere, where I can find more info on my specific fetishes and scenerios that I want?

< Message edited by jakejev -- 1/22/2013 11:54:47 PM >

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/23/2013 12:20:07 AM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jakejev

Fuck yeah it was.

But in all seriousness: I am new to this.. I'm looking into BDSM cause I want to meet people I can share my fantasies with... but I KNOW that I'm not into the hardcore stuff (a lot of the stuff I see on this site) I am into very kinky stuff, some pain, some dom...hard to explain... I have a lot of limits, I want to join a community where I can eventually find someone like my friend, but with all the traits that will make her dateable... its just that when I look into the BDSM community, the stuff I see is too harsh... is there a middle ground somewhere, where I can find more info on my specific fetishes and scenerios that I want?

Personally, I've never had any interest in the "BDSM community." I find munches a bore, and have no particular interest in socializing with people based on a shared interested in kinky stuff. For socializing, I'd rather go to a book club.

But that's me. You can meet people online. Or go to events and munches. You're not going to find some super secret BDSM club where everything thinks like you and has the same interests as you. BDSM is a spectrum, and there are people all along it. Sure, there are some people into harsh things, but lots of people aren't. So don't get hung up on the idea that your kinks and interests are incredibly unique, because they probably aren't. Then it's just a matter of strapping yourself for the laborious and often-not-fun process of finding a compatible partner, just like people in the vanilla world do.

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/23/2013 3:46:36 AM

DarkSteven

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You've got a lot of things here. I'll try to separate them out.

1. You're friend zoned. I've never figured out how to shift those into romantic relationships. Good luck with that.
2. You've got to get past your block about "this is a bad thing to do to someone". If you find a sub, then it would be a bad thing to NOT do this to her! She NEEDS it.
3. I suspect your concepts of the BDSM community are gleaned from Wasteland and Kink.com clips. That's NOT the community! The audiences demand hard core stuff, and they have Tops with dozens of years experience. I'm not that atypical of local Doms - I am very into spanking, flogging, and nipple clamps, and can do bondage. Some flash cotton, a little ice and wax. No needles, no blood, no humiliation, no severe pain. That's it.
4. You sound like you're doing a clinical study of BDSM. Think of the next stage as the lab stage. Go out and meet people. You're in DC, which has a pretty good scene. You'll find out that the people are friendly.
5. Keep in mind that the Dom is in control. That means, among other things, that the stuff you don't wanna do - won't happen.
6. You wanna make a play for your friend? Go right ahead. Just move in and give her a kiss. When you do, either swat her rump - hard enough that she knows you like it but not a complete hard whack - or, even better, grasp a handful of her hair and gently but firmly pull on it while you kiss her. Do it calmly, with you in complete control of yourself. The most likely outcome is her keeping things on a just-friends basis but being curious to know how your kink world works. But there's also a chance... Henry James wrote a book called Daisy James about a very flirtatious girl who secretly longed for cropping sessions.

Good luck and go for it!

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/23/2013 9:45:19 AM

littlewonder

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You're in DC??? Get thee to the Crucible! Come on dude! DC is like kink capitol on the East coast!!

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/23/2013 10:55:03 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

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Washington DC Really?? Well shouldn't be surprised after the news stories I have seen. Really I would not have guessed though.

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/23/2013 11:15:53 AM

absolutchocolat

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Keep it light and friendly. Don't creep her out with your fantasies. Unless she makes a move -- meaning she discusses wanting to bang you, kisses you in a not-so-friendly way, fondles you, etc. -- assume she is just engaging in naughty banter.

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/23/2013 11:58:37 AM

amira70

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i have many fantasies too...have written them down as a story...where the main person goes through what i wish to go through....i envy her..LOL....Cause i will never experience it in real..Kinda have given up...

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RE: What to do with my fantasies that are running in my... - 1/23/2013 1:50:18 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jakejev

But she "plays" a sub so often, its ridiculous... like those few examples I gave...they are small stories, sure, but she plays around like that so often that all those small examples turn into one big picture in my head and causes me to fantasize... Obviously in everyday life she isnt totally a sub... she is driving me crazy because she is what I want to play with but I also feel like I cant have it....

We are such good friends, we joke around a lot about how if we don't find anyone by a certain age, we are going to marry each other... as the years go on and as we break up w ppl and remain single usually, I drop hints that I'm dom and always joke around like "your time is running out, pretty soon you'll be locked down, stuck with me in a 50's style household, just so you know, dinner needs to be perfect and ready by 5:15 when I get home."
She laughs and says "I'm down...that doesn't sound too bad, plus I'm a really good cook so you'll have no reason to be angry with me!"

Is she hinting back that she has inclination for BDSM or is she just playing?

No she's doing what's called a mind fuck!! I did this to a man last night, knew how to talk to him, batted eyelashes, little shy knowing smile...the tri-fecta! All because I recognized him as a guy I had seen on match & chatted with, got along amazing then got the blow off when sent cell pic (I don't photograph well).

So cocky lil bastard got to spend show last night wondering where we had met, how I knew what he did & trying to locate mutual friend know is out of country the next 2 weeks.
Moral of the story is he's spinning is wheels & dick over someone that will never happen. But it was REALLY REALLY good for me!!

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
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