SWITCH OR SUB (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message

spankie133 -> SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 4:43:01 PM)

Dear Master I am very new in this lifestyle but I know it is for me but my question is how do a woman know if she is a sub or a switch? I love to submit but I do have a strong side as well-- from what I have read so far I will not be able to just touch my Dom when I want to-- and honestly that bugs me--- do some Doms allow their subs to touch them sexually? Like would I be allowed to wake in the middle of the night and take him?



OsideGirl -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 4:48:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankie133
do some Doms allow their subs to touch them sexually? Like would I be allowed to wake in the middle of the night and take him?


Of course, he allows me touch him sexually. And I have woken him up plenty of times, although I wouldn't say that I've "taken" him. It has nothing to do with being a switch. Even if I'm on top, he's still the person in control.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 4:51:48 PM)

submissive - is the submissive in the relationship
Switch - both dominant and submissive

And yes, there are some men and women who don't mine being woke up with sexual activities and there are others who will be pissed off because you woke them. Me personally you wake me up messing with me, you MIGHT get punched. Lol




dublinemma -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 4:51:48 PM)

What you and your dom do is whatever you decide. There isn't a set of rules that a dom must follow such as 'slave does not come for 2 million years'. The same as any other relationship if there is something you want or don't want you need to let your potential partner know this.

A switch, simply, is someone who likes to be in control sometimes and submit other times. If you feel you would like to do both I suppose you are a switch. I wouldn't get too caught up with labels and all so early though, just relax and enjoy it. Spend some time discovering what it is you like and don't like, read and learn, talk to people. If you don't have a clear idea of what you want then how can you communicate your desires to someone else and have them fulfilled :P



spankie133 -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 5:24:17 PM)

Thanks everyone-- I really appreciate everyone advice, this was VERY HELPFUL! I will continue to learn more! THANKS AGAIN!



DarkSteven -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 6:35:38 PM)

That's hard to answer. Basically, there's no magical point at which a sub suddenly becomes a switch.

You want a relationship. You want to be a submissive in it, bit still be able to do some stuff.

Go for it, and don't let the labels push you around.




spankie133 -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 7:05:36 PM)

@DarkSteven thanks so much! And so true lol and I won't thanks again



graceadieu -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 8:58:28 PM)

Being a switch means you like both submitting and dominating (or topping and bottoming). Does the idea of dominating someone, or tying them up or hurting them appeal to you? If it does, I'd say you're probably a switch. Otherwise, probably not.

You can also have a kind of part-time D/s relationship where you submit some of the time (in bed, for example), but at other times have equal power. And even if you do D/s 24/7, you can still negotiate what things are "must haves" as well as what things are limits.

So if you're talking to a guy you're interested in, just tell him up front that you need to be able to initiate sex and touch him freely if you guys are going to be together. I think most guys will be fine with that! And even if they're not (some Doms really don't like a sub to initiate sex) , well, better to find that out now, right?



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 10:33:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

That's hard to answer. Basically, there's no magical point at which a sub suddenly becomes a switch.

You want a relationship. You want to be a submissive in it, bit still be able to do some stuff.

Go for it, and don't let the labels push you around.



This. ^^^^ ALL of it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankie133
from what I have read so far I will not be able to just touch my Dom when I want to-- and honestly that bugs me--- do some Doms allow their subs to touch them sexually? Like would I be allowed to wake in the middle of the night and take him?

I don't know about any other Dom/mes but, yeah, mine is allowed to touch me sexually without being given permission first. The thing is, I get the last word on whether or not we're going to proceed. If I don't like it, I can always say no. I kind of like when he takes the initiative sometimes without me having to tell him. It's nice to feel desired.

NBMG



TAFKAA -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 10:46:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: spankie133

Dear Master I am very new in this lifestyle but I know it is for me but my question is how do a woman know if she is a sub or a switch? I love to submit but I do have a strong side as well-- from what I have read so far I will not be able to just touch my Dom when I want to-- and honestly that bugs me--- do some Doms allow their subs to touch them sexually? Like would I be allowed to wake in the middle of the night and take him?


Dear sub: Don't delude yourself. What women refer to as "a strong side" is usually a bunch of capricious nonsense attempting to masquerade as strength. Trust me, neither they, nor you, have a will comparable to that of a Dom.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/29/2013 10:57:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA


quote:

ORIGINAL: spankie133

Dear Master I am very new in this lifestyle but I know it is for me but my question is how do a woman know if she is a sub or a switch? I love to submit but I do have a strong side as well-- from what I have read so far I will not be able to just touch my Dom when I want to-- and honestly that bugs me--- do some Doms allow their subs to touch them sexually? Like would I be allowed to wake in the middle of the night and take him?


Dear sub: Don't delude yourself. What women refer to as "a strong side" is usually a bunch of capricious nonsense attempting to masquerade as strength. Trust me, neither they, nor you, have a will comparable to that of a Dom.

Don't listen to him spankie133. He likes to make it his business to put down women every chance he gets. Just check out his posting history.

NBMG



seekingreality -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/30/2013 12:51:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: spankie133

Dear Master I am very new in this lifestyle but I know it is for me but my question is how do a woman know if she is a sub or a switch? I love to submit but I do have a strong side as well-- from what I have read so far I will not be able to just touch my Dom when I want to-- and honestly that bugs me--- do some Doms allow their subs to touch them sexually? Like would I be allowed to wake in the middle of the night and take him?



Forget about the labels. The only rules are what you and the person you are with decide.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/30/2013 9:02:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

Dear sub: Don't delude yourself. What women refer to as "a strong side" is usually a bunch of capricious nonsense attempting to masquerade as strength. Trust me, neither they, nor you, have a will comparable to that of a Dom.


OP Tafkaa here is one of those that believes that all women are submissive and they either don't know it or are in denial about it. He doesn't believe that women can / are dominant.


I personally feel like my pinkie toe is more dominant than he is but eh.. that's because I think my pinkie toe shows more self control than he does.



evesgrden -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/30/2013 9:11:35 AM)

tsk tsk tafkaa

If you're going to stir it up, couldn't you at least make it thought provoking, rather than something which yields nothing more than (yet another) "am too/are not" spat?

ty



Dyfrynt -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/30/2013 11:17:47 AM)

Spankie, The question of strength of will in BDSM is often a point of misunderstanding. Doms are strong, subs are weak is a falsehood, plain and simple. That you have strong desires that you do not wish to deny does not necessarily make you a switch. Strong willed women make wonderful subs and slaves, in my opinion they make the best subs and slaves. But obviously that is just me.

What makes the difference here is not how strong your will, but how strong your desire is. Do you have a strong desire to dominate, even some of the time? Then you will likely be happy as a switch. If you have no desire to dominate, you are a sub, no matter your strength of will.

If the latter is true, then you must decide how much you care whether you have the right to jump your guy. There are Doms that would find that stimulating, and there are Doms that would find that totally inappropriate. If you must have that capability, you have to find the former kind of guy.

Since it is obviously important to you, this is one of the important topics of discussion to have with a potential Dom when the time comes for those discussions.



spankie133 -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/30/2013 4:15:32 PM)

@ Dyfrynt thank you so much for taking your time and answering my question--you really helped me--thanks again
@ evesgrden lol so true and thank you
@ TheLilSquaw lol too funny



DesFIP -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/30/2013 7:41:04 PM)

The Man loves it on the rare occasions I've woken him up in the middle and demanded sex. But it's rare as I'm more likely to bite your head off if you wake me.

As far as touching him, sexually and nonsexually, he thinks the more I do so the better.

There are no absolute rules about what all subs do. Or all doms for that matter.

As far as the idiot posters who announce all subs or doms have to do x y or z - I strongly suggest you check and see who actually is in a relationship and who isn't. Because someone who can't get a woman to commit to him should not set himself up as knowledgeable in how to conduct a lasting power relationship.



TAFKAA -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/30/2013 8:21:08 PM)

I am phenomenally amused.



absolutchocolat -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/30/2013 8:38:53 PM)

[8|] Oh TAFKAA. Let me leave that one alone, as tempting as the bait is.

I think us switches get the best of both worlds. Sometimes, my guy wants to take lead, and other times, I like to be the one in charge. Sometimes, we just bite and fuck the shit out of each other and no one is alpha. Labels are less important that you think, spankie. Just figure out what excites you and run with it. Sky is the limit :)



spankie133 -> RE: SWITCH OR SUB (1/31/2013 3:24:35 AM)

@ absolutchocolat thank you great idea -- most Doms that I spoke with are not in a relationship and they labeled me as a switch-- but I just decided to be me for now and have no labels thanks again



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125