Need help on best way to approach this task (Full Version)

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anon99 -> Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 12:17:02 PM)

first i would like to thank You all in advance for answering this question.

let me start by saying i am a bit bi curious although have always been heterosexual. Master feels that as a well rounded slave i should be trained to also learn how to please a woman. my issue is that i have no idea how to go about finding a Domme who would be interested. at one point i made up a profile specifically for that purpose but would get no answers back.

so my question is, what is the best way to approach a Domme for this type of task in the hopes of a more favorable outcome?

thanks again



poise -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 12:27:51 PM)

Since your task seems to be sexual in nature, why is it so important that the female be a Domme?
Surely, most females would have no trouble letting you know what is pleasing to them.



LafayetteLady -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 12:37:20 PM)

Sorry, but based on the wording on your profile, it would seem that this belongs in the Gorean section. Learning how to please a woman has nothing to do with being a "more well rounded slave." There are plenty of well rounded slaves who have no desire to please a woman and their masters don't feel they need to learn it to make them better slaves.

But hey, if you are interested, have at it. Like poise said, it doesn't need to be a domme. If your master is so interested, he can contact one of his master friends and see if one would let his slave and you get to it.



anon99 -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 12:37:45 PM)

Master wants it to be more than just sexual. He would like me to submit to Her and for Her take total lead.



Nelee -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 12:44:27 PM)

Well, first off, you're a straight female who also has a Dom already and you're looking for a Domme solely for the purpose of exploring your sexuality, I would make sure she knew straight up. Don't play any games with it.

With that out of the way, I have a few questions:

How open to involving yourself with another woman are you? If you're only doing it because it's an order, I would do a little soul searching and make sure you can actually see yourself in the situation first (but if you went ahead and let the lucky lady know of your true intentions ahead of time and she agreed with those limitations in mind, she should be able to understand).

Is it a purely physical thing you're looking for? Or are you hoping to be dommed by both your Dom right now, and another Domme?

Will this be a fling, or a series of "practice sessions"?

Really, if you don't have any interest in women and you're only doing it because your Dom suggested it, I wouldn't go along with it. Trying to force yourself to be sexual with women without having an attraction to them will make the entire experience uncomfortable for all parties involved.

But, if you do have the slightest hint of "bi" within you, I would first try at looking towards your local munches and see if there is a bisexual (or lesbian, if she's up for it) Domme there who would willing to go along with the entire idea.

Honestly (from my point of view), if I were asked to do something like this, I would refuse. Not only because of the idea of being used for a little experiment, but also because of the fact that you don't even know if you like women. It sounds like you're just going along with it because your Dom suggested it, and that's not something I would care to get involved with. Though I'm not your target audience, so you'll have to get an actual Domme's opinion on that.



MistressSnow -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 12:48:27 PM)

From a Domme perspective (mine)- I will say, I would feel like I am serving you and your Master. I cannot, and do not, speak for every fem-domme in the world, but that is my take.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 1:06:24 PM)

Fast Reply

First off, female dominants are a relatively rare breed, especially online. In comparison there are a lot of subs looking for them, so competition is very stiff. The odds are already stacked against you just on pure numbers.

Then added into that, you and your partner are essentially looking for someone to fulfill his fantasy. As MistressSnow said, many people will see that as her serving the two of you, and that's not appealing to a dominant. In addition a lot of people are not looking for a casual/kinky-sex only arrangement. And even fewer will want to get involved with a couple because that brings the additional complications of having to like both of you, get on with both of you, understand extra sets of boundaries - it's a lot more complicated when there's three people involved.

And lastly, and this would be huge for me, you don't sound overly excited by the idea. I would not want to sleep with a woman who was not sexually attracted to me. I'm not interested in you going through the motions to please a partner - that would make me feel awkward, undesirable and frankly like a blow-up doll just there to fill in a role.

I don't tell you all these things to be mean, but rather to show what a difficult thing it is you are searching for. Are there dommes out there who might like what you are offering? Of course. But whether those dommes would be local, attracted to you, available at the time, meet your other criteria.... who knows.

So you need to bring your A-game. Update your profile if you are contacting people here - I wouldn't respond to your profile even if I wanted this arrangement because it is out of date. Make it clear what you are looking for and what you are offering. I'd be tempted to make it a couple's profile - even if he doesn't intend to have any direct sexual contact, it is clear he is calling the shots so best to be up front from day one. Don't just make it about what you are looking for, show why you deserve her attention over and above all the other people interested. And be prepared to wait.

Alternatively, get out in the community, let people get to know you both. When people get to like you as friends, and to know by reputation what decent people and what safe players you are, you will find people want to play with you. Let it be known that you'd be interested in sessioning with a female dominant and once you get to know people, ask them if they'd be interested in topping you at the next event. There won't be sex of course, though who knows, it could build into that over time.

Alternatively, pay for a pro-domme session and have him come along and negotiate what he wants to be included. Again, you won't be licking pussy, but if that's what he means by 'learning to please a woman' I have good news - anyone can do it.

I'm not sure what a well-rounded slave or submissive is, since the only important thing is that you meet his needs and follow his orders. If you were to get a new Master/dom you'd have to learn his/her new expectations regardless of how many people you have served with before. So it sounds to me like this is a fantasy, rather than some kind of personal development training. Which is fine, but best to be realistic from the start.



LadyPact -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 2:28:02 PM)

I'm going to put together a few pieces from the others, add a couple of My own, and come up with a final product.

This shouldn't have to be said but I'm going to anyway. I am a straight woman. If I got approached with this concept of "Master want his girl to learn to please a woman," I'd be offended. If you are discussing a sexual encounter, please respect the sexuality of others. I would suggest that it best to define your search to those females who are gay, bi, bi-curious, or hetero-flexible.

Next, keep in mind how you, as a female feel, when people approach you with what is basically the 'wanna fuck' proposal. Most people at least want to like the person they are going to be intimate with. You may want to skip approaching those who do not engage in causal sex or those who list their preference for monogamy. You're going to save your time and theirs.

With this in mind, I'm going to echo nelee's comment. Meet people in real life through your community. To Me, this is simple logic. Compare how often you've hooked up sexually on the net that made it to getting to real life and how many you have in real life that flowed naturally. People who are meeting you in real life know that you are serious about making this happen. On the net, it's hit or miss.

As a casual player for S/m (not physical sex) I get asked to do this kind of thing often. I still pretty much do it on My terms after knowing the boundaries of the couple involved. Once I know the ground rules, it's pretty much My show with the person's owner retaining the ability. However, I expect *both* parties to be involved in negotiations, communication, and discussion of hard limits. If I don't have that, I'm not interested.

I avoid like the plague any situation that comes across as a male D who wants to attempt to turn the tables. I don't agree to any kind of private play until there has been some public play at the local dungeon first. Remember, the Dommes that you are hoping to find this situation with still realize that there are two of you and one of her. That means she has safety concerns if she is dealing with people she doesn't know. You may have to work even harder to gain trust.



peppermint -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 2:32:08 PM)

I have to ask.  Is your Master well rounded?



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 2:33:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSnow

From a Domme perspective (mine)- I will say, I would feel like I am serving you and your Master. I cannot, and do not, speak for every fem-domme in the world, but that is my take.

I totally agree with you. From previous answers, I can see that the OP's Master wants her to submit to the Domme. But I know that, I for one, would not want to be that Domme.

If I was only a stand-in pussy more or less because her Master wanted her to be with a woman, I would feel like I was serving him, and that is SO not going to happen. I can't speak for other Dommes, but I'd be willing to bet it will be difficult to find one who will do that.

NBMG

ETA: I was thinking a Pro-Domme session maybe, but you wouldn't be eating pussy then. How about hiring a, er, "working girl" if you get the drift, for an hour or so?? Of course, you'd need to make sure she was "clean."

NBMG



mnottertail -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 2:36:05 PM)

Meh, hire an escort like lady.  Or start working the bars.........



kalikshama -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 3:07:09 PM)

quote:

And lastly, and this would be huge for me, you don't sound overly excited by the idea. I would not want to sleep with a woman who was not sexually attracted to me. I'm not interested in you going through the motions to please a partner - that would make me feel awkward, undesirable and frankly like a blow-up doll just there to fill in a role.


I did this once before I realized that she was just going along with it for him - it was horrible.

Although I've identified as bi since I was a teenager and have been in long term relationships with women, R forcing me to be intimate with strange women was a major factor in ending our D/s relationship.



kalikshama -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 3:09:51 PM)

quote:

ETA: I was thinking a Pro-Domme session maybe, but you wouldn't be eating pussy then.


Ya, R took me to a Pro-Domme, who took the "total lead," but that did not include me eating her pussy.



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 3:19:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: anon99

first i would like to thank You all in advance for answering this question.

let me start by saying i am a bit bi curious although have always been heterosexual. Master feels that as a well rounded slave i should be trained to also learn how to please a woman. my issue is that i have no idea how to go about finding a Domme who would be interested. at one point i made up a profile specifically for that purpose but would get no answers back.

so my question is, what is the best way to approach a Domme for this type of task in the hopes of a more favorable outcome?

thanks again



As a woman, I would think you would know far better than I do that there is no universal ""how best to please a woman."

Since dominant women are just like submissive women, and in fact, just like dominant and submissive men, in that they are all unique individuals, I'd say that there is no universal "best way to approach a domme."

Since this is apparently his idea and his desire, I would suggest that finding a the domme he wants is his job, not yours.

Since you live just outside of NYC, I'd say the best place to look for such a woman would be in the local, real life, pansexual BDSM community. It's the oldest and likely the largest in the entire USA.



LafayetteLady -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 4:58:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

Well, first off, you're a straight female who also has a Dom already and you're looking for a Domme solely for the purpose of exploring your sexuality, I would make sure she knew straight up. Don't play any games with it.

With that out of the way, I have a few questions:

How open to involving yourself with another woman are you? If you're only doing it because it's an order, I would do a little soul searching and make sure you can actually see yourself in the situation first (but if you went ahead and let the lucky lady know of your true intentions ahead of time and she agreed with those limitations in mind, she should be able to understand).

Is it a purely physical thing you're looking for? Or are you hoping to be dommed by both your Dom right now, and another Domme?

Will this be a fling, or a series of "practice sessions"?

Really, if you don't have any interest in women and you're only doing it because your Dom suggested it, I wouldn't go along with it. Trying to force yourself to be sexual with women without having an attraction to them will make the entire experience uncomfortable for all parties involved.

But, if you do have the slightest hint of "bi" within you, I would first try at looking towards your local munches and see if there is a bisexual (or lesbian, if she's up for it) Domme there who would willing to go along with the entire idea.

Honestly (from my point of view), if I were asked to do something like this, I would refuse. Not only because of the idea of being used for a little experiment, but also because of the fact that you don't even know if you like women. It sounds like you're just going along with it because your Dom suggested it, and that's not something I would care to get involved with. Though I'm not your target audience, so you'll have to get an actual Domme's opinion on that.


I really have to agree with this. I could be wrong, but having been around here for so many years, I have seen so many women who are suddenly "bi-curious" because they have masters that have pressured, manipulated, told them that, as this one says, will make them more "well rounded."

Her use of the "this girl" stuff at the beginning of her profile screams Gor to me, and the way she wrote the OP just seems like she is only bi-curious because of HIS fantasies. So bad idea right from the start.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 5:20:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Her use of the "this girl" stuff at the beginning of her profile screams Gor to me, and the way she wrote the OP just seems like she is only bi-curious because of HIS fantasies. So bad idea right from the start.


Totally agree.

NBMG



anon99 -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 5:42:43 PM)

i just want to thank you all for your input it has been very helpful and has made me see a different angle to this that i don't think Master or i had considered at all and explains much. although, i must admit that i am not at all familiar with Gor. the third person and therefore the phrasing "this girl" is something that was instilled in me in my first training and i have not completely broken out of.



DarkSteven -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 6:41:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: anon99

Master wants it to be more than just sexual. He would like me to submit to Her and for Her take total lead.


This isn't my place to say this, but

No.

He is proposing a huge change in the relationship, and there's an excellent chance that either:

1. There will be natural tension between the two of them over who's the boss of you, or
2. Any prospective Dommes will run for the hills because they see the upcoming train wreck.

Instead of you solo fishing for a Domme, I'd suggest the two of you get around and about. Attend local functions. If you encounter a Domme that the two of you both like, invite her over for dinner. Or have him invite her to top you at a party. Ease into things, and keep in touch all three of you, throughout.

No way should this be done without him guiding it, nor should it be done quickly.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 6:58:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
No way should this be done without him guiding it, nor should it be done quickly.

Which goes right back again to the Domme feeling like she's serving the Dom, which most would most likely not want to do.

NBMG



theRose4U -> RE: Need help on best way to approach this task (2/7/2013 7:36:21 PM)

Even after reading the entire thread I can't get past feeling like this guy is:
1) Looking to add a 3rd without prior negotiation
2)Isn't respecting current relationship
3)Isn't respecting limits
4)Is trying for the "dommes are really just bossy subs waiting for a REAL man"
5)Doesn't really care about the outcome

Craigslist is FULL of women willing to play. Most that would be interested in "teaching you" wouldn't want him anywhere around (very likely the catch he's trying to hide). This is a strong arm for a 3 some where he can get off on "bossing a domme". As a dominant switch I would still tell this guy he's nuts.

I would STRONGLY recommend you get out to your local kink community & see other relationships up close. See how many well adjusted relationships there are & how many of them conduct themselves. This whole scenario has ethically questionable all over it for me. & if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck...



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