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RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 9:25:23 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxxxxTreasurexxx

I hate to this but your name (Evil) would probably put people off even replying to this note you put up, change your name.
I'm wondering is there anyone here that is a real therapist?
Yours sincerly
Treasure



People won't even blink at his screen name......and yes, there are a few real therapists here and also a few that have degrees in psychology.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to xxxxxTreasurexxx)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 9:40:37 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with someone else who said get this checked out legally first. Get a DNA test, etc.

Then, if the results are that it is your child, I would definitely recommend a therapist.

This actually happened to someone I know.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 11:45:49 AM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		FR--
Yes, there are people on CM who are "real" therapists, lol...

And yes, some therapists have late hours for people who can't take off work to come in 9-5.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 4:40:22 PM   
anaturalsubmiss


Posts: 49
Joined: 12/26/2012
Status: offline 		It's all so very sad.

(in reply to Notsweet)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 6:45:42 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I can't imagine most therapists being shocked by the fact that you're kinky. Call and do phone interviews first to make sure they are knowledgeable about your problems.

But if you liking to be tied up and covered with cool whip doesn't cause you any problems the other 23 hours of the day, then it isn't something you should be wasting a therapy hour on.

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(in reply to thracia)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 8:43:52 PM   
xxevilxx


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your replies, have a meeting this week with legal to figure it out.

Let me ask, is it guilty if I don't want anything to do with this child once I figure that out? Since she is apparently married with a second child already, If I pay my way, and just walk away is there a harm in that? I know it sucks but this girl already has a step father, so made it crazy for me to go through this.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 8:53:13 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxevilxx

Thank you all for your replies, have a meeting this week with legal to figure it out.

Let me ask, is it guilty if I don't want anything to do with this child once I figure that out? Since she is apparently married with a second child already, If I pay my way, and just walk away is there a harm in that? I know it sucks but this girl already has a step father, so made it crazy for me to go through this.


Grow the fuck up!  If you had sex with the baby-momma, then you need to accept the responsibility of the possible consequence----  and in the future use a condom!!!!   OR, practice celibacy..........

< Message edited by catize -- 2/19/2013 8:54:31 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to xxevilxx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 9:23:01 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		What Catize said. I mean, really. If you're the father, take responsibility. Then again if you are such a dickhead, then the mom may not want you around the child anyway but you will still have to pay for that child until that child is an adult unless you decide to be a deadbeat dad. If that's the case, better hide well because they will find you and you will pay.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 9:32:18 PM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		If the child has been raised by another man all this time, chances are he would be interested in adoption. I would certainly ask Mom if this is the case. An adoption cannot happen without the biological father relinquishing his rights, but I can't imagine that anyone would fault you for signing adoption papers.

 In any case, you definitely need a paternity test, and an attorney. You need the attorney RIGHT NOW. Do not accept any test that's been done without your participation. DO NOT make any payment whatsoever to the mother UNTIL YOU SPEAK WITH AN ATTORNEY.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: seeking therapist - 2/19/2013 9:33:24 PM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		And no, I'm not an attorney.
Google "men's rights" attorney in your area. Right now.

(in reply to Notsweet)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: seeking therapist - 2/20/2013 8:20:26 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxevilxx

Thank you all for your replies, have a meeting this week with legal to figure it out.

Let me ask, is it guilty if I don't want anything to do with this child once I figure that out? Since she is apparently married with a second child already, If I pay my way, and just walk away is there a harm in that? I know it sucks but this girl already has a step father, so made it crazy for me to go through this.


Grow the fuck up!  If you had sex with the baby-momma, then you need to accept the responsibility of the possible consequence----  and in the future use a condom!!!!   OR, practice celibacy..........


He said that he would pay the child support. You might want to aim some of that vitriol towards the mother for waiting 6 years to tell the father.

Honestly, at this point, the child has lived without him for 5 years. The child has a stepfather that she most likely regards as her father. The mother doesn't seem like she's making the best decisions when it comes to the father of her child. Re-introducing the father at this point would be very confusing and if the mother decides to remove the father again, it will cause more damage.

OP, I don't think you're horrible for not wanting to be involved in the life of someone you don't know. You will need to speak to the Mother and see what she envisions as your role in the child's life. Since the girl is 5, it's very possible that she's contacting you to so that the step father can adopt the little girl.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: seeking therapist - 2/20/2013 8:29:12 AM   
cordeliasub


Posts: 528
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		As someone who IS adopted, if you are willing to take care of any financial responsibilities (if this IS your child) I actually applaud you for not wanting to disrupt this child's life who likely already sees this step dad as Daddy. But yes, definitely seek legal counsel and insist on your OWN testing.


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: seeking therapist - 2/20/2013 9:18:16 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		OP,
I saw a therapist for years.
She wasn't "kink friendly" she was, however; open minded and far from judgmental.
She still had the same guidelines as a kink friendly one.

As far as the evening (late night sessions).
Many therapist offer evening and even weekend sessions.

As far as your situation.
I agree DNA test immediately then YOU file in with your local child support division. If you wait you may be required to pay past child support.

Good luck.

ETA: I think if this child is proven to be yours I personally would take issue with the mother for not telling you that you had a child. THAT is an extremely selfish thing to do. It's not about her, you or the man playing daddy. It's about the child. What if she wants to know who her biological father is? What if you want away and she resents you for it later? Can you deal with that??

There are ways to allow a child get familiar and comfortable with an astranged child. No child can have to much love or support. So to ME that is the best avenue.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 2/20/2013 9:27:11 AM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to xxevilxx)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: seeking therapist - 2/20/2013 4:17:56 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		She is not here, I'd yell at her too for having unprotected sex, for not telling the putative father for years, for using the child to get money, etc etc  etc.

< Message edited by catize -- 2/20/2013 4:19:57 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: seeking therapist - 2/20/2013 4:42:33 PM   
breagha


Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline 		this happened to a friend of mine. the child was 3 at the time though. he wanted to be part of her life and the mother said no, that she was married and her husband was considered her father. In their case once the adoption was finalized my friend would have no legal right. he doesn't have to pay child support because the adoptive father assumes financial responsibility in a legal way. i don't know if that would be a state to state varied law. or if it was just that judges ruling.

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: seeking therapist - 2/20/2013 9:04:28 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		If its your kid & there is a "dad figure" then assumption of adoption makes sense. BUT it seems the conversation would have gone "you have a kid & need you to sign these releasing responsibility so she can be adopted by step dad". I mean if she's hitting you with bricks might as well get the whole house on the table.

Assuming this is the scenario...yes wanting nothing to do with her is douchy. Yes mom is a whack-a-do for waiting this long. Yes the kid will be harmed both by you dropping in & by finding out you didn't even try to fight for her. My strong suggestion is a journal document conversations, emails, lawyer stuff & how you feel about it. Use this info to write a letter to her.
Dear ___, I was so suprised to discover you exsist. Your mom told me on __date when you were 6 years old. Enclosed is a picture of me & my family. I think you look most like___ (insert interesting family history here)
You may wonder why I gave you up & didn't interrupt your life when I found out. Its because mom said (insert step dad) was good to you & I didn't want to confuse you. Please know I did what I thought was best. I hope some day you will agree.

So something along those lines. At some point it will be a question or she will track you down, so keep your own sealed dated copy of the letter.

Hopefully this will be something less dramatic than a money grab. Ask attorney if your state allows support payments to be held in trust if moms motives are in question. Even if you give her up "the right thing" could include signing her away but setting up a trust, funny thing is old money has ways of making "he didn't want me" seem less damaging

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to breagha)
Profile   Post #: 36
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