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RE: New Owner - 2/7/2013 8:53:28 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
FYI the correct answer is "I was kinky before grey"
Or, thanks, but fiction isn't a good representation of kink.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New Owner - 2/7/2013 9:50:40 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Um. If she asks to go, then you let her. It's really not that hard.

You have a lot more confidence than I do at your ability to keep the craziness at bay. Then again, maybe I'm just old and conservative. I suppose though that if Newleather wants to dance the dance he at least knows what he's in for and it might be a fun ride for a while.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New Owner - 2/8/2013 9:02:12 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Um. If she asks to go, then you let her. It's really not that hard.

You have a lot more confidence than I do at your ability to keep the craziness at bay.


I'm with you.

The relationship will start by being held up to an impossible standard that was created in her fantasies and will end with the crap hitting the fan.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New Owner - 2/8/2013 9:56:05 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
The relationship will start by being held up to an impossible standard that was created in her fantasies and will end with the crap hitting the fan.

In the words of Peter Gabriel:

I saw the signs of my undoing.
They had been there from the start.


I suppose the OP could always go with something like:

Master: Do you consent to obeying?
Slave: You're doing it wrong.
Master: OK, then fucking obey me bitch and answer my god damned question before I kick your sorry slave ass to the curb.

That way we could get right on to the "you're not a true master" part and save a lot of heartache.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New Owner - 2/8/2013 8:01:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
Anybody who tells you that you're not real is not a good fit for you.

However, it could be that this is all just fantasy for her and she's suffering from frenzy. In which case you tell her to stop telling you what to do and listen to you instead. Make it clear that you decide when and what and how much. And that you're just as much in charge telling her she's to go to bed and get some rest while you make your own damned lunch.

That it isn't about the kinky shit but about everything else. About her not buying Brussel Sprouts ever again because you despise them and won't have them in the house. About always having carrots because they're your favorite vegetable.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New Owner - 2/8/2013 10:28:54 PM   
Just0Plain0Mike


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/16/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: Newleather

I for damm sure don't want some crazy person to start saying I kidnapped her and held her against her will.


Um. If she asks to go, then you let her. It's really not that hard.


Actually sometimes it's not always that easy. A few years ago a guy was put in jail because he did a scene with a girl who later cried rape. Even though he had e-mails outlining exactly what she wanted done, that she wanted consensual nonconsent, the judge rules them inadmissible and he went to prison.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New Owner - 2/9/2013 10:51:14 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Just0Plain0Mike


Actually sometimes it's not always that easy. A few years ago a guy was put in jail because he did a scene with a girl who later cried rape. Even though he had e-mails outlining exactly what she wanted done, that she wanted consensual nonconsent, the judge rules them inadmissible and he went to prison.


In the Alternative Lifestyles in the News section, there are two threads talking about a man in New York City who was arrested because he did exactly what she wanted and had the emails to prove it. He spent almost two years in jail and was finally released without ever going to trial because it became obvious that she was not a reliable complainant.

So, charges dropped, no conviction and life ruined anyway.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Just0Plain0Mike)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New Owner - 2/10/2013 1:02:46 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity
~FRing it~
My advice would be RUN in the opposite direction. When someone starts throwing around the "thats not how a real master operates" bullshit, its a pretty good indicator that NOTHING you do is ever going to be good enough.


I agree with this piece of advice.

The way I view things, personally it's based upon my own personal operation, choices and desires. There is no secret hidden manual with detailed guidelines for how a real master should operate or not. Instead, this is up to the individual to be in charge of how they operate as Master. Anything, short of this is being a follower of bad BDSM fantasy porn or stereotyping. This extends well outside BDSM porn or typical stereotyping. Anything short of being true to yourself will transform you into a fantasy fetish delivery device. :P

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New Owner - 2/10/2013 5:53:26 AM   
lilcracker


Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline
I'll put this out there first---I don't identify as a slave or submissive---nothing other than having a submissive personality. My partner does not identify as a Dom, Master or Owner, but has a Dominant personality. However, (as a mentioned in another thread), he leads the roost and I follow. I do whatever he asks, without an argument, but it must be a reasonable request. (meaning if his request will toss our lives into a downward spiral it's unreasonable). He has never asked anything unreasonable. MY definition of slave pretty much defines my role in the relationship although I choose not to use the title. The only difference I think is that I ALWAYS have the choice to refuse, subconciously I know this---I just choose not to refuse any reasonable request. I think my background in this lifestyle has assisted me in ways such as not arguing, keeping my voice lowered, not being disrespectful (although on occasion I do hear, "are you being disrespectful?") but no amount of 'training' can assist me in obeying. I obey simply because I truly care for this man and I want nothing more than to make him happy. In no way am I pushed towards obeying because there will be some sort of punishment. I do it because I want to. I can't say that I could have this relationship with another person because although I have been in relationships with a traditional collar, it seemed then I was going through the motions simply because it was expected and this is way different. I enjoy it because I make him happy, and sometimes when I do things he asks me to do for MY benefit---I usually admit, "I did not want to do that but you were right in asking me to do it."

Now here is the kicker---our life is very VANILLA. I think at the core most people have a lot more vanilla than they are willing to admit. We both work, we watch tv, we play chess (and I lose because I make a move assuming he will fall for my deliberate set up and he doesn't), we make meals together, we both do chores.. When I think of vanilla though I think of it in the context of sex. With us our sex life is vanilla as well.

This relationship is fairly new---we knew each other for a while prior to dating, but we have only lived together less than a year. So only time will tell but honestly, THIS is the type of life and THE type of partner I have always wanted.

So in answer to your post----I really don't think that anyone can be 'trained' to be a slave. I think it comes from in here (points to chest). The only training involved it what is expected. In my own relationship there was no formal training (and there was no consent asked or given), just over time he would say, "I like things done this way," and I do it. And sometimes it took getting used to...such as the way the laundry is washed---and I have been doing my own laundry since way before he was out of high school---because he is 9 yrs in my junior. As for legal ramifications I doubt here anyone with badges are going to be knocking on my door because he tells me how to make the bed and although it is not the way I am used to making it, I do it his way.

(in reply to Newleather)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New Owner - 2/14/2013 4:09:49 PM   
Jillianclare


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/16/2012
Status: offline
Well, I have been looking for a new Master and one of the Dom's I spoke to sent me a contract. Regarding how we would proceed and what was hard limits, workable and how it would terminate. It seem perfectly acceptable to me and he has been in the lifestyle for 10 years.

(in reply to Newleather)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: New Owner - 2/14/2013 4:38:14 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jillianclare

Well, I have been looking for a new Master and one of the Dom's I spoke to sent me a contract.

After you'd spent lots of time together in real life and established compatibility?

quote:

Regarding how we would proceed and what was hard limits, workable and how it would terminate. It seem perfectly acceptable to me and he has been in the lifestyle for 10 years.

And you verified this how?


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(in reply to Jillianclare)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: New Owner - 2/14/2013 4:40:36 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
I was wondering the same things....

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: New Owner - 2/15/2013 5:38:40 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline
quote:

So in answer to your post----I really don't think that anyone can be 'trained' to be a slave. I think it comes from in here (points to chest). The only training involved it what is expected. In my own relationship there was no formal training (and there was no consent asked or given), just over time he would say, "I like things done this way," and I do it. And sometimes it took getting used to...such as the way the laundry is washed---and I have been doing my own laundry since way before he was out of high school---because he is 9 yrs in my junior. As for legal ramifications I doubt here anyone with badges are going to be knocking on my door because he tells me how to make the bed and although it is not the way I am used to making it, I do it his way


I am going to have to disagree with the beginning of this paragraph. "You can't train someone to be a slave" Everything in this paragraph represents "training" to me. But I do agree one has to want to actually do it and it does come from within. I believe even a strong dominant personality can be "trained" to be a slave, but it requires that strong dominant personality really having a great desire to go there.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 2/15/2013 5:39:48 AM >


_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: New Owner - 2/15/2013 5:51:28 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
I have to agree with chatter, you can 'train' anyone to be a slave, if that person is motivated to be one.

The thing is, leadership types don't have the motivation, unless they do it specifically to learn what it's like to be a slave (or a submissive, take you pick on the terminology.)

For the OP:

I would avoid anyone who wants a real true anything, anyone who thinks they can be a slave straight outta the box, anyone wanting to establish a power dynamic before you've met and begun a relationship.

Why? All those things come from a fantasy place. Relationships take real life skills.

_____________________________



(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: New Owner - 2/15/2013 6:04:15 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Master: Do you consent to obeying?
Slave: You're doing it wrong.
Master: OK, then fucking obey me bitch and answer my god damned question before I kick your sorry slave ass to the curb.


That's pretty hot!

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: New Owner - 2/15/2013 7:17:26 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline
I think you CAN train someone to be a slave, but they have to honestly and genuinely want it and be willing to follow along with what you're trying to set up. After all it won't do any good if you're putting all the structures in place and they just shine it on and scoff.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: New Owner - 2/15/2013 4:23:15 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Newleather

I have had experience as a Dom for several years and in several relationships. I have found a woman that wants to be a "real" slave.
We have talked only and she claims to want a real master. One that will break her from the Vanilla world and totally dominate her.
From what she told me, nothing is off limits, but to be honest going from a Dom/s relationship to a Master/slave relationship is a little different.
I am saying that she has to give me some type of consent for her training to begin, she keeps telling me that's not the way a "real " Master operates.

I am only concerned about any legal ramifications if this person turns out to be a fake.

Ahhhh, don't sweat the vernacular.
Treat her like the slut she is and you'll do fine.
Be who you are, rule her the way you wanna.
I mean shit, ain't that the point?
You command. She does.
And if she don't, well, you ain't got no command.
Cripes-something like 3/4 of the slaves I've owned were gals who, going in, swore they'd never be slaves. Hated the very idea. Then, a few days, weeks, months, years down the line, the came to me and asked to serve as slaves, because they couldn't imagine being in any other sort of relationship with me. They wanted to give more, all.
Any questions?

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Newleather)
Profile   Post #: 37
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