RE: Return funds (Full Version)

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badpaliden -> RE: Return funds (6/20/2006 2:48:07 PM)

Well I think  one of the aspects  that Calandra was mentioning was the idea that it could be a common goal to be obtained  as  the folks involved got to know each other.




lisa1978 -> RE: Return funds (6/20/2006 2:56:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: badpaliden

Well I think  one of the aspects  that Calandra was mentioning was the idea that it could be a common goal to be obtained  as  the folks involved got to know each other.


A very good goal to work for indeed and something a domiant should look over in the relationship.

But the fact is if you are talking about relocating of any distance, when the heart is in play from both sides, I just do not see either party delaying it while the submissive tries to save up a few thousand dollars or so. I think it is smart to do and would not argue that point at all, I just do not see many people doing such a thing if they have gotten to that point in the relationship. My perspecitve is just trying to take the theory and project it to real life.

Noble idea but the the ones who need to do it most are probably the least likely to do it and that is from both sides of the equation.




juliaoceania -> RE: Return funds (6/20/2006 3:13:45 PM)

simply Calandra it makes sense, just not my reality. But I understand yours better now..smiles




twicehappy -> RE: Return funds (6/20/2006 5:46:20 PM)

.
Hello Bp, great question. I for one would never travel anywhere without a safety net. The prospective sub/slave should have and if asked be able to prove the ability to get home and have a place to go.

If they work outside the home while i agree the majority of their earnings should go towards upkeep and living expenses a sum should be set aside for them that they cannot touch just in case.

I realize not everyone can produce a huge sum just prior to traveling to relocate but anybody should be able to put away at least bus or airfare.

Scooter and Jewel have kept subbies on in the house until they had a job or a way to travel but i can see where if the relationship went really bad this could be an issue





MochaMistress -> RE: Return funds (6/20/2006 7:22:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

.
Hello Bp, great question. I for one would never travel anywhere without a safety net. The prospective sub/slave should have and if asked be able to prove the ability to get home and have a place to go.

If they work outside the home while i agree the majority of their earnings should go towards upkeep and living expenses a sum should be set aside for them that they cannot touch just in case.

I realize not everyone can produce a huge sum just prior to traveling to relocate but anybody should be able to put away at least bus or airfare.

Scooter and Jewel have kept subbies on in the house until they had a job or a way to travel but i can see where if the relationship went really bad this could be an issue




I agree. Safety net should be in place. And I also agree that a portion of income should be set aside for just in case money or roll it into an IRA once you know this is real and not just someone trying to play in the fantasy world.




Sumimara -> RE: Return funds (6/20/2006 7:58:23 PM)

In the past I have provided the safety net because of *my* particular requirements, I think of it along the same lines as health insurance, a responsibility that comes with the territory.   I cannot see the parity in having someone pick up their life to be by my side and then expecting that they will bear the brunt of getting their life back in order if things do not work out.     
 
I think that it is something that as others have posted needs to be discussed in advance, and it should be done before you move someone across the country and into your home.   We all get blinded by the romance and excitement of the moment... but in the end until you have lived with someone, you really have no idea how compatible you are going to be.   
 
As a side note: Calandra, I really enjoyed your post, and you made a wonderful case for the safety net, I do not agree but it was a great post. 
 
Sumi




badpaliden -> RE: Return funds (6/20/2006 8:07:32 PM)

about the living with someone and not knowing ... AMEN .. I call that  the toothpaste  factor.  its all sweetness and light , and fluffy feelings , till you wake up in the AM and  the toothpaste is all squished the wrong way.. and you have t put up with a grup ass till their coffee ...etc.




CreativeDominant -> RE: Return funds (6/21/2006 6:05:22 PM)

I think you have an excellent post here, bp.[sm=applause.gif]

CAVEAT:  I am not calling anyone a golddigger, financial sharpie, thief, etc.  I am entering into discussion, that's all.

I have to admit that, having lived very frugally for the last several years due to divorce and all the financial lines that lead out from it, I know that once I begin to see daylight, I won't want to watch it all disappear.  Therefore, yes, I would expect any submissive that came here to at least be in possession of a return ticket home and enough funds to sustain themselves for a month after getting home.  I also feel that if this person and I have decided that it is time for us to try a time together and that, because of my practice, it is easier for her to move to be with me than the other way around, I have certain obligations to her that involve something more substantive than telling her ... in my oh so quiver-inspiring voice... to get me a cup of coffee.  These include the idea of footing the expenses of my place...the utilities, the rent, all the stuff that I would have whether she was here or not.  Asking her to pay for this initially (and the length of time that "initially" encompasses varies for everyone.  Like Calandra, I like the three month trial first) doesn't fit...for me.  Yes, phone calls she makes, a certain portion of the groceries, her car expenses, etc... those are hers.

I would also insist that she plan on working...and either have a job set up before she got here or be looking within the first week.  I work...always have...and have always had partners who worked.  I happen to think that it is a good thing for a submissive who is with me to be willing to do so.  Yeah, maybe this is where my suspicious nature might be tweaked a bit... a submissive who was working before she met me but now that she's here, cannot?




LadiesBladewing -> RE: Return funds (6/21/2006 6:45:40 PM)

We have that as a requirement. We feel that it is imperative that a servant have a place to go and a secure source of income in the event that either s/he or we decide that s/he's not a good fit for our household.

It is a horrible place to be in as a matriarch of a household to bring someone in who is not a good fit, and have to keep them around because they have no place else to go and no means of sustaining themselves. At the same time, we feel that it is also traumatic for a prospective servant to be trapped someplace that he or she is not happy, because s/he's invested everything in a relocation, has no means of support, and has no way to survive outside of the situation s/he is now trapped in.

ZWD




Calandra -> RE: Return funds (6/21/2006 7:17:43 PM)

Your comment about having return trip and one month's expenses is exactly why I arrived at $2000
 
I dunno about other places around the US, but here in Athens Ga. it would require almost that much to find a home/apartment, lay down deposits for utilities, and lay in groceries for a month, plus simple gas and getting around money.
 
$2000 might sound like a fortune for some people, but if they really think about it, it is a reasonable amount if the person has NO WHERE else to go.
 
I mentioned in an earlier post that if the person has family or friends I would consider much less so long as they had money for return trip and survival money until they got on their feet.
 
I don't want anyone to stay with me for any reason but that they WANT to be here. I assume that if someone has a way out, and DOES want to be with me, they will be a bit more careful to show they want to stay by obeying house rules etc...
It has been my experience that someone who realizes that you won't kick them out because they have no where else to go, often acts any way they please, making for a very difficult household environment.




LadiesBladewing -> RE: Return funds (6/21/2006 7:32:07 PM)

To expand on this a bit, we have a preference that a completely new prospective servant (especially one with very little lifestyle experience) who wishes to relocate to our area start by obtaining an apartment (preferably in our area of town -- we have a good arrangement with the company that manages the property we're living in now, and has several buildings with -very- reasonable, inexpensive apartments within 5 blocks of our complex) and at least a part-time job (enough to be able to pay for food, groceries, and any bills they have like charge cards, etc.) for the first 3 months.

We also expect that our servants will work outside of their service to the enclave (especially now that we are in a very small place and both working full-time as well as going to school, and so have little to keep a servant occupied for hours on end every day). We find that this enables daily contact for observation in the beginning, and helps to keep a reasonable pace in getting established, while providing a "haven" and some security for the prospect until we determine whether or not he or she will fit more closely as family. It also helps to weed out those who are truly interested in developing a relationship from those who are strictly searching for someone to pay their bills and give them a place to live, rent-free (unfortunately, we had 3 of those, when we were first starting out in the process of "vetting" new servants without LEB's input, which actually ended up costing in the 6-figures to terminate their participation in our household).

Does anyone else have these kinds of requirements as well?

ZWD




KnightofMists -> RE: Return funds (6/21/2006 7:49:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978

Having money set aside that the other person cannot touch is just very smart and basic common sense and it is certainly something I have and will do. For a dominant to insist on it before the submisssive moves in with them sounds great in theory.

Now tell me how practical it is? To grow attached to someone and care about them to where you want to live in the same house but then going, sorry but I need to see $2,000 before we go any farther. Something tells me theory sounds better than practice.



I agree.

Great Theory... But somehow I don't think many put it in practice.  As it turns out... my kyra will be very much in a position to bail if she wants to.  However,  the money isn't really there because of this Theory.  It's there for practical reasons.  She requires to have 10000 canadian funds for her immigration application.  Of course, it's not going to be cheap to move from Florida to Alberta.  but, with whatever is left over.... I thinking of going to Los Vegas by myself and playing alittle black jack *g*  Get rid of the funds so she can't escape *EG*




domtimothy46176 -> RE: Return funds (6/21/2006 10:45:55 PM)

Based on how many unhappy souls post to these boards, it's seems obvious that foresight and practicality are in short supply.  For myself, I tend to look askance at a prospective servitor who is willing to leave a live behind and move to be with me.  Even giving the benefit of the doubt, i.e. no close family, etc, I would expect the prospect to be willing and able to find accomodations close by and be self-supporting while we determined the viability of a permanent arrangement.  This rises from my personal coviction that one must possess the ability to care for one's own basic needs in order to have the necessary insight required to serve another with competence.
Timothy




Kedikat -> RE: Return funds (6/22/2006 2:29:21 AM)

It has merit.
I would take it on a case by case instance. It being stated up front if I felt it might be needed. Though I search for a different sort of arrangement than the one in the OP, it would be a consideration in any instance of one moving to where I am.

But I think it is almost 99.9% My responsibility if I request/agree the sub move to Me, that I am prepared to take reasonable care for her return to single life, if it does not workout. Excepting if she is a total freak, writeoff. But then, I was the fooled, fool, so maybe I should still pay a consequence.




sweetnessforsir -> RE: Return funds (6/22/2006 8:05:15 AM)

This is a great thread.

I like this thread because it does present different scenarios for a long distance move.  Whether it is across the state, the US border, the "pond."  It also presents different expectations for 24/7.  It keeps coming back to communication and a good fit.

Calandra, I guess I just never pictured myself not being a contributing member of a household.  So, it wasn't in my discussions . . . it wasn't even in my mind that this would be an option.  Whether the contribution would be in a domestic role or working outside of the home.  I see it as doing what needs to be done. 

Also, I certainly believe home is a place where a D/M should feel at peace.  As should all family members.  That must have been a terribly long three months. Thank you for helping me see that side of it. 

s.




genvieve -> RE: Return funds (6/23/2006 2:05:53 PM)

Hmmm, i'll be interested to read responses on this topic.




MistressSassy66 -> RE: Return funds (6/23/2006 2:11:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Personally I think its a great idea, that way if it doesn't work out the person has some money to get home on. I think people who move without meeting prior particulary need to have some money banked away just in case. Let's face no matter how much you talk to someone on the phone or online you don't REALLY know them until you've been around each other IRL. It pays to take precautions.

~Lashra



Not that I accept submissives from "away" if I did this would be an excellent idea.




GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Return funds (6/23/2006 4:44:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing

To expand on this a bit, we have a preference that a completely new prospective servant (especially one with very little lifestyle experience) who wishes to relocate to our area start by obtaining an apartment (preferably in our area of town -- we have a good arrangement with the company that manages the property we're living in now, and has several buildings with -very- reasonable, inexpensive apartments within 5 blocks of our complex) and at least a part-time job (enough to be able to pay for food, groceries, and any bills they have like charge cards, etc.) for the first 3 months.

We also expect that our servants will work outside of their service to the enclave (especially now that we are in a very small place and both working full-time as well as going to school, and so have little to keep a servant occupied for hours on end every day). We find that this enables daily contact for observation in the beginning, and helps to keep a reasonable pace in getting established, while providing a "haven" and some security for the prospect until we determine whether or not he or she will fit more closely as family. It also helps to weed out those who are truly interested in developing a relationship from those who are strictly searching for someone to pay their bills and give them a place to live, rent-free (unfortunately, we had 3 of those, when we were first starting out in the process of "vetting" new servants without LEB's input, which actually ended up costing in the 6-figures to terminate their participation in our household).

Does anyone else have these kinds of requirements as well?

ZWD


I do...now...
Whether all the submissives out there who argue to the contrary want to believe it or not, there are an awful lot of folks who are seeking to "run away", as I put it.  I have offered, several times in the past to allow a boy to try this lifestyle (and Me) "on for size".  Not surprisingly, I am turned down.  They do not want to move, find a job, and take a 6 months lease on a nearby apartment.  Yet it makes perfect sense. But if I say "Sure!  Come on down, and move on in" they are good to go. 
I have also been left with extra expenses and the worry of "where will he go", because no provision was in place.  My fault as much as the submissive's fault.  But we learn.
If there is a good, solid relationship, and the people are in the right place, mentally and emotionally, then I have no problem, and there would be certain arrangements in place.  But the other option of moving nearby for a trial is often refused.   Why is that?




LadiesBladewing -> RE: Return funds (6/23/2006 5:37:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold


I do...now...
Whether all the submissives out there who argue to the contrary want to believe it or not, there are an awful lot of folks who are seeking to "run away", as I put it.  I have offered, several times in the past to allow a boy to try this lifestyle (and Me) "on for size".  Not surprisingly, I am turned down.  They do not want to move, find a job, and take a 6 months lease on a nearby apartment.  Yet it makes perfect sense. But if I say "Sure!  Come on down, and move on in" they are good to go. 
I have also been left with extra expenses and the worry of "where will he go", because no provision was in place.  My fault as much as the submissive's fault.  But we learn.
If there is a good, solid relationship, and the people are in the right place, mentally and emotionally, then I have no problem, and there would be certain arrangements in place.  But the other option of moving nearby for a trial is often refused.   Why is that?


Our experience is that the ones who are serious about service see our requirements as another form of service, and they welcome the opportunity to see what this life is like without having to give up their security until the're -sure- they're giving it up to something that is going to be in their best interest as well as ours.

The ones who balk either don't want this enough to really pick up and move for it (which is fine -- hopefully, they'll find someone closer to home), they are in a situation where they really couldn't relocate in the first place and when it was offered, they found they were too tied up in their local life to really make the move, or they don't see service and obedience the same way that we do (in which case we're both better off that they decide not to move) OR they're really looking for someone to support them.

We've had some who came, and weren't a good fit, and -all- of us were glad that we had a safe, effective method in place to deal with the situation where nobody ended up miserable and destitute (including -us-). This also makes it possible for us to deal effectively with situations like one addressed in another post, where issues of jealousy and incompatiblity can be effectively handled without having to destroy either a family or someone's life.

ZWD






MHOO314 -> RE: Return funds (6/23/2006 7:04:04 PM)

I'm wondering why One would take someone into their home if they were worried about that person having money to leave? Doesn't sound like a very hmmm stable bargain to Me.




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