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Nice Dom? - 1/28/2013 2:51:27 PM   
BioticSub


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/27/2013
Status: offline 		Okay so I'm pretty new to the BDSM community and from what I've seen theres no "universal" set of rules for it, it's mostly what rules the dom/sub agree to so I guess what I'm going to ask is more of a "how common is it?" question.

Is it common for a mistress to keep her power and control just in the bedroom? I'm looking for a woman who will do things to me and have me do things to her in the bedroom weither I like it or not, but when I'm not in the sheets I want to be seen as an equal and still respected and loved. As I said, I'm very very new to BDSM and do not intend to offend, just get information.

Thank you in advance from your friendly lesbian sub
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RE: Nice Dom? - 1/28/2013 3:17:24 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Bedroom submission is very common.

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RE: Nice Dom? - 1/28/2013 3:33:16 PM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BioticSub
... from what I've seen theres no "universal" set of rules for it, it's mostly what rules the dom/sub agree to ....


There are veterans to the lifestyle that don't know that, so consider yourself ahead of the curve.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BioticSub
Is it common for a mistress to keep her power and control just in the bedroom? I'm looking for a woman who will do things to me and have me do things to her in the bedroom weither I like it or not, but when I'm not in the sheets I want to be seen as an equal and still respected and loved. As I said, I'm very very new to BDSM and do not intend to offend, just get information.


OsideGirl has already stated that "bedroom submission is very common", but I want to point out what may be a false dichotomy in your question. You state that, when not in bed, you want to be "respected and loved". Is this an implication that you aren't respected and loved when in bed? If so, you either are making an over-generalization about BDSM ("no Dom/me respects and loves the sub while in bed") or you are seeking a relationship where the Domme does not show any respect/love in the bedroom.

If the former, then you have been misinformed about BDSM. If the latter, you may have a hard time finding a Domme who can turn it on/off like that.

(in reply to BioticSub)
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RE: Nice Dom? - 1/28/2013 3:43:27 PM   
BioticSub


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/27/2013
Status: offline
quote:


If the former, then you have been misinformed about BDSM. If the latter, you may have a hard time finding a Domme who can turn it on/off like that.


I think I've just been misinformed, thank you for letting me know

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RE: Nice Dom? - 1/28/2013 4:41:01 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Just for the record, unless I respect her and care for her, there ain't no way I'm fucking her like a whore.

OP, what you seek is more common than a 100% full on slave relationship. So you've got that going for you. That said, I'm not sure how many lesbian mistresses on CM are actually female. I'm a het guy, but I've had pretty good results on OK Cupid by answering a bunch of kink-related questions, and then talking with women who matched me in the high 90s. So that might be a good way to try to find a bedroom-only domme.

All that said, you may find that you would want to be a slave for the right woman. Suppose she loved and respected you, and also guided, nurtured and disciplined you. Just based on your OP, it sounds as though you might be open to that. So meet people in real life, be safe, have fun, and learn more about your sexuality.

My two cents.

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(in reply to BioticSub)
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RE: Nice Dom? - 1/28/2013 5:04:42 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Just for the record, unless I respect her and care for her, there ain't no way I'm fucking her like a whore.



This.

There's also no way in hell I'll beat her ass until it's pink, red, and purple. Or do anything else with her for that matter.

Submission, love, and respect are not mutually exclusive things. If I didn't love and respect my Kitty, he couldn't serve me as well as he does. And I wouldn't want his service if he were not the sort of person I could love and respect. For us, at least, love and respect are necessary to achieve the D/s dynamic, whether it's in the bedroom or out of it.

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(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Nice Dom? - 1/28/2013 5:40:36 PM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BioticSub


quote:


If the former, then you have been misinformed about BDSM. If the latter, you may have a hard time finding a Domme who can turn it on/off like that.


I think I've just been misinformed, thank you for letting me know


There are Dom/mes out there who fulfill the definition that you describe -- i.e. who don't respect and care for their subs in the bedroom. But by no means is that the case for all. In fact, I'd venture to say that it's not the case for most non-fin relationships. Often the sub is making a serious commitment to the Dom/me -- any Dom/me worth his/her salt will at least recognize that, even if s/he doesn't reciprocate.

(in reply to BioticSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
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