Masters and inadequacy ...

Masters and inadequacy ... (Full Version)

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kiska -> Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 6:38:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Low self esteem has nothing to do with being submissive. If you asked 1000 submissives if they had good self esteem or poor self esteem, and then 1000 vanilla people the same question you would find that low self esteem is a PEOPLE problem, not a submissive problem. I wonder why people do not go to "Ask a Master" and ask them if there is some deep sense of inadequacy that causes them to want to control people? I have never seen dominants asked this question and I wonder why. I bet there are just as many low self esteem doms as there are subs. Just because I am who I am ... I'm asking the question. Note; the question does not neccessarily have anything to do with how I feel. I'm merely asking it because, well, it begs to be asked ... So, do any of you Masters, Mistresses, dominants and tops in general feel that there might be some deep sense of inadequacy that causes or caused you to want to control others? (At least I remembered to ask the question!)

juliaoceania -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 6:45:35 PM)
Kiska, since you took my words, I will specify, I do not think doms have a sense of inadequacy anymore than any other people in the world.... just to make sure that everyone understands that post was from another thread that questioned whether subs have low self esteem. Just wanted to make sure I made myself clear...lol

Arpig -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 6:53:29 PM)
I can only speak for myself here, and in my case the answer is no. I don't need to control people, it turns me on to do so. I am one of those to whom BDSM is definately a sexual thing.

kiska -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 6:56:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Kiska, since you took my words, I will specify, I do not think doms have a sense of inadequacy anymore than any other people in the world.... just to make sure that everyone understands that post was from another thread that questioned whether subs have low self esteem. Just wanted to make sure I made myself clear...lol I don't think that all doms do but I think some of them may just as some submissives may have a sense of low self esteem ... lol ... I didn't mean to imply that you felt that way either but I figured if the question hasnt been asked yet, someone should ask it!

DesertRat -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 7:14:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig I can only speak for myself here, and in my case the answer is no. I don't need to control people, it turns me on to do so. I am one of those to whom BDSM is definately a sexual thing. I can echo that. I don't feel a need to control, but often find myself in leadership roles, whether I seek them or not. In some of the non-BDSM contexts (work, EMT stuff, etc.), I do find myself enjoying the feeling of having some control, but only if it makes the job go better than it would otherwise. BDSM and/or Master/slave-wise, I find it is much more than a sexual thing but hasten to add that the sexual aspects, are a major component for me. I'm not just talking about things directly associated with sex. There are many things that indirectly tie into sexual behavior and those are all part of the turn-on for me. Summing up: No compensation for inadequacy here. Also, no feelings of forcing my superadequate self on those 'less fortunate'. At least, that's what I'm shooting for. Bob

irishbynature -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 7:19:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig I can only speak for myself here, and in my case the answer is no. I don't need to control people, it turns me on to do so. I am one of those to whom BDSM is definately a sexual thing. [:)] I feel the same way about submission Arpig...and also think that it's up the individual couple to decide what "kink" works best for them. Irish[:D]

LokisBrat -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 7:31:59 PM)
I feel no need to control, but find that I desire the control. I have always assumed roles of responsibility and am comfortable with assuming those roles. LOKI

kiska -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 8:43:44 PM)
Seriously though, how many people are going to come forward and be like ... Yeah, I feel horribly inadequate so I take out my deep inner turmoil on unsuspective submissives. I mean really ...

juliaoceania -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 8:50:46 PM)
There are plenty of submissives on the other hand who know they have low self esteem... The dom I am seeing thinks we all have weaknesses, just some of us are more willing to admit it than others...smiles

Darke -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/20/2006 11:14:28 PM)
An interesting post, and, as well stated earlier, not one that we are likely to hear truly honest and introspective replies to. As has been well hashed and retreaded innumerable times here, the "idea" of the lifestyle and pliant sex goddesses who can't say no does draw some undesirables who want to poach the supposed "self-esteem" issues of submissives. Whether these HNG's are drawn to this merely from laziness and perceived convenience, or whether they view this as a course of last resort for themselves I suppose varies from person to person. I would hope that those who are serious about the lifestyle, but only play casually (is this sentence an oxymoron) generally have their "stuff together" for the safety and happiness of both (or all) parties. I would also hope that those in 24/7 relationships have--every now and again-- moments of, if not inadequacy, at least awe for the responsibility they have taken on.

MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 2:33:11 AM)
Neither of us feel inadequate at any time our need to control can emerge if we are with the right person or persons that we can leed and guide them to give us what pleasure or joy we wish to have at that particular time. This need is not something that we unleesh with every person we enjoy time togethr with even then that does not make us feel inadequate just because there is no way we can Dominate who ever at that time and does not cause us any concern.

IronBear -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 4:31:56 AM)
I have no need to control others and in fact in many areas I walk away from situations where such control is being thrust upon me.. There are a select few whom I will take great pleasure in controlling. I am happiest in being in as much control of my life and the circumstances surrounding it. If this also means controlling (usually by remore control) the people or groups/business which attempt to control me, then so be it (I can and do this effectly, efficiently and at times ruthlessly). In my personal relationships, I prefer to guide and help a person grow. Slaves are are different kettle of fish altogether. by their nature they are to be controlled.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 6:04:41 AM)
I can't imagine someone actually admitting to that. I can say I only know a handful of dominants who I believe are acting out and become the dom in a relationship because of their insecurities and control issues (subs tend to do that far more often). But I do know that plenty of doms have serious insecurities that they try and avoid in their position as dominant.

CrappyDom -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 7:04:36 AM)
I am just dumb enough to post a rather soul exposing bit, but it won't be ready till next week. I have long wondered where my need to dominant comes from and I have discovered the font from which it flows.

RavenMuse -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 7:17:55 AM)
I don't need to control others... but I DO need to control a lot of my life. I AM a self control freak and when I care a lot of control goes with that care, it is part of HOW I care..... but need to control others, no, that isn't where it comes from. The only person I would catagoricaly state as a 'need' to control, is myself.

lisa1978 -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 8:25:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse I don't need to control others... but I DO need to control a lot of my life. I AM a self control freak and when I care a lot of control goes with that care, it is part of HOW I care..... but need to control others, no, that isn't where it comes from. The only person I would catagoricaly state as a 'need' to control, is myself. I think that is beautifully written and what I have seen in healthy dominants. It is not about a God complex but just liking/needing some level of control in their life that normal life frowns upon.

Tamerofwild1s -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 8:52:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiska quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Low self esteem has nothing to do with being submissive. If you asked 1000 submissives if they had good self esteem or poor self esteem, and then 1000 vanilla people the same question you would find that low self esteem is a PEOPLE problem, not a submissive problem. I wonder why people do not go to "Ask a Master" and ask them if there is some deep sense of inadequacy that causes them to want to control people? I have never seen dominants asked this question and I wonder why. I bet there are just as many low self esteem doms as there are subs. Just because I am who I am ... I'm asking the question. Note; the question does not neccessarily have anything to do with how I feel. I'm merely asking it because, well, it begs to be asked ... So, do any of you Masters, Mistresses, dominants and tops in general feel that there might be some deep sense of inadequacy that causes or caused you to want to control others? (At least I remembered to ask the question!) lol this is a good question .. because I have seen to many times posts refering to Doms as doing what they do because they have low self esteem issues they make up for their esteem issue by abusive control of a submissive .... that being said I'm sure in almost every walk of life there are those that do what they do for some kind of esteem issue ..... oh and nice save there julia .. lmao Me myself it has never been an esteem issue ... it is simply something inside of me in which I always seem to be in control of the situation at hand ...... My Dominance is something that comes from within . it's not just asexual thing with me tho . and those that know me can say that 100% but I'm sure there are those in fact for whom it is a low self esteem issue

mnottertail -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 8:58:13 AM)
I try to maintain a certain inadequacy as a Dominant, it helps the slave to learn the concept of desire, in a truely personal fashion. Ron

Master96 -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 9:04:49 AM)
Hello everyone, The question I asked… came now and being asked to me, waw For me I don’t have any self-esteem issues, and I don’t want my slave to have any out of her submission. (This made me ask this in the first place at “Ask a Sub/Slave”) Anyway… I agree with irishbynature Take care, Master96,

Estring -> RE: Masters and inadequacy ... (6/21/2006 11:35:44 PM)
Well I think it is pretty obvious that there are many in bdsm who have low self esteem (among many other problems). We all see the same horror stories over and over here as well as in r/l. I am sure that it is as common with Doms as with subs, but it seems to stick out with subs because they are usually the ones being hurt because of it.

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