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Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/23/2013 12:17:16 AM

alphaminuz

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/14/2012
Status: offline

Hello

I was wondering if you as a Mistress look at the relationship with your submissive/slave as just a D/s relationship or also as involved in the vanilla sense in conjunction with the D/s life style? Why?

Personally I seek both so I can feel fulfilled in both aspects

Humbly

alpha-

Post #: 1

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/23/2013 1:07:54 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm a little confused by the phrasing of your question so I'm going to give this a shot in the dark.

We've gone through various phases. We started as play partners. Then we moved to a service based D/s dynamic. What I mean by that is it wasn't based on emotional attachment where most folks do the dating/romance thing. By the time that I collared him, the emotional attachment grew but it didn't have a romantic component. About three years after he was collared to Me, our dynamic was better reflected by using the term M/s, rather than D/s. I base that on how much authority, power, and control I had over his life by that time. (Everybody's standard on that is different.) Included in this is the particular type of household that I run, which is a leather/high protocol mix that is poly. (The poly part means there are three of us in the household.)

If you are asking about vanilla activities, even I'm not so rigid that none of those happen around here. I mean, he's always My slave, even if we're just watching tv. We don't turn the power exchange on and off, so it's always there, no matter what we're doing.

I don't know if I hit the target in answering your question. If I missed and you'd like to clarify, I'll try again.

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(in reply to alphaminuz)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/23/2013 4:23:20 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

I agree with LP your wording is a bit confusing, but I will give it a shot.

Although the dynamics between my primary and my sub/slaves are different in many ways they are the same. The power exchange is always there between us but we do enjoy vanilla / every day activities together. The level of vanilla interaction may vary, some of my service slaves are not looking for that.

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(in reply to alphaminuz)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/23/2013 4:41:15 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I don't establish intimate relationships with people I have no rapport with, that means we spend most of our time doing non-BDSM things.

That's my way of getting to know someone and getting inside their head, essential to me for those times when we do engage in BDSM.

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Post #: 4

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/23/2013 6:24:54 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I was wondering if you as a Mistress look at the relationship with your submissive/slave as just a D/s relationship or also as involved in the vanilla sense in conjunction with the D/s life style? Why?

Personally I seek both so I can feel fulfilled in both aspects
Humbly
alpha

I wouldn't be satisfied with a non D/s or M/s relationship, verbally stated or not. I may have never discussed power exchange within a relationship before. However, I most certainly feel it, if I am in a traditional (male dominated) relationship, and get itchy/uncomfortable in one immediatly. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 2/23/2013 6:52:07 AM >

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(in reply to alphaminuz)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/23/2013 7:58:03 AM

alphaminuz

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm a little confused by the phrasing of your question so I'm going to give this a shot in the dark.

We've gone through various phases. We started as play partners. Then we moved to a service based D/s dynamic. What I mean by that is it wasn't based on emotional attachment where most folks do the dating/romance thing. By the time that I collared him, the emotional attachment grew but it didn't have a romantic component. About three years after he was collared to Me, our dynamic was better reflected by using the term M/s, rather than D/s. I base that on how much authority, power, and control I had over his life by that time. (Everybody's standard on that is different.) Included in this is the particular type of household that I run, which is a leather/high protocol mix that is poly. (The poly part means there are three of us in the household.)

If you are asking about vanilla activities, even I'm not so rigid that none of those happen around here. I mean, he's always My slave, even if we're just watching tv. We don't turn the power exchange on and off, so it's always there, no matter what we're doing.

I don't know if I hit the target in answering your question. If I missed and you'd like to clarify, I'll try again.

Hello,

You hit it all in a nut shell thank you. I am sorry for the wording I will take a look at it and try to re word it

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/23/2013 8:05:05 AM

alphaminuz

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/14/2012
Status: offline

Hello

Thank you all for your comments.

humbly alpha-

(in reply to alphaminuz)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/24/2013 12:43:23 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alphaminuz

Hello

I was wondering if you as a Mistress look at the relationship with your submissive/slave as just a D/s relationship or also as involved in the vanilla sense in conjunction with the D/s life style? Why?

Personally I seek both so I can feel fulfilled in both aspects

Humbly

alpha-

I think you are asking whether having a D/s dynamic or a full-on romantic relationship has to be an either/or proposition. I don't think it has to be. As for me, I am looking for a dynamic/relationship that includes D/s, BDSM and kink, AND all the other so-called vanilla stuff such as love & kisses and sharing our lives with each other. I want the "whole pie" and I'm willing to wait for it with the right one.

NBMG

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(in reply to alphaminuz)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/24/2013 12:53:01 PM

alphaminuz

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/14/2012
Status: offline

NBMG

Yes I am trying to state that.

alpha-

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/24/2013 1:01:56 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

You do realize, I hope, that male submissives/slaves and their Mistresses fall in love, get married, and have families. They go to the movies with friends. They have backyard BBQs. The decorate the tree at Christmas time. They cook dinner. They clean house. They work. They pay bills.

As to why they do it, I guess it's because they want to do it.

< Message edited by peppermint -- 2/24/2013 1:02:14 PM >

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(in reply to alphaminuz)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/24/2013 5:50:22 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

You do realize, I hope, that male submissives/slaves and their Mistresses fall in love, get married, and have families. They go to the movies with friends. They have backyard BBQs. The decorate the tree at Christmas time. They cook dinner. They clean house. They work. They pay bills.

As to why they do it, I guess it's because they want to do it.

As Puck said in "a Midsummer's night dream" "Lord, what fools these mortals be!" *lol*. One of the things that fascinates me is how many people can't get a handle around the fact that a dominant and their sub/slave, can be in a 'real' relationship, that for most part people into various kinds of BD/SM relationships are, well, people. I don't know if it is because they have read to many fiction stories of the cold dom/me with their property, the various images of the leather clad bitch beating some stupid sub into submission, what they forget is the people involved are real, they have jobs, they have hobbies, they have interests and likes and non likes, and as far as I can tell, dominants and subs/slaves alike need to feel love, warmth, affection , touch, etc. However it plays out, it is still a relationship.

I remember reading in "Different Loving" about a married couple, male dom, female sub/slave (whatever), with kids, and how they lived, it made a big impression on me in terms of what D/s and relationships mean. A friend of mine (who looks a lot like Kyra Sedgewick on the program "the closer") had someone make these generalizations about what a D/s was, what a BD/SM relationship was, and my friend said "Do you think all I do is wear leather and constantly beat my slave, push them around, etc? Or that I don't love her as much as you love your wife? You would be really shocked, then, to find us both in our old nighties, sitting on the couch watching TV together and laughing or snuggling, or baking cookies, or asking how each of our days went"...... they seem to forget that real life exists for people in the community, they seem to think like in some cliched story that dommes are all these rich women with mansions who enslave poor subs for their amusement, etc....*sigh*. Last I checked most of us work for a living, dominant or submissive/slave.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/24/2013 5:52:20 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

You do realize, I hope, that male submissives/slaves and their Mistresses fall in love, get married, and have families. They go to the movies with friends. They have backyard BBQs. The decorate the tree at Christmas time. They cook dinner. They clean house. They work. They pay bills.

As to why they do it, I guess it's because they want to do it.

I remember one female dominant, years ago, who was looking for someone to be their slave and lover, anyway she was well known as a Wiccan priestess who also hunted for her food, I remember someone telling me about her backyard barbeques, where the domme not only prepared the meat to be barbequed, she and her slave hunted, dressed and prepared it, too:)

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/24/2013 6:55:54 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

You do realize, I hope, that male submissives/slaves and their Mistresses fall in love, get married, and have families. They go to the movies with friends. They have backyard BBQs. The decorate the tree at Christmas time. They cook dinner. They clean house. They work. They pay bills.

As to why they do it, I guess it's because they want to do it.

This. ^^^^

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/24/2013 7:47:54 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alphaminuz
I was wondering if you as a Mistress look at the relationship with your submissive/slave as just a D/s relationship or also as involved in the vanilla sense in conjunction with the D/s life style? Why?
Humbly
alpha-

For myself, it's not either, or... They cannot be mutually exclusive for myself. There is nothing within a D/s relationship, that dictates one has to be socially inept, or unfit among vanilla relationships. M

_____________________________

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to alphaminuz)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you look at a relaionship as? - 2/25/2013 5:08:51 AM

ServiceBoy89

Posts: 63
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline

If she is my type slim,funny,cool and sexual predator definitely yes.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 15

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