Being a Good Dom?

Being a Good Dom? (Full Version)

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firestarter93 -> Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 6:09:11 AM)
In the past I've never been able to be the Dom that women in past relationships wanted. I've had a problem showing authority. What are some suggestions?

LafayetteLady -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 6:29:57 AM)
First you have to figure out why you have trouble showing authority. Then you need to look at these past partners. Not all doms are the domly dom authoritarian type. There are many ways to lead. Perhaps you are choosing women that you aren't compatible with and who are looking for a style of dominance that is not your style.

myotherself -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 6:31:10 AM)
Find different women? Not all women want the same style of dominance. Be selective and make sure you have similar goals before you start the D/s stuff. It might also be an idea to elaborate on what you mean by 'having problems showing authority'. If it's because you don't like shouting and yelling, don't be a shouty yelly dominant or go out with subs who want/need shouty yelly dominants. Or if it's a problem telling someone what to do and then following up to make sure it's done to your satisfaction, maybe you're just not cut out to be dominant. We really need more info if we are to help.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 6:34:10 AM)
This is a very excellent question and I applaud you for asking it. It's my opinion that authority stems from two basics: natural leadership ability, and the self confidence that comes from knowing and mastering yourself. If you weren't blessed with natural leadership ability, you can still learn leadership techniques. It may take you longer to apply these techniques, but the info is out there for you to acquire, so that's step one. Step two is much harder, gaining the self confidence that comes from knowing and mastering yourself. I suggest you being this journey by signing up for martial arts lessons, and take the time to learn the philosophy behind them. There are no easy steps to becoming a great dominant, but if you are truly motivated, you can accomplish this goal in time.

DarkSteven -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 6:52:29 AM)
You might wanna check into Daddy Dom/little girl interactions.

firestarter93 -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 7:32:13 AM)
Where do I find that

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 8:12:14 AM)
~FRing it~ You may not have been the "right dom" for those women of past relationships, but I dont think that means you arent a good dominant in general. While you might not have been "good" for them, there may very well be someone out there who you are perfect for. The others have given you great advice on how to begin your journey, so there isnt much to add with the exception of this: Embrace YOUR dominance and grow within it. Be true to yourself. Dont try to adopt qualities that just arent you because you might think those are qualities a dominant should have. There is no one true way as far as dominance goes. Find your way.

DarkSteven -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 8:13:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firestarter93 Where do I find that Google is a good place to start.

OsideGirl -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 10:08:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firestarter93 Where do I find that Seriously, you need to take some initiative. If you're not willing to put in the effort and have everything handed to you.....part of the problem becomes glaringly obvious.

Level -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 10:42:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firestarter93 In the past I've never been able to be the Dom that women in past relationships wanted. I've had a problem showing authority. What are some suggestions? What is it about being a dominant that you are drawn to?

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 2:26:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firestarter93 Where do I find that Fetlife.com has some good groups: Daddy Doms and baby girls Daddy ~ girl Relationships Daddy Dominants Daddy Doms and Their Little Submissive Girls West Michigan Bigs and Littles This is a start.

Kaliko -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 4:48:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven You might wanna check into Daddy Dom/little girl interactions. I'm curious. Why would that specifically help him?

theRose4U -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 6:23:42 PM)
Daddy doms are much less...domly? Interactions are more affectionate control & limits than strict protocol & discipline

littlewonder -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 7:33:01 PM)
Why do you think you are a Dom? Before I give advice, I would need to know what is it that makes you tick.

DarkSteven -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 9:16:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven You might wanna check into Daddy Dom/little girl interactions. I'm curious. Why would that specifically help him? I get the sense that his women are saying he's not that strict and tough. Daddy Doms IMO are more cuddly, etc., than many other Doms.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/21/2013 11:20:38 PM)
I tried to lead him into telling us a bit more, but apparently, that isn't going to happen. So I guess we should just say, if you are a dom, go be a dom. If you are doing it wrong, buy a book and stop bothering us if you can't give us enough info to help you beyond telling us previous partners didn't like your style. Although as Oside pointed out, so far he has already shown why he isn't such a good dom. Not initiative, no follow through.

DV1970 -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/22/2013 8:51:19 AM)
As a general rule, for the OP as well as everyone else, I think it's important to figure out who you are in this lifestyle. What kind of Dom or sub you are. That takes time and experience. You have to know what you like and don't like and what you have to offer before you can be something for someone else. It's vital that your bdsm personality matches up well with prospective partners. If it doesn't, then it will never work. Know who you are and have confidence in that. Never try to be someone you're not because of someone else. IT's just an act and will never last.

Kana -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/22/2013 2:56:59 PM)
Get some authority. It's on sale cheap at Target.

JeffBC -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/23/2013 7:46:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: firestarter93 In the past I've never been able to be the Dom that women in past relationships wanted. I've had a problem showing authority. What are some suggestions? Find different women.

Maruhatsune -> RE: Being a Good Dom? (2/23/2013 1:42:20 PM)
well for starters, start off with a very confident and strong demeanor. you don't act like a tough, evil, violent dom in order to show authority. all it takes to start is a bit of certainty.

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