Can I just say... (Full Version)

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LTRsubNW -> Can I just say... (6/20/2006 4:07:06 PM)

There is a common preponderance towards...and because of sub males (see below)...you Dommes have to know, you're the majority, even as you are in fact the minority as to numbers, but indeed the majority as to influence...we sub males are accused of every infraction, but the truth is, many of us are accused of things as a group BECAUSE of our small number (and because of a preponderance of several dickheads that preceded us {sp?}...you know who you are...if you don't, you should...because...you're a dickhead!!!).

We are accused of looking for "wanking" material...we're accused of seeking "the perfect woman {"Barbie"} (most of us aren't), we're accused of any number of things (I'll let the {hopefully} numerous subs that follow help me define this area {help me here guys}), looking for "pics", and any number of follow on sins that...male subs are "known for", but indeed, that ISN'T (granted...I'm defending here) our prerequisite.

Many of us (myself included) are looking for our best friend. 

(Really...give us a chance).

It isn't true that because we have an opinion (sometimes a strong one) that we aren't sub.  I can't count how many times I've been accused of being Dom solely because my opinion differs.

I have an opinion.  (Actually, I have several, in case anyone was wondering...it's what's made me successful in life...no doubt it's what's made many others successful as well).

So many subs are looking for their best friends...and they get dropped with not much more than a "see ya" because of some inocuous comment in their profile that puts them into an abyss that has a never ending conclusion...

That's not fair.

"Online" is a horrible place to gain an opinion about someone.  There is/are no "eyes" to lend what would come from a standard meeting or a glance...there's no inflection that comes from a simple hand on a shoulder or a door opened...

I know Dommes have about 3,427,817 emails they have to go through to get to maybe 4 or 5 worthy subs....but seriously...let's just accept that it's a given that you have the stage...we (subs) have a marked defect as to forum.

It's your stage.

I understand why, and every sub does too. 

We're afflicted by every sub that came before us.  As much as I'd like to say "I ain't THEM!!!!" I know that can't change or affect your opinion on or about all the shitheads that came before me...but....

PLEASE don't judge me (and the next guy) by the fellow that preceded me.

(Please).

(Thank you).

I would like to get to know you. 

You, who I wrote to.

You who may have written to me.

I would like to find my best friend...you, who I've spoken to and found intriguing.

You might be her.  (I might be "him").

I just wanted to say the above.  Sometimes these words get lost.

(Me).






enthralled -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 4:10:32 PM)

quote:

It isn't true that because we have an opinion (sometimes a strong one) that we aren't sub.  I can't count how many times I've been accused of being Dom solely because my opinion differs.

I have an opinion.  (I actually have several, in case anyone was wondering...it's what's made me successful in life...no doubt it's what's made many others successful as well).


I've found this is the case with any submissive ..... not just male submissives ~smiles~

~enthralled



Reflectivesoul -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 4:15:41 PM)

I have seen this time and time again as well. I have done my best to try and not do this as well. Submissive males arent just judged because of other subs but men as a whole, as well as by the players that come through here that are just trying to get their rocks off. No this isnt fair but yes it does happen way too much.
 
I wish there was some magic thing I could say that would make it stop but we all know that isnt going to happen, so the best advise I can give to all the male subs out there is set yourself apart from the others. Easier said than done I know, especially when everyone seems to want someone different. Standing out isnt easy for everyone but in the end it pays off.
 
I know for me personally any messages I have recieved that had more than one line and wasnt some kind of HUGE obvious troll, I have replied to, so dont give up keep trying.
 
Good luck to you...
 
~RS~



Oumae -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 4:36:31 PM)

I think the fact that many are still here means they haven't given up on finding the needle in the haystack.  Don't you give up hope either.  Be yourself, stay positive and use your charm and you should find your one, it may not be today or tomorrow but be patient, they say good things come to those who wait!

Oumae



MistressOfGa -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 4:50:17 PM)

Does it surprise you that I answer each and every email I get? Regardless of it's content. I answer, I say what I do or dont like about what he/she has written to me and then I move on. If I get a second letter and it is filled with nastiness, I delete and block. Period. No muss, no fuss. No coming to the boards and exploding all over the people here, they are not the ones who wrote to me. I do not have to rant and rave to people who post here. I would be preaching to the choir. The ones who email me with nasty letters are not those who are known to post here anyway. I do not judge one email by the previous one that I received. No matter how stupid I feel the one before yours was.
 
*I* am but one domina out of the hundreds who are online, also looking for their perfect submissive. I say perfect, because *I* am looking for *my* perfect sub. He could be 4'11" and toothless, but if he is perfect in *my* eyes, then I have found *my* perfect sub. Besides, he doesnt have to drop so low to kneel before me <s> The point is, aren't we all looking for our perfect partner? What is perfect to you may not meet the expectations of someone else's perfection. There is nothing wrong with looking for a perfect Mistress/Master and no, they do not have to look like Barbie and Ken to be perfect. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, such as beauty is.
Good luck to you LTRsubNW. You have raised some very good points :)



MsKatHouston -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 4:51:42 PM)

People react to situations, BDSM related or not, based on their previous life experiences.  Also, a lot of people recognize this and understand that there are always exceptions to the "rule".  So while I agree with you that often we fem doms can be a bit guarded, I think the majority of us will also be polite and give someone who sounds sincere a chance if there are enough green flags showing that it might work. 



Veryfewcan -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 5:23:30 PM)

You have come up with some interesting thoughts.

Here is a thought for you. Consider the fact that you really don't need a Domme. You can act out with your submissive nature in the way you conduct yourself; from day to day. Help people, do nice things for others, even those you don't know. It is a good feeling and a great way to fulfill your need to serve.
A lot of people don't realize and especially natural subs, that we don't have to be in a lifestyle relationship. Our daily actions fulfill a lot of our needs to serve.
I do have a profile here, but it is just on the off chance that I may actually meet someone I click with; in all aspects. I really don't need a Domme. I don't really search for one. I never write any on this site. However, I do get alot of Dommes write me, because of my profile. I reply to them and I have made alot of nice friendships.
Is there a Domme out there for me; probably; but life goes on.
My advice, embrace what you are, be proud of what you are and use your submission to help others.
Good Luck.



LTRsubNW -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 5:24:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

I have seen this time and time again as well. I have done my best to try and not do this as well. Submissive males arent just judged because of other subs but men as a whole, as well as by the players that come through here that are just trying to get their rocks off. No this isnt fair but yes it does happen way too much.
 
I wish there was some magic thing I could say that would make it stop but we all know that isnt going to happen, so the best advise I can give to all the male subs out there is set yourself apart from the others. Easier said than done I know, especially when everyone seems to want someone different. Standing out isnt easy for everyone but in the end it pays off.
 
I know for me personally any messages I have recieved that had more than one line and wasnt some kind of HUGE obvious troll, I have replied to, so dont give up keep trying.
 
Good luck to you...
 
~RS~


Well said...the only thing I could add is...don't assume...and give us a chance (and the previous {above} poster} said as much).

:)

Some of us aren't "them".



LTRsubNW -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 5:29:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I think the majority of us will also be polite and give someone who sounds sincere a chance if there are enough green flags showing that it might work. 


I've seen your posts...I know you would.

(Some wouldn't/aren't)



LTRsubNW -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 5:31:49 PM)

Nicely put.

(Thank you).



timeoutgurlie -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 5:40:10 PM)

Men, in general are accused of more when it comes to sex and relationships.  Cheating, lying, game playing, one track mind (wants sex only, will do anything to get it), etc., are all stereotypically associated with men.

Not for me personally, I think there are good & bad people and they come in all forms (gender, race, age, sexuality), but for some the stereotypes are all they 'know'.  Shame really, but such is life, just try and deal with it as best you can and know that the right one for you won't have these silly misconceptions and will appreciate who you are.  That's all any of us, male/female/otherwise can do [:D]



CreativeDominant -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 5:41:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

I have seen this time and time again as well. I have done my best to try and not do this as well. Submissive males arent just judged because of other subs but men as a whole, as well as by the players that come through here that are just trying to get their rocks off. No this isnt fair but yes it does happen way too much.
 
I wish there was some magic thing I could say that would make it stop but we all know that isnt going to happen, so the best advise I can give to all the male subs out there is set yourself apart from the others. Easier said than done I know, especially when everyone seems to want someone different. Standing out isnt easy for everyone but in the end it pays off.
 
I know for me personally any messages I have recieved that had more than one line and wasnt some kind of HUGE obvious troll, I have replied to, so dont give up keep trying.
 
Good luck to you...
 
~RS~


Nicely said, RS...[sm=applause.gif]



Misstoyou -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 5:44:44 PM)

You know, I know it can feel like all Dommes are painting submissives with the same negative brush, but realize most Dommes actually LIKE submissive men! I know! What a concept! lol

But seriously, we want submissive men in our lives, for all sorts of reasons, not simply for free housekeeping services. (Neither of mine do housework. I can hear the gasps!)

Just keep that in mind. [:)]



Reflectivesoul -> RE: Can I just say... (6/20/2006 7:14:09 PM)

Why thank You CD *smiles*
 
and ty LTR
 
I wanted to share a quote from my journals ( for those of you who havent seen it )
 
quote:

  My heart goes out to some of you boys that have wonderful profiles and are still getting nowhere. Just dont give up!

Much like every other kind of relationship it takes time, lots of it, to find just the right fit, and someone that suits you. Keep your chin up boys and eventually you'll be rewarded.




MizSuz -> RE: Can I just say... (6/24/2006 6:55:09 AM)

There are a lot of things that subs do that often create the misconception, even if they didn't realize they've done that or it wasn't their intent.

One example is sending a letter of inquiry to a dominant woman that reads like a laundry list of 'wants' when in fact the original writer was simply trying to introduce themself and neglected to realize that most folks want to know about the person before the kink.  The sub gets relegated to the 'do me sub' list and is doomed simply because he wasn't experienced enough to see past the kink to the humans behind the kink.

Another example could be someone who has one screenname/nick that they used to less than spectacular success.  So they delete that account and create another without letting those on the forum know they've done so.  To them they may think they are trying to start fresh, but to others on the board it could read as "player" if the person who did it didn't let everyone know that's what they'd done.  They might be ambling along fat, stupid and happy thinking they've got a new start, but inevitably this sort of thing becomes clear.  Hopefully the poor guy gets a chance to correct the mistake before others label him.  Of course, he'll probably then just make another screen name/ nick.  And so the cycle continues...

It's not always that someone gets labeled because of things those who came before him did.  Often it's because of things he did himself (although I realize that it's very convenient to believe the former).



MistressLorelei -> RE: Can I just say... (6/24/2006 7:49:54 AM)

If I didn't think there is a sincere submissive male who seeks the same loving total power exchang-type relationship I seek, I wouldn't stick around.  While I admit I don't answer all mail, I do make an effort to answer the mail that shows thought or effort was put forth in writing it, and it's more than simply 'hi', or a spam letter telling me how they like my picture (though I don't have one posted).  Make an effort, and I will usually return the favor.  I especially like when someone lets me know they read what I have written in the forums.

I will add... while I do feel your frustration, don't lump the "Dommes" together as a group who think all males are wankers out for themselves, who do not so much as deserve the time of day.  There are many Dommes here who, like you, seek their best friend, and are dealing with the frustration of so badly knowing what they need in a submissive/relationship, and yet not finding it.

There are many 'Dommes' out there who I think give the rest of us a bad name as well, and there are many submissives who characterize  most Dommes as money hungry bitches who want nothing but a wealthy servant.

You are not alone in your frustration (I am living proof of it). Best of luck.



ArtimisBlack -> RE: Can I just say... (6/24/2006 8:09:41 AM)

Imagine what a wonderful world it would be if everyone jusdged others solely by their own merits, rather then by the merits of those that have come before them....I know...I'm a dreamer. Luckily there are some (the rest of the world will just have to catch up) who judge solely based on personal merits, like me and many of you :)
I do think MizSuz made a good point about people seeing their actions one way, while the rest of the world perceives it as another. Perhaps we should start a common mistakes thread? Let people know what *not* to do and what to do instead. The improvement in general quality would be worth it!



Tamerofwild1s -> RE: Can I just say... (6/24/2006 10:01:12 AM)

I have to admit the doubt I have seen in "some" men who claim to be submissive . it has been my veiw point that quite a large number from this site and other sites are merely "game" players .. they figured out if they act all submissive ... say submissive things a Domme will take them in give them exactly what they want . a command to have sex ... BINGO . they just won and they really aren't submissive at all . unfortunately they have created a bad name .. and it's not just the submissive men who have done this . I have seen it in Dom/mes too unfortunately a major portion of attention goes to the sub men ..... I have dealt with this in the vanilla world too . I was a mechanic for a large number of years ... me and the other manager worked with pride in our trade . unfortunately this was at a time that all car mechanics were getting a bad rap as vultures who preyed on people with broken down cars. all I can say tothose that are doing the right thing is keep doing "your thing" and treadinging .. sooner or later you will be seen for your passion.



LokisBrat -> RE: Can I just say... (6/24/2006 10:08:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

I have to admit the doubt I have seen in "some" men who claim to be submissive . it has been my veiw point that quite a large number from this site and other sites are merely "game" players .. they figured out if they act all submissive ... say submissive things a Domme will take them in give them exactly what they want . a command to have sex ... BINGO . they just won and they really aren't submissive at all . unfortunately they have created a bad name .. and it's not just the submissive men who have done this . I have seen it in Dom/mes too unfortunately a major portion of attention goes to the sub men ..... I have dealt with this in the vanilla world too . I was a mechanic for a large number of years ... me and the other manager worked with pride in our trade . unfortunately this was at a time that all car mechanics were getting a bad rap as vultures who preyed on people with broken down cars. all I can say tothose that are doing the right thing is keep doing "your thing" and treadinging .. sooner or later you will be seen for your passion.


Dignity and pride will always prevail over accusations (sorry about the spelling, my editing sub is still asleep).  Head up, shoulders back, and walk away with your pride.

LOKI



peterK50 -> RE: Can I just say... (6/24/2006 10:12:58 AM)

As one Mistress put it "Submissive Males Are A Dime-A-Dozen". That seems to be the prevailing attitude.



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