Perception

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AlittleCrazy098 -> Perception (2/15/2013 2:01:10 PM)
The post below is from a conversation that I was having with someone. We have been talking for about 2 weeks, and it seemed as if the conversation was going well. Before sending this particular message, I told her who I was; what my intentions were, and was always polite and respectful. However, she hasn't respond to this message in a few days, and I have a feeling that she suddenly lost interest. I suspect this because since I last sent her a message, she has logged on several times. What's even more weird about this, is that I sent her a friend request shortly after sending her this message and she accepted it (by the way, this conversation was not on this site). So, I'm not understanding why she MIGHT have suddenly lost interest. Part of me feel as if maybe she felt I was trying to manipulate her or that she may feel as if I'm not being "man" enough (showing lack of confidence). So, my question is what would be a reasons you would lose interest based on this message if someone sent it to you after conversing with them and why? I understand that I could ask her personally, but I don't think she is going to respond. " Hello, This is her answering a question Tool and NIN are good artists. I got to see Offspring, sum 41, and a few other bands live while in Japan. I actually went into a mosh pit for the first time while over there. I almost died and I kinda saved someones life... well helped them with a small injury. It was nothing really. lol This is me sympathizing with her I understand about it being hard to find a job let alone a good one, and it doesn't help that the economy is still slow. we were talking about superheroes because that is one of her hobbies and I like comics too. Batman did beat Superman. I was reading an article a few days ago, and France finally got rid of a law that was passed in the 1800s that stated "women must ask the police for permission to wear pants." Apparently, they were enforcing this law and it was important enough to get rid of??? I feel like everything below is what might have turned her off..... Out of some of the things on your kinky interest list in your profile what are some of your favorites? A little side note, because I've never met you in person. I don't feel comfortable in asking for your phone number, because the way I see it, it's important for you to be comfortable with me and I want to be respectful of that."

poise -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:18:04 PM)
What if I told you that the reason she stopped responding was because you used the word hard as opposed to difficult, or that, instead of phone number, you should have said digits. Will you then refrain from using such words in the future? The truth of the matter is, for some apparent reason, she no longer had an interest in continuing with you. This doesn't mean there was something about you that she didn't like, or that you did anything wrong, but simply a case of her finding interest elsewhere.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:27:47 PM)
There is nothing teribly wrong as I see it. She may have taken the kink interest question as forward, particularly when you two aren't comfortable enough to exchange phone numbers, and speak as two simple beings. My guess is, she lost interest. There is no knowing if you were chatting with a girl, or what made ?her lose interest in you. Good luck next time, M

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:31:11 PM)
Have you tried asking her at all?

AlittleCrazy098 -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:34:14 PM)
Thank you all for your honest opinions. No I haven't tried asking her because I haven't met her in person. And because I've never met her in real life, I feel as if asking her for a number would be jumping too soon. Also, as a man I'm not as intimidated in meeting someone as a women might be for obvious reasons. Not that I won't run into danger, but that the potential for danger doesn't scare me in the least. In other words, I rather wait for her to make that decision to exchange for number and to meet.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:37:21 PM)
So then, Man, What do you have to lose asking her?

AlittleCrazy098 -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:40:42 PM)
So, your advice is that I should ask her for her number even though she didn't respond to my message?

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:42:44 PM)
No, it is not. My advice is to ask her if she has lost interest.

hlen5 -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:44:53 PM)
You could give her your number when you ask for hers.

muhly22222 -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 2:46:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland No, it is not. My advice is to ask her if she has lost interest. Although you may want to consider doing it in a subtle way. When somebody I've been having a conversation with disappears and stops responding to me, I tend to send a message that says that I was really enjoying the conversation we were having, and then do something to continue that conversation.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 3:10:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: muhly22222 quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland No, it is not. My advice is to ask her if she has lost interest. Although you may want to consider doing it in a subtle way. When somebody I've been having a conversation with disappears and stops responding to me, I tend to send a message that says that I was really enjoying the conversation we were having, and then do something to continue that conversation. Yes. That.

masmiss -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 3:32:17 PM)
Did you interject your kink question in the middle of a vanilla conversation? That's always a huge turn-off for me, especially early in the getting-to-know phase. It pretty much says that he's getting bored talking to me about vanilla interests and just wants to move on to what's really important to him: his dick. Not that that was your intention. Just a FYI.

lizi -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 3:40:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masmiss Did you interject your kink question in the middle of a vanilla conversation? That's always a huge turn-off for me, especially early in the getting-to-know phase. It pretty much says that he's getting bored talking to me about vanilla interests and just wants to move on to what's really important to him: his dick. Not that that was your intention. Just a FYI. This. When a man wants to talk about sex or kink too soon I usually let him know that I don't discuss those topics with strangers. If he persists then I cut off communication. Many people view kink as a neutral subject, I don't think it is. If it's not something you can discuss in public, with almost anyone, then it's not suitable for small talk. She may not have been really into you as partner material and when kink came up she decided to cut things off. If she were interested she'd have been in touch by now.

DarkSteven -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 4:33:06 PM)
Why did you excerpt single sentences from conversations, with explanations of the context? I get suspicious whenever I see that, as though I'm getting led to a predetermined conclusion.

AlittleCrazy098 -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 5:28:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi quote: ORIGINAL: masmiss Did you interject your kink question in the middle of a vanilla conversation? That's always a huge turn-off for me, especially early in the getting-to-know phase. It pretty much says that he's getting bored talking to me about vanilla interests and just wants to move on to what's really important to him: his dick. Not that that was your intention. Just a FYI. This. When a man wants to talk about sex or kink too soon I usually let him know that I don't discuss those topics with strangers. If he persists then I cut off communication. Many people view kink as a neutral subject, I don't think it is. If it's not something you can discuss in public, with almost anyone, then it's not suitable for small talk. She may not have been really into you as partner material and when kink came up she decided to cut things off. If she were interested she'd have been in touch by now. quote: Did you interject your kink question in the middle of a vanilla conversation? That's always a huge turn-off for me, especially early in the getting-to-know phase. It pretty much says that he's getting bored talking to me about vanilla interests and just wants to move on to what's really important to him: his dick. Not that that was your intention. Just a FYI. I would agree with all of you but she told me that she was "interested" in what I had to provide as a sub: apparently not anymore lol. So, I am a little confused by the sudden not interested any longer. Secondly, what do you consider to be a good time to talk to a potential partner about kink? Do you prefer to be the one to start that conversation, or for the other person to? I figured 2 weeks would have been ok to ask a very generic but not detailed question. The purpose of my question was an attempt to help me evaluate my compatibility with her and wasn't an attempt to get a quick wanking in. At Steven: I did that in an attempt to give information about the message, and wasn't me trying to force any kind of predisposed conclusion on to anyone.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 6:08:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlittleCrazy098 The post below is from a conversation that I was having with someone. We have been talking for about 2 weeks, and it seemed as if the conversation was going well. Before sending this particular message, I told her who I was; what my intentions were, and was always polite and respectful. However, she hasn't respond to this message in a few days, and I have a feeling that she suddenly lost interest. I suspect this because since I last sent her a message, she has logged on several times. What's even more weird about this, is that I sent her a friend request shortly after sending her this message and she accepted it (by the way, this conversation was not on this site). So, I'm not understanding why she MIGHT have suddenly lost interest. Part of me feel as if maybe she felt I was trying to manipulate her or that she may feel as if I'm not being "man" enough (showing lack of confidence). So, my question is what would be a reasons you would lose interest based on this message if someone sent it to you after conversing with them and why? I understand that I could ask her personally, but I don't think she is going to respond. " Hello, This is her answering a question Tool and NIN are good artists. I got to see Offspring, sum 41, and a few other bands live while in Japan. I actually went into a mosh pit for the first time while over there. I almost died and I kinda saved someones life... well helped them with a small injury. It was nothing really. lol This is me sympathizing with her I understand about it being hard to find a job let alone a good one, and it doesn't help that the economy is still slow. we were talking about superheroes because that is one of her hobbies and I like comics too. Batman did beat Superman. I was reading an article a few days ago, and France finally got rid of a law that was passed in the 1800s that stated "women must ask the police for permission to wear pants." Apparently, they were enforcing this law and it was important enough to get rid of??? I feel like everything below is what might have turned her off..... Out of some of the things on your kinky interest list in your profile what are some of your favorites? A little side note, because I've never met you in person. I don't feel comfortable in asking for your phone number, because the way I see it, it's important for you to be comfortable with me and I want to be respectful of that." I blame her.

LadyPact -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 8:00:55 PM)
OK, I have to ask. Is this the same chick as was the subject of this thread? http://www.collarchat.com/m_4373604/tm.htm If it was, I'm going to go with she may not have liked seeing you discussing her in the thread before meeting. If it wasn't, she lost interest in you because you were meeting another Dominant, so you weren't as serious about possible potential as she thought you were. Don't fool yourself. Many people are a member of both sites and on this one, it's a lot easier to read up on a person's posts. A lot of women, even before the first meet, aren't all that thrilled about guys lining up meets with more than one in such a short time frame.

muhly22222 -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 8:10:12 PM)
quote: Secondly, what do you consider to be a good time to talk to a potential partner about kink? Do you prefer to be the one to start that conversation, or for the other person to? For me, a good time is when it comes up in conversation. I don't steer a conversation there, but there isn't a set time where both people are going to be comfortable with it, it's just going to depend on the context of the interaction. A lot of times I'm the one to start it, but it usually gets started in a joking sort of way (consistent with the rest of my personality, I assure you). We'll be talking about something, and I'll make a joke like "But you'll cook what I tell you to, because you're a good little subbie :P" That almost always leads to a laugh, and sometimes the conversation veers into...other things that a good little subbie would do, while other times the conversation continues on the course it had been on before. The key is that it just has to be natural. I don't really make a conscious decision that "now I'm going to talk about kink." If it's somebody I met from this site, I know there's at least some background interest in a power exchange and kink (or I wouldn't be talking to them), so when it feels normal to make a kinky joke, I do it.

AlittleCrazy098 -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 9:04:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact OK, I have to ask. Is this the same chick as was the subject of this thread? http://www.collarchat.com/m_4373604/tm.htm If it was, I'm going to go with she may not have liked seeing you discussing her in the thread before meeting. If it wasn't, she lost interest in you because you were meeting another Dominant, so you weren't as serious about possible potential as she thought you were. Don't fool yourself. Many people are a member of both sites and on this one, it's a lot easier to read up on a person's posts. A lot of women, even before the first meet, aren't all that thrilled about guys lining up meets with more than one in such a short time frame. No it is not the same girl, and I did meet that girland decided that she wasn't for me. So, I see nothing wrong with lining up dates or numbers. For starters, it's not always going to work out after a first conversation or a first meeting. As duly noted twice. Secondly, the best way to gain experience with people is to talk to as many of them as possible. Likewise, the only way I am going to be able to get better at talking to girls is to practice at it. And lastly, my chances as a submissive in finding a Mistress is hard enough with all the competition, lack of younger females in the community ( by community I mean the actual one and not the online one), and the fact that most women are either taken or submissive. Now, where it becomes a problem is when someone continues to talk to these girls and see them after that person finds the "one." That's wrong and I won't do something like that. However, I respect your point in this matter and understand your view as well. And, I'm not interested in arguing or debating this any further.

AlittleCrazy098 -> RE: Perception (2/15/2013 9:07:27 PM)
Thanks for the advice muhly and everyone else.

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