RE: Too Kind? (Full Version)

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punisher440 -> RE: Too Kind? (1/28/2013 5:57:57 PM)

I'm not sure NBMG,but she might be refering to your 1st sig line.



wannapleez -> RE: Too Kind? (1/28/2013 6:15:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: punisher440

I'm not sure NBMG,but she might be refering to your 1st sig line.


That's what I was about to say. She said "Ms Bitch"; she didn't call you a bitch.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Too Kind? (1/28/2013 6:53:11 PM)

Okay, I can buy that.



ServiceBoy89 -> RE: Too Kind? (1/29/2013 5:00:10 PM)

I'am too kind lol.Honestly I'am extremely sensitive person.[;)] It is just part of me and I like it.NiceButMeanGirl you don't need to worry for this.



cloudboy -> RE: Too Kind? (2/2/2013 7:34:19 AM)


The ability to mix it up and have depth of personality and orientation is an asset in any relationship. This becomes even more valuable as a relationship advances.



theRose4U -> RE: Too Kind? (2/2/2013 8:02:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

Rose, you always know just what to say.[;)]

I wouldn't go THAT far, but my snark is usually loaded with wisdom beyond my years



Bondalee -> RE: Too Kind? (3/5/2013 6:57:50 PM)

If a Domme is looking for a relationship with her sub; rather than merely sessions, her power doesn't lie in the 'Bitch'. So, I agree. Be yourself and kindness can be just who you are or even used as a reward for services rendered. WHy do we all want one answer for every relationship. differences rule.'



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Too Kind? (3/5/2013 7:20:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

Rose, you always know just what to say.[;)]

I wouldn't go THAT far, but my snark is usually loaded with wisdom beyond my years


Mine's usually loaded with wisdom beyond my ears.



njlauren -> RE: Too Kind? (3/5/2013 8:36:21 PM)

The whole domme as cold hearted bitch is all over popular conventional wisdom, the man hating bitch with the lowly worm sub, the bitch who hates her subs and wants to make their life miserable, it is all over, porn is one part of it. I remember an old episode of LA Law with this sub/slave (?) who was charged with embezzlement, and he was this whiny, wimpy, pathetic specimen, and the domme was this cold, using bitch..you see it all over.

I read a lot of erotic fiction, some good, a lot of it bad, and I could never understand the appeal of the domme, especially a story where the wife is the domme, where it is just downright cruel and mean. The dommes I have known are firm and controlling, but at the very least, they care for their subs, or love them, and they put a lot of time and effort into being a caring domme, and their subs know it. They confuse control and guidance with being a nasty person. Personally, a domme that thought they needed to be cold and cruel to get my submission would get my rear end walking out the door...



Glittoris -> RE: Too Kind? (3/6/2013 12:13:18 AM)

Oh my, I was recently told [by my "in consideration" boy], that I was "too nice" to be a Domme, and he suggested I was, in fact, a Baby Girl. I responded by releasing him ;)

I don't see why a Dom/me needs to be aggressive and nasty to be dominant ~ personally I love my boys, treat them respect, but also keep them in line. What works for us obviously doesn't work for everyone else.

After all, we're not a one-size-fits-all world ;)



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Too Kind? (3/6/2013 9:45:58 AM)

I think one of the reasons men expect female dominants to be cold and nasty to them as a way of displaying 'dominance' is that men don't comprehend what dominance really is. In fact, most people don't. I've seen it all over the place on this website with the word 'alpha' being flung around like it's the next new thing.

Domination is simply leadership and a natural knack for influencing others to follow you. Because many men still see many women as the lesser sex, they assume, either knowingly or subconsciously, that in order for a female to not be a lesser anything she need to 'go against her nature' and be a cruel bitch in order to force the people around her to accept her as a dominant figure. You see this behavior in dogs all the time. A nervous dog will behave outrageously to force the other dogs in his pack to accept his authority on whatever tiny scrap of respect he's got within the unit. That doesn't make him a dominant dog. It makes him unstable. Just like a woman being cruel to people for no reason other than she's insecure = unstable.



mswinters -> RE: Too Kind? (3/8/2013 9:16:47 AM)

quote:

wear black leather corsets, 9 inch, thigh high heels, carry a whip all the time and constantly tell men what worthless, weak, pathetic worms we are?


LOL! I do get really angry and hurl insults at men when they are utterly disrespectful to me. But after they've corrected their mistakes, I tend to get a bit calmer towards the subs.

Referring to the original post. I'm a trans, and I find that I've become very assertive after I transitioned. I was always very nurturing - I would serve the guests, make sure they are comfortable, take care of the unwell... etc. But now I would do it in a rather dominant way. If you're sick, I will force you to take that medicine I give. If do not eat, I will make you eat your food when it is meal time. I don't take no for an answer.



Bondalee -> RE: Too Kind? (3/8/2013 10:43:03 AM)

Can we please let this go? yawnnnnnnn



mnottertail -> RE: Too Kind? (3/8/2013 10:46:45 AM)

That would be far too kind, so I am sorry, no.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Too Kind? (3/8/2013 10:57:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

I guess the generalizations and misconceptions just bother me but I shouldn't let them. I just don't understand why some people think Dommes can't be nurturing and kind, unless maybe it's the porn industry that portrays us as cold-hearted bitches. Also, there's a whole category of male Doms called "Daddies" that are expected to be nurturing, so it's obvious that Dominants can be.

So my question to the other Dommes is, have any of you ever been told you're too nurturing and kind to be a Domme? If so, what did you tell the person?


First, I don't think this misconception is only geared to domme's I have seen and heard very similar statements made toward male dominants.

Daddy doms hear it A LOT.

I don't think the adult industry is as fault, granted I am biased since I work in the adult industry. I simply think that to some people being dominant means being a self serving asshat that doesn't give a rats ass about anyone but themselves.

I tell them, that their view of the lifestyle of humans in general is skewed if they think everyone fits so neatly in single box. I remind them even a sadistic can be nurturing.





TheLilSquaw -> RE: Too Kind? (3/8/2013 11:04:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle


True. And how often do you see femdom porn in which the dom is asking the sub to do things, carrying on friendly conversation with him and laughing WITH him. Yet just about every time I've engaged in femdom in real life, all of those things are involved.



In all fairness.
In a porn or fetish video all you are seeing is what SELLS.
You are not paying to see the conversations, the set up, ect.
People want to see the action, the meat.

Even when I used to watch old porn movies, I would fast forward the talk and sappy crap and skip to the sex and foreplay. Lol

So comparing a real life interaction or relationship with what you see in a porn or fetish video is like comparing apples and kale IMO.




sexyred1 -> RE: Too Kind? (3/8/2013 11:07:57 AM)

Stereotypes go both ways. As a sub, I have heard from men and women, wow you don't seem submissive, because I don't fit their perception of a sub.

Stereotypes have their basis in the assumptions and fantasies of others and also, as has been said, the porn industry and just misconceptions about the whole world.

For me, you can never be too kind, on either side.




TheLilSquaw -> RE: Too Kind? (3/8/2013 11:08:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: stephINca

Ms Bitch,
Thank you for posting this thread I have been trying to figure out how to be the "perfect domme". Now I know to just go with the flow and see how it goes.


Oh wow. Are you calling me a bitch rather than my username? I'm the one who posted this thread, so you must be. If so, what did I say or do to bring that on? I most certainly did not say I was the "perfect domme." If you're talking about me when you say "Ms Bitch," I think you're telling more about yourself and your bad attitude than you are about me.

NBMG



NBMG,
I think she was referring to your tag line that says, "That's MS. Bitch to You."




ladyevermore -> RE: Too Kind? (3/31/2013 12:16:50 PM)

Good afternoon,
I believe that people can be anything, no matter what the title. A good example would be a friend of mine who is a very sadistic male Dominant who is into extreme edge play, He is also a feminist. Some people would say that it is impossible for someone to choke and burn a woman in a scene, and still march for womens basic civil rights. Attesting that something can be only one way, and therefor never be the other is foolish. It shows that the person saying it is one dimensional and finds far too much comfort in placing people in labeled boxes in their mind, rather than knowing them as the multifaceted beings they truly are. Nature itself lends credence to this with the platypus, a mammal that lays eggs, you my dear are simply a platypus and their is no shame in that.

Regards,
Lady Evermore



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Too Kind? (3/31/2013 4:27:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bondalee

Can we please let this go? yawnnnnnnn

Sure you can let it go. Just stop following the thread sweetie.

NBMG



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