|
AthenaSurrenders -> RE: is he the right master for me? (2/18/2013 4:25:54 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: sumissivegirl20
have been searching for a master for a short time most men see me as just sex I want a serious master/sub relationship
I have been chatting with two different doma they both ask for the same from me but have two different lifestyle how would I know which one is the one for me?
Go out on a few good old-fashioned dates. Get to know them as people. 98% of being compatible as Master/slave comes from being compatible as human beings.
Remember - No matter how great the kinky stuff is, the majority of your time together will be spend doing mundane things. Grocery shopping, watching TV, eating, cleaning the house, visiting parents. So you must enjoy being with each other.
You need to find someone who cares about you as a person. Someone who will not put you in danger - who won't risk you getting arrested by having you strip naked at a rest stop, who won't think it's ok to leave you tied up in the house alone, someone who won't expect you to wear slutty clothes and ballet boots when you go see Grandma in the nursing home.
A good rule of thumb is this: do not give someone a level of power greater than their investment in your life. As in - they shouldn't have the power to make career decisions unless they're going to financially support you if you lose your job.
TAKE YOUR TIME
D/s and M/s relationships are hard work. If you want to make it work you must put in the time to get to know each other. You should run away from anyone who wants instant submission or immediate commitment - you wouldn't agree on the first date to marry someone, right? So don't agree to become a slave.
Look for someone who is realistic. Someone who understands that rules might need to be adapted to fit in with real life. Who knows that what has worked for a past relationship might not work for this. Who knows that both of you need to learn about each other, about techniques, and about how dominance and submission affects you emotionally. It will take some time to figure out if you do best with micromanagement or more independence, punishments or no punishments, protocol or more relaxed atmosphere. I'd steer well clear of anyone who says 'it will work exactly this way from day one'. Stay away from anyone who won't discuss your concerns.
So figure out which one interests you most. Then slowly get to know them. Don't jump into obeying right away. Once you feel that he's a decent guy and there's some chemistry, start slowly. Try something, talk about it, talk some more, decide whether you need to adjust it, try that out, talk about it.... and so on, for the rest of your time together. Build up to it.
Make a list of things you want in a relationship. Divide it into two columns - 'I absolutely need this to be happy' and 'this would be nice'. Look for someone who hits everything in column one. Don't compromise on that stuff no matter how exciting the sex. Column two, just hit as many things as possible.
Remember that if someone is going to make all your decisions for you, you'd better find someone who shares similar life dreams and morals to you. Bad idea if you never want kids and he's hoping for a football team, or if he's into recreational drugs and you think that's wrong.
Also make a list of red-flags for yourself. Mine include:
- treats service people badly - shows a lack of consideration for others
- makes poor money decisions - because you don't wanna get lumbered with someone's debts
- tries to push you into doing things before you're ready - if he doesn't respect your limits to begin with, he sure as hell won't when you're tied up and have no choice.
Short version : just get to know him. There are no short cuts. If they are decent guys they won't mind you taking the time to find out about their lifestyles and see if it might work for you. If they're not, you don't wanna submit to them.
|
|
|
|
