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Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/20/2006 9:20:39 PM

calisub44

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline

I am under consideration by a beautiful mistress to be her submissive. She already owns another male submissive and I would be her second. She tells me that we will both be used as sex slaves, in addition to serving her other needs. I'm not so sure how comfortable I am with this arrangement, with STDs and AIDS being around. She also says that jealousy is not allowed, being that we are both there to serve her needs, and not our own. I'm not sure if I will be jealous of him, especially knowing that she is having sex with both of us.

Do any other mistresses have more than one slave that they own?

Post #: 1

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/20/2006 9:46:39 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Why are you entering into a relationship with which you are clearly not comfortable?
If sexually transmitted diseases were your only concern, you could all get tested for STDs, and as long as you trust all parties are only engaging within your trio, you should be okay in that regard.
The problem is that this is obviously not what you seek/want, and so I wonder why as a grown adult you are entering into a situation like this. Many mistresses and masters have more than one servant (sub/slave), but that is neither here nor there as far as your physical and emotional/psychological health is concerned.
Good luck, and let us know how things turn out. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 2

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/21/2006 12:07:55 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Many Doms/Dommes have more than one slave/submissive
and this arrangement may or may not include sex with more than one of them.

The concerns you have about STI's and AIDS are legitimate.
All persons need to be tested, condoms used, barrier methods,
separate toys for any type of insertion, etc.

The questions about the emotional involvement indicate that
you are not comfortable with the situation. You could
talk face to face with both the Domme and the other sub
before making a final decision.

Regards,

Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 3

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/21/2006 12:23:48 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Why are you entering into a relationship with which you are clearly not comfortable?
If sexually transmitted diseases were your only concern, you could all get tested for STDs, and as long as you trust all parties are only engaging within your trio, you should be okay in that regard.
The problem is that this is obviously not what you seek/want, and so I wonder why as a grown adult you are entering into a situation like this. Many mistresses and masters have more than one servant (sub/slave), but that is neither here nor there as far as your physical and emotional/psychological health is concerned.
Good luck, and let us know how things turn out. M

I agree wholeheartedly with Ms M here. I want to add that this is what I find objectionable to the term "under consideration" when applied to solely to a submissive. Consideration is a two way street. Both of you have the other "under consideration." In fact, since she already has another sub, this means that you have to have both of them "under consideration." And her other sub must have you "under consideration" as well. You need to work out your feelings, and communicate extensively with BOTH of them before making a commitment.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 4

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/21/2006 12:45:01 AM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: calisub44

I am under consideration by a beautiful mistress to be her submissive. She already owns another male submissive and I would be her second. She tells me that we will both be used as sex slaves, in addition to serving her other needs. I'm not so sure how comfortable I am with this arrangement, with STDs and AIDS being around. She also says that jealousy is not allowed, being that we are both there to serve her needs, and not our own. I'm not sure if I will be jealous of him, especially knowing that she is having sex with both of us.

Do any other mistresses have more than one slave that they own?

Boy, does this issue hit home. I was starting to write about the "why," I ended up in this situation, but it's irrelevant. Suffice it to say that for the time being, I have both my wonderful submissive of a year and a half, and my adorable new puppy. By rights, I shouldn't have either. Both men were looking for monogamous relationships. Both men are doing something outside their personal comfort level, for me.

For different reasons, they are both jealous of the other, but independently, both have decided that if that's the price they have to pay for being in my life, they will pay it. I truly don't deserve either of them. The situation is made bearable for both because it's only temporary, as my submissive will be moving, in the certain, but indefinite, future.

Actually, the new puppy was the one who came with "papers", showing he had been tested. But he was just talking this evening about how he struggled in the beginning as to whether he should just walk away. And I told the submissive about the puppy as a fait accompli (sp - I'm tired), and he could have decided "screw this" as well.

You have to make the choice. But when you make the choice, it needs to be based on the way things are, not the way they might be or you'd wish them to be. Good luck.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 5

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/21/2006 1:43:21 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: calisub44

I am under consideration by a beautiful mistress to be her submissive. She already owns another male submissive and I would be her second. She tells me that we will both be used as sex slaves, in addition to serving her other needs. I'm not so sure how comfortable I am with this arrangement, with STDs and AIDS being around. She also says that jealousy is not allowed, being that we are both there to serve her needs, and not our own. I'm not sure if I will be jealous of him, especially knowing that she is having sex with both of us.

Do any other mistresses have more than one slave that they own?

Your dilemma is not one I'd ever wanna be a party to. Man.... Cali is swimming in fine-ass, single, vanilla women. I'd be patient, hang out and play with the vanilla girls until you get exactly what you want. The ladies here talk about getting what they want.... I say get what you want, brother.

Good luck.

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 6/21/2006 1:49:55 AM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 6

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/21/2006 6:48:26 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If I were you (and I'm not) I'd insist on a minimum of meeting the other person in her life -- be he a slave, a submissive, or a vanilla partner. Walking into any existing relationship will be trying for everyone. Best to see if there is anything other than her that you have in common and if you can get along.

As for diseases, only a fool would not be worried about that.

Tell her your concerns and she should be more than willing to have everyone tested anew and insist on safer sex practices. If she isn't then you may be risking your health with this woman.

I know it can seem like there are no dominant women out there for you but don't let that feeling pull you into a relationship that is unsafe or which you feel is unrealistic.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 7

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/21/2006 8:29:21 AM

MadamCoeurDeCuir

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: calisub44

She also says that jealousy is not allowed, being that we are both there to serve her needs, and not our own. I'm not sure if I will be jealous of him, especially knowing that she is having sex with both of us.

Do any other mistresses have more than one slave that they own?

Cali, as an experienced dominant who has had more than one sub/slave at a time, when I see or hear things like “Jealousy is not allowed” I want to cringe. You are human, and jealousy is a very human emotion and in triads or poly relationships it must be addressed UPFRONT. I tell “mine” that jealousy is to be expected, and therefore the feelings of jealousy are “allowed” -- what should NOT be allowed is any inappropriate expression of jealousy that would be deleterious to anyone (yourself included). That means that attacking “the other” or other histrionics are grounds for dismissal. The larger issue here (and one too that others have picked up on) is that you have expressed that it doesn’t “feel right.” I’d contend that if it doesn’t “feel right” it won’t “be right”.
Best of luck,
MdmC

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 8

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/21/2006 8:57:03 AM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: calisub44

I am under consideration by a beautiful mistress to be her submissive. She already owns another male submissive and I would be her second. She tells me that we will both be used as sex slaves, in addition to serving her other needs. I'm not so sure how comfortable I am with this arrangement, with STDs and AIDS being around.

As per the STD (AIDS) issue, I would insist that all be tested first and then again in six months, just because of the incubation period, before I would enter into any kind of sexual relationship. Also, how will you know if the other two people are not having sexual relationship with a fourth...or even a fifth individual...and so on? It's a tricky situation even between couples, let alone having a third party in the mix.

quote:

She also says that jealousy is not allowed, being that we are both there to serve her needs, and not our own. I'm not sure if I will be jealous of him, especially knowing that she is having sex with both of us.

As for the jealousy issue, how will you know if you won't fall in love with this person and then cannot help being jealous?

I think it's worth it for you to think it over carfully before entering into such an arrangement. And in the mean time, everyone can get an AIDS test.

< Message edited by iliv2servher -- 6/21/2006 8:58:32 AM >

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 9

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/21/2006 10:03:37 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: calisub44

I am under consideration by a beautiful mistress to be her submissive. She already owns another male submissive and I would be her second. She tells me that we will both be used as sex slaves, in addition to serving her other needs. I'm not so sure how comfortable I am with this arrangement, with STDs and AIDS being around. She also says that jealousy is not allowed, being that we are both there to serve her needs, and not our own. I'm not sure if I will be jealous of him, especially knowing that she is having sex with both of us.

Do any other mistresses have more than one slave that they own?

My story is slightly different I have a female collared and been with Me 7 years,a male that is uncollared,but devoted slave.I also dont think jealousy belongs in the relationship.Each slave is wanted and "loved" for a different reason.
I make it a point of making sure My slaves know this.I also make a point of the males knowing My female is way more valuable to Me while they are a dime a dozen.

To comment on the your feeling comfortable....
you seriously need to to think about how jealous you might be.
The green eye monster can make people do the craziest shit you've ever seen.
If there is any question I would wait and see what happens if you spend say a weekend at first.Then a week,ease into it if able to.And go from there.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 10

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/22/2006 8:16:12 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I think all of your concerns are valid and need addressed.

The risk of disease is one that each person must weigh individually to decide if it’s worth it. Some questions you might want to ask yourself in weighing that risk: What is the relationship dynamic? Is it a closed poly, open poly, not poly at all but just the Mistress taking on other slaves/lovers? Do the participants know and trust one another? Is protection being used every time by every member?

Your Mistress telling you "jealousy is not allowed" simply won’t cut it. Jealousy is an emotion and you are a human being. If it’s going to surface, it’s going to surface, regardless of a simple rule that says no. How willing is she to sit down and talk with you about the emotion? How will it be handled if/when it arises? In what ways will you be permitted to deal with it? Will you have to deal with it alone, or with her, or as a family? Jealousy isn’t a wrong or right thing. But how we express it, and address it, can be.

There are many Dominas who have more than one slave. It’s never the same for any two households. Ask questions as they come up and those in similar situations will offer advice and feedback.
Most importantly… take your time! Relationship building is a process, not an instantaneous happening. Go slow. Keep your eyes open. Make educated decisions. Don’t go jumping in with both feet, leaving all common sense behind. And follow your gut instincts.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 11

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/22/2006 1:57:30 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: calisub44

I am under consideration by a beautiful mistress to be her submissive. She already owns another male submissive and I would be her second. She tells me that we will both be used as sex slaves, in addition to serving her other needs. I'm not so sure how comfortable I am with this arrangement, with STDs and AIDS being around. She also says that jealousy is not allowed, being that we are both there to serve her needs, and not our own. I'm not sure if I will be jealous of him, especially knowing that she is having sex with both of us.

Do any other mistresses have more than one slave that they own?

calisub44,

Welcome to the boards.
The fact that you say in your profile that you are fairly new, and then you post this question (bolded above), tells Me that you are very new. Nothing wrong with that. But I am surprised that you would jump into a complicated triangle so quickly.
Yes, many Ladies own more than one slave. Jealousy is a natural by product in such households, but the way the emotion is handled or not handled in the more important issue.
I have had more than one, and even without traditonal sex involved, it can be just as hard on the Lady as on the boys.
Take your time. It is not unusual for a Domina to have more than one submissive or slave. The interaction between the submissives and the Domina are as varied as there are households. You need to invest some serious time and thought before you jump at the first offer. (Is this the first?) It is your responsibility to respectfully ask the questions that are important. If the answers are not forthcoming, think again about this whole idea (with this particular Lady). If the answers are not making you feel comfortable, think a third time about this whole idea (with this or any future Lady).

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 12

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/22/2006 2:39:34 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

The usual, natural inclination of people is to want a significant other all to oneself. The only way to get beyond that is to experiment and feel out how much range you have for sharing another person. In other words, only by testing yourself can you find out how set in stone your pre-wiring actually is.

You only live once, so why not at least try something different?

Know this. What you provide to your Mistress will always be unique, and just because she has another does not, ipso-facto, mean she doesn't care for you.

Although this may not be your life long fix (marriage) or you ideal, you may discover things about yourself you never knew, you'll gain experience, and hopefully you will have some rewarding fun to boot.

(in reply to calisub44)

Post #: 13

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/22/2006 3:10:22 PM

peterK50

Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline

When I have served with more then one submissives a "pecking order" usually develops naturally.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 14

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/22/2006 3:34:58 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

Each slave is wanted and "loved" for a different reason.
I make it a point of making sure My slaves know this.I also make a point of the males knowing My female is way more valuable to Me while they are a dime a dozen.

Being told I'm both "loved" and a "dime a dozen" would confuse the hell out of me. I did notice the quotation marks but...
Being told I'm a dime-a-dozen sure wouldn't get it done for me but of course, hey, whatever works for You and him is great and I do understand this attitude is quite prevelant regarding male subs. Unfortunate, but true. Just keeping it real for the sub brothers out there!

Ok, sorry for the detour!

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 15

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/23/2006 12:20:27 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

Each slave is wanted and "loved" for a different reason.
I make it a point of making sure My slaves know this.I also make a point of the males knowing My female is way more valuable to Me while they are a dime a dozen.

Being told I'm both "loved" and a "dime a dozen" would confuse the hell out of me. I did notice the quotation marks but...
Being told I'm a dime-a-dozen sure wouldn't get it done for me but of course, hey, whatever works for You and him is great and I do understand this attitude is quite prevelant regarding male subs. Unfortunate, but true. Just keeping it real for the sub brothers out there!

Ok, sorry for the detour!

Okay I should have been a little more detailed.
I have several that serve...some get the attitude they can replace My bishop,while I love all My worms no one will ever be good enough to replace her.
Hope that helps make you feel not so dime a dozen...LOL

Oh did I mention I like humiliation play...

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 16

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/23/2006 12:26:04 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Okay I should have been a little more detailed.
I have several that serve...some get the attitude they can replace My bishop,while I love all My worms no one will ever be good enough to replace her.
Hope that helps make you feel not so dime a dozen...LOL

Oh did I mention I like humiliation play...

[/quote]

MistressSassy, that is a most wonderful comment. I thought I might get flamed on that one so I thank You for Your thoughtful, measured response.

Ok, sorry for the second detour...

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 17

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/23/2006 12:27:57 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

I've got to learn how to use these darn quote thingamajigs. DOH!

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 18

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/23/2006 4:33:25 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

It's been my experience, in years of providing pastoral care in alternative-living situations, that where any emotion is "forbidden", it actually becomes -more- prevalent. Humans are interesting beings... if they are denied something, they focus an inordinate amount of attention on the thing that they are denied.

The most effective way I've found of dealing with issues like jealousy in a newcomer to an existing relationship is to offer an opportunity to discuss the feelings, help the individual to find and deal with his or her "triggers", find ways that everyone can contribute to minimizing the triggers until he or she is able to safely express and manage the sensations without overreacting hirself, and, if the individual is unable to deal with the intensity of hir emotions and is unhappy, to make it as smooth and painless as possible to let hir move on.

If it is an established party who becomes jealous (in particular if it is to one person, where other incoming members have been tolerated well), it needs to be made clear to the newcomer that if things don't work out, that there will be a determination about which family members will re-structure. In our household, because we are so large, an established family member is always given the choice to stay and have the newcomer leave, or to move on hirself, and we cherish both parties no matter which is the case.

I have to say that, in our household, the only time we've encountered a situation where an established member had unresolveable jealousy issues was when the established member was "baited" by the newcomer. Catching the situation quickly, establishing good management procedures in dealing with everyone involved, and accepting that we, as the dominant parties, were responsible for making the decisions that would be best for our family, and then making them with compassion but without regret has kept us from having to deal with these kind of situations on a prolonged basis.

ZWD

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 19

RE: Owning More Than One Submissive - 6/23/2006 4:50:29 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

Okay I should have been a little more detailed.
I have several that serve...some get the attitude they can replace My bishop,while I love all My worms no one will ever be good enough to replace her.
Hope that helps make you feel not so dime a dozen...LOL

Oh did I mention I like humiliation play...

MistressSassy, that is a most wonderful comment. I thought I might get flamed on that one so I thank You for Your thoughtful, measured response.

Ok, sorry for the second detour...

No the only flames here come from a burning candle....
Did I mention I like wax play??

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 20

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