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myotherself -> RE: Domme-- reward for her slave? (2/20/2013 10:09:43 AM)
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ORIGINAL: onurkneesnbeg
I tend to agree with the idea that the reward needs to be non-sexual in nature.
Why? What's wrong with doing something that the sub really enjoys as a treat, every now and then? I don't see any harm in it at all.
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I don't believe that sex is a reward per se, rather it is a necessary facet in both the Dom and sub's lives.
I know a number of D/s relationships where no sex is involved, or the sub is in chastity. So the physical act of sex is not necessary or, in some cases, wanted.
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If anything, I feel that it would undermine the dynamic between the two interested parties if from the onset of the relationship, there was a clear give/take, action/reward standard, even if it is only implicit.
Then it's up to the dom to set the tone of the relationship. If the dominant allows the sub to control the relationship by starting off using a bartering system to get what they want, then s/he isn't much of a dom/me IMO. The power is either there or it's not.
Having said that, Master gives me treats every now and then. I know that they're treats, and I usually know why I'm getting them - usually because I've gone "above and beyond" in something, or he feels I'm having a tough time with work/family/health and he wants to make me happy. Or sometimes just because he's in a good mood and wants to share that with me.
Sometimes I opt for the kind of play I adore, followed by the kind of sex that makes my toes tingle. He is a sadist so he will usually do play that HE wants but I don't really like, although I love the fact that he gets off on what he does to me [8D] Just sometimes I want a different kind of play/sex and he's kind enough to permit me, every now and then when he chooses.
That doesn't make him less Masterful. It makes him a wonderful Master who, every now and then, shows his slave how much he appreciates and loves her.
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That being said, personally, I like rewarding subs with something a little more covertly self-serving. For instance, I would arrange for a full treatment at a spa (body scrub, massage, facial, mani/pedi). She looks awesome so I feel awesome and she feels awesome because she looks awesome wins for everyone involved!
For me, I'd hate that. I hate impersonal massages and body treatments, and woe betide anyone who touches my feet! lol The reward needs to be tailored to the recipient, or it's not much of a reward. And I can promise you, after spending an afternoon or evening with me, giving me the kind of play and sex that I love, Master will also feel pretty damn good afterwards too!
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