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do i wait - 1/25/2013 4:10:12 AM   
jen00


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		I have recently started talking with a Dom we got on great and planed to meet. I think something has happened and i haven't heard from him in a week do i wait longer as i liked him or forget him?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 4:27:54 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		In my mind, wanting to be in a relationship and being in one are two different things.

Also, if he doesn't value your presence and companionship enough to want to contact you, fuggedaboutit.

Lastly, unfortunately, you might find quite a bit of this behavior online. People that want to engage in the fantasy but won't (or can't) step into real life.

Good luck in the future.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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(in reply to jen00)
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RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 4:38:17 AM   
jen00


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		Thankyou
i will wait a little longer as there may be a good reason unless i never hear from him which will just be very frustrating

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 4:51:26 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		jen, the "good reason" is likely that he got cold feet about actually meeting a real, live woman, or that his wife found out.

I used to have a rule - three contacts a week, by email, IM, phone, in person, text, etc. I've found that any less, and things kind of drift.

Give him one more week max, and then remove the "under consideration" from your profile. I wouldn't put that on for someone you haven't yet met anyway.

Oh, yeah. to the forums.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to jen00)
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RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 7:04:18 AM   
JRB123


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/23/2013
Status: offline 		Hi there - I've got a feeling this is common online too and agree with the above posts. I am new to this and had a similar thing too. Personally I feel that if they can't make the effort then I wouldn't chase it. It's hard being submissive as you want to please and give your all. However, there will be many more and other similar situations like this but don't lose all hope as there will be more suitable doms out there for you. Take those early days of getting to know each other lightly, then if and when it becomes real then you can take it more seriously.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 7:11:14 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jen00

I have recently started talking with a Dom we got on great and planed to meet. I think something has happened and i haven't heard from him in a week do i wait longer as i liked him or forget him?


A week isn't an long time to go without contact.
Especially for two people who aren't in a relationship.
Sometimes life simply happens and since you don't have an established relationship, realistically you may end up on the back burner.



That being said.

Many people get a thrill of setting up a meeting.
To them it is a rush.
Yet, they have no plans what so ever of actually meeting.
IMO that is their kink.

You aren't obligated to wait.
Only you can decide if you are willing to wait.







< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/25/2013 7:12:31 AM >

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(in reply to jen00)
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RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 8:08:56 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		This is someone you have never met.  I don't know how much time "recently" involves, but considering you never met in person, it is far too soon to be "under consideration,"  (which is a pretty bullshit thing in my opinion anyway).

When talking with someone on the internet, don't get too attached.  If there seems to be some chemistry, set up a face to face.  I see on your profile that it seems you have had "first dates" that never led to second dates.  That's how things work, kinky and vanilla.  If there is no *spark* people simply move on.  Sadly, many can't take the time to say, "sorry, I don't think we are compatible," but that's life.

Don't give yourself up to "under consideration" so easily.

And while you are "waiting" for this guy, start talking to others.  In other words, no don't wait.

(in reply to jen00)
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RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 9:04:51 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Wise words above me. Never get attached too quickly online. Take things with a grain of salt and toss in a bag full of common sense. Do not lock yourself into the "under consideration" trap before you meet. What if the perfect guy happened to see your profile, realised you were somewhat local and wanted to meet? He might see that under consideration line and dismiss the idea because you were involved, or silly.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 11:00:52 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I don't know how much time "recently" involves, but considering you never met in person, it is far too soon to be "under consideration,"  (which is a pretty bullshit thing in my opinion anyway).


Under consideration is a farce, even if you've met face to face. You've attached yourself to a complete stranger.

He's given absolutely no commitment what so ever, dropped off the face of the earth and you're asking if you should wait for someone you don't even know to show back up on your radar.

Use your head. Common sense doesn't go out the window when you become involved in BDSM D/s.


_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 11:58:45 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hey there!

I don't have much to add to the responses you've had so far, but here goes anyway!

First... The "under consideration" thing... This always bothers me, especially when 99 times out of a hundred the Dom doesn't put something similar on his profile. My advice is do an even trade next time. If he wants you to consider yourself "under consideration" then yôu should expect a similar gesture from him.

Now the lack of contact... Hmm. A day, two or maybe three can all be put down to being busy, caught up in things etc. I know I have phases where work and family commitments make if difficult, but I would usually let someone know in advance. If he didn't warn you tha something was coming up then... I suspect the he's just not that into you.

But, if you really feel a connection, then by all means give him a chance.. But if you do, I'd say you should step back one step at least and set aside the "under consideration" thing for now


_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to jen00)
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RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 1:50:05 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
But if you do, I'd say you should step back one step at least and set aside the "under consideration" thing for now


Yep. And if he comes back and questions that, you can say "I considered you gone."

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 2:20:56 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Don't get so attached so quickly that you even have to ask this question.

Shrug your shoulders and don't worry about it. If he shows back up soon then restart the conversation, see what happened and take it from there. If it smells stinky, then shrug your shoulders again and move on.

It's not like you're sitting around waiting for the phone call is it? Is it?? If it is then stop getting attached so quickly!!!!


ETA: Oh wait, you're under consideration??? And you've never met???


Yeah, you're waiting around by the phone.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 1/25/2013 2:22:38 PM >

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RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 3:21:05 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		It happens that people disappear. It's never fun, and it's hard to be left guessing as to someone's intentions and motives.

I personally think that if someone can't find a way to get in touch with you after 7 days, that is plenty of time to cross them off your consideration list. So in 7 entire days they didn't find 1 minute to shoot you a text, email, or call? Really? Do you find that plausible? Is that something you would do- or would you at least let the person know that you were having difficulties staying in touch. I think the latter.

Do you really want this guy back now that he's shown that you aren't worth even a minute of his time? Even though you liked him, do you want a selfish asshat for a partner? What will he do in the future? This is when he's supposedly on his best behavior, right now in the beginning. Either he's not that into you, was looking for a mental rush, or is married. I personally vote for married.

So you are young and female, you will find many other men to be interested in you. Stick around and wait as long as you think you need for closure, but think of if he came back, is this the guy that you should trust with getting kinky? For myself, I'd have serious doubt I wanted to be naked and tied up or spanked by someone who had so little regard for me that he went MIA.

(in reply to jen00)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 3:33:24 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		They have never met in person yet. Imo, this has little to do with little disregard for her and more to do with that it's just online and they have never met. Yeah, all the stuff you said could be true of him or it could be she has more emotions involved in online than he does and he's more realistic about online than she is. I mean, one week for someone you've never met and it's just online back and forth bantering really is nothing at all. It could just mean he figures he made plans to meet for a coffee or whatever and so the online chat stuff just isn't that important now since they've agreed to meet in person soon. It happens. Could be he's away on business and again, being it's only online, he felt no reason to tell her. Why should he?

But the whole online consideration thing makes me think it was just online play for him and nothing else...but like I said, one week is nothing.


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Everything has changed

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RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 3:49:28 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		You are of course entitled to your opinion! I personally think if I was interested in someone I wouldn't let them languish for an entire week wondering about what happened to me. My view is that it takes so little to pop in and say "hey, things are busy, hope you are well, we'll talk soon." Regardless of if they've met or who has more invested, if it was something I wanted, I'd make sure they knew it, or the danger would be that I'd lose the object of my interest; at that beginning stage unless she felt I was worth sticking around for then I'd miss out.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 4:40:12 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Sure, if you've met in person and you're attached to the person, but they haven't. Until then it's just a complete stranger. You don't really owe them anything at all.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 4:47:25 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Jen,

You haven't even met this guy yet and your profile already says you're "Under Consideration!?!?" Wow. You're going way too fast. The thing is, putting under consideration on your profile will virtually take you off the market while he takes his sweet-ass time looking for something better to come along.

As a Domme, if I were still looking and came across a great-looking profile of someone I thought I could really click with, no matter how interested I was I'd still avoid it if he said he was under consideration by someone else. I just won't step on anyone's toes that way.

That being said, since you haven't met in person yet, he probably doesn't think you guys are in a relationship, regardless of what you think or what your profile says. And, really, that's true. At this point it's mostly fantasy and, if other things came up in his life, he's probably just put you on hold for the time being. After all, you really are on hold with that on your profile, so he has no worries. How long do you plan on waiting??

NBMG

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RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 6:04:43 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Here is what I think:

If someone is into you, they stay in touch. That's it.

I don't care whether it is online, you met them in line at the grocery store, whatever.

People manage to do what they want to do, when they want to do it and make priorities for things that matter to them.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: do i wait - 1/25/2013 6:07:01 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If I were a Domme, which I'm not, but still, if I were a Domme and I saw on someone's profile that they are "under consideration" and if I find that it's only online and they have never met then personally, I would have no problem with "poaching" that person. I mean, imo, it isn't poaching or stealing or butting in or whatever. There's nothing there to butt in on. It's online and nothing more. To me the "under consideration" means nothing at all. Then again, I probably would not message someone with that in their profile simply because I would feel they live in a fantasy world all built up in their heads alone.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: do i wait - 1/26/2013 8:23:36 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jen00

I have recently started talking with a Dom we got on great and planed to meet. I think something has happened and i haven't heard from him in a week do i wait longer as i liked him or forget him?


If I plan on meeting someone, they will have my phone number as well as my full name. Giving them the ability, should they so desire, to contact me beyond the limitations of the internet. Ending the potential of her worrying that something may have happened to me or having to question me and my intent, or herself and her value to me.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to jen00)
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