RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI?

RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (Full Version)

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Aynne88 -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/23/2013 9:26:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Everyone that tries to help TFTB is just emptying their efforts into a void. I used to try too, and have just given up. It'll never go anywhere. Over the years I've been here she's had the money for, or wanted to use it for, custom made clothing, Etsy stuff, craft supplies, animals, prepared food, drinks, costumes, housecleaning, etc....that's just the things I can remember right now, there are more. There are always questions for help, then the help is immediately tossed aside for some excuse or another; or it may take a small amount of time, but it all ends up being abandoned because it takes consistent effort and a constant cracking down on what she wants vs what she should do. This crisis will fade off and a new one will take it's place in time. Along the way she'll have the same endless excuses for not following through on whatever the flavor of the day question is. She's got her issues, as do we all. Yet most of us learn to delay our gratification and grow up long enough to get somewhere and stop falling into the bottomless pit of self-gratification. Life is hard. Yes, we do all make mistakes, but there is a time where if the mistakes are still happening, that it's time to stop using that as yet another excuse and get your act together. The food threads seem almost masturbatory to me. She starts them consistently. Mostly it's excuses that come out of them, once in a while she'll try something and after a week or two is back to what she was doing before. It's always so important to her that she likes what she likes, and she is completely resistant to change, but wants everyone to give her the magic spell that will change plain water into something she considers "tasty" or make healthy food taste like the processed stuff that she'd rather eat. I'd like that magic too. It doesn't exist. So she goes back to her old eating habits (if indeed she ever left them behind) spending money along the way on things like trying all different kinds of drinks to spare her from drinking water. She says it tastes nasty, well.....tough shit. It's free. You know, I've been dead broke with a child to raise and I did a lot of things that I didn't like, eaten a lot of things that tasted nasty in order to get us through those times. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. Somehow though, TFTB never does. She's always looking for the magic spell and when it doesn't come, she keeps on giving in to whatever her heart desires instead because it's hard forcing yourself to do whatever it is that you don't want to do. Why should she or anyone else buy into the idea that because she's got certain hardships physically, mentally, emotionally, it gives her permanent special exemptions in life? Will that EVER get her anywhere? Everyone has their own problems, I'm sure hers are very difficult, but she constantly stops short of really making any effort to get things together. I hope this current problem resolves itself, I hope she learns the value of telling herself no. I don't really have any hope that anything will change, which is a shame. This times a million.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/23/2013 10:26:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Not only that, but it the amount is cumulative, and even if it doesn't meet the requirements to IRS (but like you said, it does), that isn't the same requirement for reporting to the SSA for her son's SSI, which is equally needs based. The difference is that when one person doesn't want their situation to be fraud it isn't. Not to mention, I believe there is some pro domming in there as well, which is certainly a pay for play, or "gifts for consideration" type situation. How do you know the amount I get from finslaves and that it meets the requirements? Oh wait you don't? How do you know that I don't report my income to SSA? Oh wait you don't. The reality is LL is you don't know shit about what I do and don't do and you def. have no idea about my finances. You are throwing out some wild unfounded statements. Some people actually do the right thing, simply because you think otherwise doesn't make it so. edited bc my primary asked me why I was defending myself to someone's wild ass accusations about me.

erieangel -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/23/2013 10:32:50 PM)
quote: They keep 25 dollars of the 259 they take. And my credit score will recover. It is the risk you take of entering any program when you're in over your head . Also after a certain amount of time, 3 months on care one they may get some portion of my debts forgiven. Wow. You are more deeply in debt than I was. If I had gone on CareOne, my payments would have been less than $200 but they would have kept about $50 of that. My payee managed to pay off all my credit card debt plus my club memberships in only 18 months-without having any of the debt forgiven. She did this by calling the companies and having me cancel the cards (why do you want them open anyway?) and making payment arrangements of $15 a month. I stated that was deeply in debt and without income and could not afford anything more than that. Some of the companies said that they could not accept fewer than x amount (an amount more than what I was offering) but my payee told me it didn't matter, they would be happy with what they got and they would have no recourse so long as I was paying something each month. My payee then started with the lower balances and paid them off in short order within a month or 2 for each card. The cards with higher balances got the $15 a month until the lower balances were paid off and then those cards one by one were paid off with installments of $100-$150 at a time. I tend to become extremely financially unstable in times of stress and also, more so when I am manic. At one time, I bounced checks all over this county and didn't have checking account for 15 years afterward because I didn't trust myself. To this day, I still don't order check, but use only my debit card, which is set to block any purchases for which I can not cover with money in the account. I spent 5 days in jail over a holiday weekend when my kids were small for those bounced checks and I vowed to never let that happen again. The first thing I did when I got out of jail was call the social services agency that offers representative payee services. At first they told me I didn't a payee, so I fought for one. It is 15 years later. I am now off SSI, have largely recovered and often teach others how to manage their own money, work full time and am STILL in that payee service. It costs the Erie County Office of Mental Health and Mental Retardation $500 a year to provide that service to me. They consider it money well spent because without it I may not be able to manage my money well enough to pay my own bills, I may not get my property taxes, insurances, school taxes or utilities paid. And I may just forget my vow not to bounce checks again, land myself in jail again, where it costs much more than $500 to house me for those meager 5 days--even though they did serve me green bologna sandwiches. There are also payee services that charge nominal fees. I know people on SSI and SSDI who pay for services and pay as little as $34-$50 a month. The payee, like mine, provides them with a strict weekly allowance, a quarterly clothing allowance, socks a little away into savings each month (I'm on a 5-week allowance, so my entire allowance goes into savings every month that I get only 4 checks) And according to my son, the cap on savings for SSI recipients who have payees is doubled because the payees are so good at managing the money and ensuring the recipients needs are met.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/23/2013 10:52:30 PM)
Erieangel, I too spend to much when manic. Shopping is also the one joy in my life outside of eating that I really have. I feel so good, so happy, so on a high, then I realize that I have just clubbed any progress I had made in working myself out of my hole to death. I actually do believe I have a shopping addiction. I sent you a pm.

LafayetteLady -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/23/2013 11:11:53 PM)
Sounds like I hit a nerve.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/23/2013 11:14:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Sounds like I hit a nerve. Nope. Sounds like you are making wild accusations to me. When in truth you don't know shit. I obviously hit a nerve with you with my response to TFB.

jlf1961 -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/23/2013 11:21:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom Erieangel, I too spend to much when manic. Shopping is also the one joy in my life outside of eating that I really have. I feel so good, so happy, so on a high, then I realize that I have just clubbed any progress I had made in working myself out of my hole to death. I actually do believe I have a shopping addiction. I sent you a pm. A manic run sometimes manifests itself in spending to excess on items that are not needed or even wanted. I am type two bipolar, manic episodes are manifested by reckless behavior, not sleeping and sometimes reckless spending. I am lucky in that I do not have angry or violent manic episodes, but during manic runs I tend to find stupid stuff funny. My depressive runs from mild to severe, mild manifesting in isolating, sleeping most of the day, refusal to take meds (which of course deepens the depressive cycle) interacting with only my dogs and not family, and ultimately in suicidal thoughts, and a few times on unsuccessful suicide attempts, due to unforeseen visits of family or a friend I hadnt seen in years who then call for medical assistance. Thinking back, I would say that my recklessness in tight situations while in the army could be referred to as attempted suicide. Any way topping, if counseling is available use it. And talk to your care provider about mood stabilizers, there are a few with minimal side effects. I actually got lucky, the new assistant priest in my parish happens to have doctorates in, divinity, medicine and psychology, he works in the local all faith medical mission and he sees me twice a week, he and the local state mental health agency which handles my meds and social programs for my medicare and stuff work pretty good together. Off meds I am unpredictable in my manic runs and dangerous to myself in a deep depression. Everyone in the house makes sure I take my meds, and I rarely forget them. The only times I do is in the morning when something upsets my routine.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/23/2013 11:38:47 PM)
Yup, oncs on a manic high I only got like 3 hours of sleep in 3 days. I wont/ cant sleep till I pass out

LadyPact -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 12:39:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady The thing about whether she is committing fraud is that she is, and she isn't. Most people living as a "couple" have shared expenses, possibly even a joint account somewhere. Yes, they share a bed, but they don't share expenses, each pays their fair share, which is the same as roommates. However, I do agree that James' inability to support himself or deal with his own issues isn't SSA's problem, nor should it be hers. I think the SS lawyer she spoke with may have seen the situation the same as I mention above. This part is truly a lack of understanding psychology on your part, I'm sorry to say: That bolded part is completely incorrect. Past abuse can most definitely cause those types of issues, as can other multiple psychological issues. Yes, a therapist can help, but many people without TFB's contributing issues NEVER overcome those problems either through therapy or medication or a combination of the two. Some people also take steps when they have targeted social problems and find solutions. When a person seems to be asked not to return to various types of group activities because they won't leave the other participants alone, a good suggestion is to set a time limit to conversation. Spend no more than ten minutes with any one particular person and when that time is up, you talk to somebody else, rather than trying to monopolize anyone's time who will listen. Golden rule: When the person walks away from you, don't follow them. Violating other people's personal space? Keep a specific distance away from other people (a couple of feet) unless specifically ASKED to come closer. Don't touch other people without their consent. If we were talking about a guy doing these things at the local kink group, rather than a female, there wouldn't be a person on this board that wouldn't support the host of such events telling the person they weren't invited back. Past abuse just doesn't give a free pass on those kinds of things. quote: Saying that she simply needs a kick in the ass would be great if this were a mentally stable, completely mentally capable adult. She is not. If all most of these people needed was a simple kick in the ass, then there would be a lot fewer people with mental health issues. Now here is the really important part of all this. Yes, you can see that she is in a shit load of trouble when her parents are no longer on this earth. I don't think many people can't see that. Here is the reality. TFB is not a functioning adult. She should not be able to take care of her own finances, and she should really have been deemed incompetent by the system. I mean no offense to TFB at all. She really is like a big hearted, kind child. But she really doesn't have the necessary skills to live independently in an adult world. Sadly, why she isn't in a group home is because her parents are willing to take her in. The system doesn't care whether they can adequately provide for all her issues, just that she doesn't need to be in a state funded group home. So yes, when her parents are gone, she is going to be in a shit load of trouble. As for her being the same as she was when she first joined...I have to differ with you there. I remember when she first joined. She couldn't form a coherent statement and her sentence structure and spelling were abhorrent. From where I sit, she still doesn't function beyond a junior high school level, if that, but she has come a long way. Since the writing of this post, there has been another entry on the thread by the OP. Without taking up too much time, it basically says that when manic, she blows money on frivolous crap. It makes her feel better to buy things. If there was ever a situation where somebody should cut up their credit cards and only have a certain amount of cash on hand, this is it. There are definitely some impulse control problems here. Hey, here's a funny thought on a kink site. How about giving some of that control to the other adults in her life? Maybe Dad (the real father) would be willing to hold the purse strings so the mismanagement of money can be reduced or eliminated. The problems in social situations? Why can't James step up to the plate and give gentle reminders when it's obvious that the repeated mistakes are being made at munches and kink events? He doesn't have to be her Dominant for that. Just her companion. Even if we went so far as to say there is only a junior high school mentality here, there are certain acceptable parameters of responsibility that can be managed. There isn't a JV football player that doesn't understand that if they don't attend practice and keep their grades up that they don't get to play in games. For the OP, that could equate to going back to group therapy to continue to work on her social skills and working on another area that interests her that is educational. I'd probably also suggest limiting the internet time because it's seriously crossing into the territory of being a crutch. I'd even go one step further. Learning that "I don't want to" is not a valid excuse.

LafayetteLady -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 2:38:20 AM)
The nerve is the "I'm holier than thou and live and my situation is beyond reproach." It's a bit nauseating. It's also rather interesting that you say that your degree was focused on special education, yet you are unable to recognize certain issues. I'm frankly surprised that it has completely escaped your notice how many markers for autism she has.

LafayetteLady -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 2:59:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Past abuse just doesn't give a free pass on those kinds of things. I agree, no free pass. I said that it could be a cause. For the record, I don't care if you are on the extreme end of the autism spectrum, you don't get a free pass. It means that someone must be with you at all times when in public to keep you from invading other people's personal space. quote: Since the writing of this post, there has been another entry on the thread by the OP. Without taking up too much time, it basically says that when manic, she blows money on frivolous crap. It makes her feel better to buy things. If there was ever a situation where somebody should cut up their credit cards and only have a certain amount of cash on hand, this is it. There are definitely some impulse control problems here. Hey, here's a funny thought on a kink site. How about giving some of that control to the other adults in her life? Maybe Dad (the real father) would be willing to hold the purse strings so the mismanagement of money can be reduced or eliminated. I would go so far as to say that she should be deemed incompetent to care for herself, and I believe said so earlier. She is completely unable to control her impulses, and her level of functioning is not very high. But again, the "system" tends to figure that as long as mom and dad let her live there, it isn't their problem. Therapists aren't quick to want to put a patient in that position, but I do believe it is necessary. However, I'm afraid that all that would be accomplished if her parents were made her guardians would be that her finances would be monitored, and really she needs much more than that. I think we can agree there. She needs someone who will properly monitor not only her spending, but her eating, her diet and her activities so that she can make the most progress possible. quote: The problems in social situations? Why can't James step up to the plate and give gentle reminders when it's obvious that the repeated mistakes are being made at munches and kink events? He doesn't have to be her Dominant for that. Just her companion. Ok, well it is not obvious to me that these repeated mistakes are being made at munches or kink events, but it doesn't really matter where they are made. I have told TFB that James is a waste of her time and bad for her on many levels. Honestly, if any man with basic level functioning were involved, it would be abuse, but he isn't able to function, and doesn't want to. I've little doubt he, at least subconsciously, does not want her to progress past him and see how irrelevant and damaging he is to her life. quote: Even if we went so far as to say there is only a junior high school mentality here, there are certain acceptable parameters of responsibility that can be managed. There isn't a JV football player that doesn't understand that if they don't attend practice and keep their grades up that they don't get to play in games. For the OP, that could equate to going back to group therapy to continue to work on her social skills and working on another area that interests her that is educational. I'd probably also suggest limiting the internet time because it's seriously crossing into the territory of being a crutch. I'd even go one step further. Learning that "I don't want to" is not a valid excuse. That's all fine and dandy, although I was being generous with the junior high thing. But who is going to put those things in place for her? James? Doubtful. Her parents? Well, with the financial issues, sure. The dietary needs though? Her mother is completely ill equipped there. I believe returning to group therapy would be a great thing. But I also believe that she is in need of a complete re-evaluation of her issues so that she can be properly treated. My experience with these things is that her therapists, SSA and everyone else involved in her care are all acting on psychological diagnoses that are many years old.

myotherself -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 3:21:02 AM)
Has TFTB not got a diagnosis for a learning disability? I teach special ed and I'm currently studying for a Masters degree in special needs education, and from what I've seen on here she seems very emotionally vulnerable and immature and some of her affect sounds very autistic spectrum to me too. I do apologise to TFTB if I sound patronising, but really that's not my aim. I'm just puzzled that any half-decent mental health specialist hasn't at least tested for ASD. I know she's diagnosed bipolar, but people with ASD often have other conditions too. For example, I have an ASD student who also has ADHD. I have another who has OCD. All have what we call a 'global learning delay', which includes a lack of emotional maturity. In simple terms, I have two 13 year old boys who are learning at about the same intellectual level as 6 year olds, and have the emotional maturity to match. This sounds a lot like TFTB. Although the advice given on her has been good (I'm a great fan of 'tough love' myself), this is like telling a 10 year old girl to manage her finances, eat healthily and behave appropriately with adults. They might be able to do it for a while, but eventually they'll relapse back to being little girls again. The adults in her life really need to step up and take on a 'parenting' role. She needs to have someone manage the 'big' finances (the cc bills, utilities etc) while she deals with the 'little' finances (buying small personal items, for example). Hopefully in time she'll be able to take on increasing amounts of responsibility, but at the moment she isn't capable of doing it. I know it's not a great deal of help to TFTB, but I hope she gets the support she needs, if only to get that money under control and take some of the pressure off.

NotSoNormalGuy -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 4:02:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself ... I'm currently studying for a Masters degree ... ...and some of her affect sounds very autistic spectrum to me too. ... Please send me a link to the university that will give me a Master's Degree without any requirement that I learn how to write. NSNG

NotSoNormalGuy -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 4:04:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Past abuse just doesn't give a free pass on those kinds of things. I agree, no free pass. I said that it could be a cause. For the record, I don't care if you are on the extreme end of the autism spectrum, you don't get a free pass. It means that someone must be with you at all times when in public to keep you from invading other people's personal space. quote: Since the writing of this post, there has been another entry on the thread by the OP. Without taking up too much time, it basically says that when manic, she blows money on frivolous crap. It makes her feel better to buy things. If there was ever a situation where somebody should cut up their credit cards and only have a certain amount of cash on hand, this is it. There are definitely some impulse control problems here. Hey, here's a funny thought on a kink site. How about giving some of that control to the other adults in her life? Maybe Dad (the real father) would be willing to hold the purse strings so the mismanagement of money can be reduced or eliminated. I would go so far as to say that she should be deemed incompetent to care for herself, and I believe said so earlier. She is completely unable to control her impulses, and her level of functioning is not very high. But again, the "system" tends to figure that as long as mom and dad let her live there, it isn't their problem. Therapists aren't quick to want to put a patient in that position, but I do believe it is necessary. However, I'm afraid that all that would be accomplished if her parents were made her guardians would be that her finances would be monitored, and really she needs much more than that. I think we can agree there. She needs someone who will properly monitor not only her spending, but her eating, her diet and her activities so that she can make the most progress possible. quote: The problems in social situations? Why can't James step up to the plate and give gentle reminders when it's obvious that the repeated mistakes are being made at munches and kink events? He doesn't have to be her Dominant for that. Just her companion. Ok, well it is not obvious to me that these repeated mistakes are being made at munches or kink events, but it doesn't really matter where they are made. I have told TFB that James is a waste of her time and bad for her on many levels. Honestly, if any man with basic level functioning were involved, it would be abuse, but he isn't able to function, and doesn't want to. I've little doubt he, at least subconsciously, does not want her to progress past him and see how irrelevant and damaging he is to her life. quote: Even if we went so far as to say there is only a junior high school mentality here, there are certain acceptable parameters of responsibility that can be managed. There isn't a JV football player that doesn't understand that if they don't attend practice and keep their grades up that they don't get to play in games. For the OP, that could equate to going back to group therapy to continue to work on her social skills and working on another area that interests her that is educational. I'd probably also suggest limiting the internet time because it's seriously crossing into the territory of being a crutch. I'd even go one step further. Learning that "I don't want to" is not a valid excuse. That's all fine and dandy, although I was being generous with the junior high thing. But who is going to put those things in place for her? James? Doubtful. Her parents? Well, with the financial issues, sure. The dietary needs though? Her mother is completely ill equipped there. I believe returning to group therapy would be a great thing. But I also believe that she is in need of a complete re-evaluation of her issues so that she can be properly treated. My experience with these things is that her therapists, SSA and everyone else involved in her care are all acting on psychological diagnoses that are many years old. Very well said LafayetteLady. +1

LadyPact -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 4:11:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NotSoNormalGuy Please send me a link to the university that will give me a Master's Degree without any requirement that I learn how to write. NSNG Awwwww...... Come on, dude. You could have done so much better than that. Why pick on a poor, defenseless bunny when I am so much the easier target?

myotherself -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 4:20:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NotSoNormalGuy quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself ... I'm currently studying for a Masters degree ... ...and some of her affect sounds very autistic spectrum to me too. ... Please send me a link to the university that will give me a Master's Degree without any requirement that I learn how to write. NSNG So I missed off an apostrophe? And that was worth a post all on it's own? As for the other sentence - yes, it is grammatically correct. A patient's 'affect' is how they present themselves. It's common terminology to those who work in the mental health services. You're coming across as being a rather judgmental fool. You might want to watch that.

Aileen1968 -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 4:32:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself quote: ORIGINAL: NotSoNormalGuy quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself ... I'm currently studying for a Masters degree ... ...and some of her affect sounds very autistic spectrum to me too. ... Please send me a link to the university that will give me a Master's Degree without any requirement that I learn how to write. NSNG So I missed off an apostrophe? And that was worth a post all on it's own? As for the other sentence - yes, it is grammatically correct. A patient's 'affect' is how they present themselves. It's common terminology to those who work in the mental health services. You're coming across as being a rather judgmental fool. You might want to watch that. The bunny will get you...

myotherself -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 4:38:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 The bunny will get you... LOL - that's funny Aileen! [:D] Although to be honest, I deal with much, much more creative insults every day - you can't work with disaffected and disengaged teenagers and avoid it! I don't know why this particular dude decided it was more important to try (and fail) to humiliate a complete stranger than actually post something of relevance to the thread, but I guess this glorious world of ours is full of people who can only feel good about themselves by trying to belittle others. It's mostly sad, and a just little bit silly.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 4:48:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady The nerve is the "I'm holier than thou and live and my situation is beyond reproach." It's a bit nauseating. It's also rather interesting that you say that your degree was focused on special education, yet you are unable to recognize certain issues. I'm frankly surprised that it has completely escaped your notice how many markers for autism she has. I could say that to ME you appear to have a holier than thou attitude yourself. shrugs Btw... I can't control how you or anyone choose to perceive me or my posts. Again you make assumptions. Simply because I refuse to diagnose someone via their posts on an online forum doesn't mean anything, nor do I think a diagnoses of autism (or anything else) means they get a free pass. I understand that you go onto say in your post to LP that you don't think it should mean someone should get a free pass.

Level -> RE: If I report that James lives with me, can they count his income against what i can make on SSI? (2/24/2013 6:03:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NotSoNormalGuy quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself ... I'm currently studying for a Masters degree ... ...and some of her affect sounds very autistic spectrum to me too. ... Please send me a link to the university that will give me a Master's Degree without any requirement that I learn how to write. NSNG Aww, come on, buddy, if you're going to troll, you gotta be tight. Tight! Your post? Loose. Looser than Liberace's closet door. Remember, tight!

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