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Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 6:26:18 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		So in our travels as dommes we come across a variety of potential partners. Married, spank me's & the real deal. We have discussed at length how to message to get our attention, what can a sub do between the email & "ownership" to pull out the stops?

Potential keeps having to work at the last second on the day we have scheduled a meet. Was told "that's not fair" when I put a time limit on meeting face to face for coffee. At what point does "get to know you" turn into wasting time on something that's never going to happen?

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 6:56:33 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

what can a sub do between the email & "ownership" to pull out the stops
?

For me the answer is 'date me.' Plan a picnic, give me trinkets and small gifts, be interested in what I have to say and then allow me to be interested in him, don't nag me for sex or anything that involves sex or anything that is kink related. He should do every single thing he'd do with a woman he wants to date. I've gotten a few nasty emails from 'submissive' males who berate me for wanting romance and love in my life. That's not what a 'real sadistic bitch dominatrix wants.'

quote:

At what point does "get to know you" turn into wasting time on something that's never going to happen?


My comfort level decides this. There are a few things a potential partner needs to know about me, and if I don't feel comfortable enough to tell him within the first few face to face meetings/dates then it's a sure sign I'm wasting time.

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 6:59:00 PM   
RedMagic1


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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
At what point does "get to know you" turn into wasting time on something that's never going to happen?

Even people with crazy work schedules have time windows when they never work. Can he meet at 6am for coffee, or at 10pm for Shirley Temples? (Whatever's appropriate to the specific situation.) That's how I would try to resolve the situation, assuming the person had enough positive traits they made up for the crazy work hours.

To answer your question: how often would I be willing to tolerate having to cancel a real date after making plans, possibly buying tickets for something, etc.? That's the number of times I'd be willing to overlook the canceling of a first meet.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:02:14 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		At the point when you can say 'he keeps' doing one thing or another and when they have found some 'reasonable' excuse that no fair domina would be so bold as to not understand. It becomes a sealed deal when they say 'that isn't fair' because they all do. lol

Work is important but so are personal relationships. They want you to play personal with their bits... then they need to get some personal issues worked out so that it all flows and you know you are important to them and that 'we/us' are important.

Personally, I don't think it is fair any other way. Use his own fickle words to explain how unfair it is to play you with weak excuses repeatedly. I had one tell me his mother was in the hospital. Poor woman. A man that is interested will move heaven and earth to meet. A player will refuse to let an employer, ex, dog with a headache... whatever, know that nothing is stopping him from meeting this woman that could be a wonderful addition to his life. And that is the end of that.

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:06:00 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Lol is it this obvious I'm really disappointed?

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:09:31 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Lol is it this obvious I'm really disappointed?

Sorry. Actually, I don't like my answer. Here's my real answer. It would depend 99% on how the person ("she" in my world) dealt with the fact that she had to cancel. Does she act as though my blocking out time in my schedule was no big deal? Or does she say, "let me make it up to you by doing X" where X is something simple but real, like setting a new time and saying she will pay for coffee. Shit happens. Character is how we deal with it.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:32:26 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

At what point does "get to know you" turn into wasting time on something that's never going to happen?


Don't know when that point occurs with Domme's ... but i do know what i do.

Generally, unless a Lady is more than a day's drive from me, i offer dinner at the restaurant of Her choice. And i do that, not too many emails into an interaction.

i hate waiting around (even though i am the submissive).

About 50% accept the offer, and typically, it is a nice restaurant with a nice bottle of wine. How it goes from there .. well that again depends on the interaction. Particularly, as i am looking for LTR, not a play date.

Yet by the same token, i also have met for coffee, lunch, and You name it ....

If You wanted my opinion about Your potential guy though, i would say he has COLD FEET. Bordering on, i don't have the nerve to meet a real Domme! It was just a fantasy to me!

Keep looking.

If he comes around give him a look ... but not a long one!


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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:37:00 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
At what point does "get to know you" turn into wasting time on something that's never going to happen?

Even people with crazy work schedules have time windows when they never work.


That's the crux of the matter for me. If you're telling me that you can't carve out 30 minutes in an entire week to go have a coffee, then I would say that you don't have time for a relationship either.


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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:40:35 PM   
DarkSteven


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Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Was told "that's not fair" when I put a time limit on meeting face to face for coffee.



Ouch. I accept "Here's why that doesn't work for me" or "Could we try this instead?" As soon as I hear "That's not fair", I'd run. Next he'd be calling you a poopoo head.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:42:49 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


That's the crux of the matter for me. If you're telling me that you can't carve out 30 minutes in an entire week to go have a coffee, then I would say that you don't have time for a relationship either.




This exactly!



LOL

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:43:18 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Master always says, "A fair is a place where you show chickens and cows."

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:54:33 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Master always says, "A fair is a place where you show chickens and cows."

This is why the title is what it is, my response was "this is a monarchy, not fairness world"

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 7:56:56 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Was told "that's not fair" when I put a time limit on meeting face to face for coffee.



Ouch. I accept "Here's why that doesn't work for me" or "Could we try this instead?" As soon as I hear "That's not fair", I'd run. Next he'd be calling you a poopoo head.

Speaking of poo poo head, found free manure for your garden on craigs

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 9:21:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Even before there is monarchy, there is dedication. A person can be committed to the potential of what they hope to have.

When we started out, we used to have this rule that the three of us would have at least one sit down dinner a week, no matter what else was going on. On this one particular occasion, it was a royal pain in the ass for all of us. We were all working different schedules. It was a ridiculously hectic week. All three of us rearranged what was on the immediate plate just to get there. I'd pulled twelve hours that day. MP went in early and stayed late so he could get away for a lunch hour. clip did his studying for his exam at odd hours and worked his tail off so he could have a couple of hours free.

Each of us did a little bit of personal sacrifice so we could be there for a late dinner that night. Sure, it was just a pizza at a little out of the way place, but that was the night that I knew that we were all dedicated to making it work, even if we all had some inconvenience just to be at that table. Nobody bitched that it wasn't fair. It's just kind of what families do, you know?


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/17/2013 10:56:18 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

...

Potential *keeps having to* [emphasis mine] work at the last second on the day we have scheduled a meet. ... At what point does "get to know you" turn into wasting time on something that's never going to happen?



For me, the second time that happens.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie


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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/18/2013 11:33:52 AM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
...what can a sub do between the email & "ownership" to pull out the stops?


The number one thing to Me is to be consistent.

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
At what point does "get to know you" turn into wasting time on something that's never going to happen?


I am fairly laid back when it comes to meeting. I tend to plan meetings around things that I already have going on so that if they don't show or cancel then I am still doing something that I want to do and enjoy and focus on that as opposed to sitting at home and contemplating why they cancelled. Once definitive plans have been made then My expectation is that if there is a cancellation it should be promptly followed by, "I can't make it at X time, would Y be an acceptable alternative?" I don't believe there is a pat answer as to what that point is other than going with My gut. If the person has been consistent up until that point and I know that they have a hectic schedule or that they are generally a shy, awkward, or nervous person then I'm likely to be more lenient. If the person has been sketchy, inconsistent, and My gut indicates that it is likely to not go any further then I'm going to wish them well on their search.

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RE: Monarchy, not fairness world - 2/18/2013 7:33:13 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well it appears I'm a big poop head, no response to schedule or to nightly check in text means I was VERY smart not to let discussions & check in calls turn into phone sex.
Ah well at least karma filled the wank bank :(

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to xLaChienne)
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