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RE: Dumb Question... - 3/1/2013 6:39:35 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Prior to menopause he would get me a cup of tea and some Advil. Mine were painful and caused a flare up of my IBS. Every damn month for 25 years. If I was up to servicing him, he'd get a blow job. If I wasn't, he had to handle it himself. Hardly the end of the world.

If you don't want to be in a relationship with an idiot who refuses to recognize the difference between fantasy and reality, don't get involved with 'certain doms'. Pick a human being with a history of successful relationships instead.

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Post #: 21

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/1/2013 10:18:25 PM

hollycheer91

Posts: 41
Status: offline

For me, a period is somewhat a comfort thing...a normallity, just something that is supposed to happen. Also, gives me the comfort of not being pregnant. I use protection and ect, and I know you can still be pregnant while on your period but it is just how I have seen mine. I dont have a problem with sex or any of that, its pretty much within the agreement of the relationship. What really bugged me was that one dom I had briefly spoke with (and no longer am) told me that I would be punished during that time if I didnt do what he wanted and he would prefer if I was pregnant most of the time anyways. He also said it should be a certain way (amount of blood, how long it should go, and ect.) Which clearly shows he knows nothing about how the female body works, at least in those regards. And the lack of knowledge make me uncomfortable. It just seems a bit wrong to me because it is clearly something a person has no control over, and if I am not feeling well because of it, whether in a d/s relationship or not, I am not going to do anything I am uncomfortable with. And I definatly dont want to be pregnant a majority of the time...And like many have said, you can still have your period while you are pregnant so that doesnt change anything. I was just curious if many other people have had this issue, but from what I have seen it hasnt really been a big problem, and most doms were very understanding...which is comforting to know.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 22

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/1/2013 10:25:59 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Okay. So you know the Dom is an idiot. Why are you still talking to him?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Post #: 23

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/1/2013 10:31:41 PM

hollycheer91

Posts: 41
Status: offline

I said I wasnt talking to him anymore...It was a very brief talk because of his odd requests (at least what I saw as odd)..I just wasnt sure if many people thought that way or expected it that way or not. Thats why I asked the question. :)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 24

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/2/2013 12:31:38 AM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
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FR:

Starting a thread is like a box of chocolates. You never know what sort of response you are going to get. When starting a thread, it's a good thing to remember that the OP (Original Poster) ASKS for feedback.

Just as anyone is entitled to start a thread anyone is entitled to answer as they so choose.

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Post #: 25

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/2/2013 2:01:49 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

if I may be so presumptious as to speak for others, I dont think its a fear of blood born pathogens, as much as a squick factor. For my last 3 partners it was a matter of ewwwwwww thats gross. or simply unappealing. We are taught that blood is icky and you clean it up or or avoid it, not play in it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I can't answer how it is handled in other households or dynamics, only in the one I share with [my] Master.

Period sex is a non-issue with Him.
He doesn't really understand why any woman would have an issue with it.
It is "a little silly" to Him.

I think I had my period the second time I played with Him.
It was just not a big deal for Him.

I have always had a difficult time with my menstrual cycle, but His being fine with it has kind of normalised things for me.
He gets that I get cramps and has been known to draw a hot bath for me and pour pitchers of hot water over the crampy parts.

I am His slave.
There is no part of me that He does not own.

Why do you think vaginal sexual intercourse would or should be off the table?
People are very washable, and in a fluid bonded couple there shouldn't be issues concerning blood born pathogens.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 3/2/2013 2:06:50 AM >

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Post #: 26

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/2/2013 5:10:43 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hollycheer91

I said I wasnt talking to him anymore...It was a very brief talk because of his odd requests (at least what I saw as odd)..I just wasnt sure if many people thought that way or expected it that way or not. Thats why I asked the question. :)

I get the impression from this thread and the one about first meetings that you know deep down what is OK, safe and reasonable but speaking to some of these people online is putting doubts in your head. I imagine some people are telling you that this is how 'real' subs behave or that 'all' D/s relationships work that way, so you have to do what they are saying. Is that right?

If that's the case, stand your ground. You were right to cut contact with this person. Yikes - if he knows that little about periods, imagine his lack of understanding when you had morning sickness or had to go on bedrest for pregnancy complications.

Don't let people try to guilt or pressure you into behaving in a way which seems wrong or unsafe to you. There is no one way of doing things, as I'm sure you know, and people who try to convince you otherwise are usually clueless people who have watched a lot of porn and thinks that makes them ready to have a sub - or worse - someone trying to manipulate you because you are fairly young and fairly new to this.

You have a brain in your head but a lot of people who are new to D/s and kink fall into the trap of thinking that if they don't meet some particular standard they won't be wanted or allowed to take part. It's not true. We don't kick people out of the sub-club for having limits or doing things differently. Remember you are in charge of yourself right up until you hand over authority, which shouldn't be done in a rush. Use that time to negotiate, set boundaries, and make sure the guy is someone reliable and decent so you can trust him with your safety. It's still a relationship, you still get to be picky and you still deserve to be happy. If something would put you off a vanilla guy, it should put you off the dom too.

There are a huge number of doms on this site and you are still 'fresh meat' in their eyes. Some of the unscrupulous ones will try to exploit this. They think they can tell you their one true way and win you over before you get to know any better.

I've said this before Holly but I really think you need a friend to talk to about this. If you want to run anything by me I am happy to listen - it sometimes help to talk to someone that has been there to keep things into perspective.

_____________________________

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to hollycheer91)

Post #: 27

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/2/2013 5:20:02 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hollycheer91

For me, a period is somewhat a comfort thing...a normallity, just something that is supposed to happen. Also, gives me the comfort of not being pregnant. I use protection and ect, and I know you can still be pregnant while on your period but it is just how I have seen mine. I dont have a problem with sex or any of that, its pretty much within the agreement of the relationship. What really bugged me was that one dom I had briefly spoke with (and no longer am) told me that I would be punished during that time if I didnt do what he wanted and he would prefer if I was pregnant most of the time anyways. He also said it should be a certain way (amount of blood, how long it should go, and ect.) Which clearly shows he knows nothing about how the female body works, at least in those regards. And the lack of knowledge make me uncomfortable. It just seems a bit wrong to me because it is clearly something a person has no control over, and if I am not feeling well because of it, whether in a d/s relationship or not, I am not going to do anything I am uncomfortable with. And I definatly dont want to be pregnant a majority of the time...And like many have said, you can still have your period while you are pregnant so that doesnt change anything. I was just curious if many other people have had this issue, but from what I have seen it hasnt really been a big problem, and most doms were very understanding...which is comforting to know.

Wow, that guy sounds so stupid he should not be allowed to breed.

(in reply to hollycheer91)

Post #: 28

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/2/2013 6:42:23 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Being on one's period alone, without agonizing pain, or nausea, doesn't necessarily mean sex, in any form, is voided. If it is something uncomfortable/disgusting to the either party, than you'd have time off, and allowed a little leeway/patience, until it passes.

Menstruation is not a major challenge for me. I love learning every month, my body still works, as expected. Someone said "sex is only dirty, if it's done right." So sex, during my menses, is not a huge deal. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 3/2/2013 6:44:45 AM >

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(in reply to hollycheer91)

Post #: 29

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/3/2013 1:50:40 AM

hollycheer91

Posts: 41
Status: offline

I was just asking questions, which I thought was the point of a forum...to ask questions and supply feedback to others. I was just inquiring some opinions to compare to these weird experiences I have been having on CM. I have found most of the people on there have no clue what bdsm even is. Its becoming very frustrating. And yes I am still young and learning where I stand, but that is why I joined CM, to learn and experience new things. There are some good people on the site don't get me wrong but I am not looking for a bad experience. And Yes, I do realize the wetness post may have offended some, and that was not the intention. I realize I didn't make myself look good because of comments I made but I can't change what I said, but I did apologize nd that's the best I can do, and I have learned from my mistakes. I really wish all of my posts would stop being connected to a that post, of which I didn't actually make. :/ I just want to be able to communicate with people in similar situations not get judged for asking questions.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 30

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/3/2013 2:30:33 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I hope that was fast reply, and not a reply to me. M

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(in reply to hollycheer91)

Post #: 31

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/3/2013 8:51:43 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

holly, you have had some good advice especially from AthenaSurrenders. Athena is offering you her hand of friendship but all you do is reply to the negative.
I think Athena is right, you are very inquisitive but you are arriving at too many crossroads. Take the good advice thats being offered and make use of it because that is the only good way to learn.

I think encouraging new people to write to the boards and ask questions is the way for this site to grow. I'm getting a bit sick of people dredging up other peoples past (past posts) and the mockery that goes on towards new members.

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(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 32

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/3/2013 9:03:33 AM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

It depends on the communication between the Dom and yourself. With Bo and myself, if I was wearing a gown and panties, that meant hands off. I would give him BJs instead. I also suffered from endometrotiris(?) so the first 2 or 3 days was hell. Getting the lap and D&C performed on me before I got pregnant was a Godsent...the first cycle afterwards was actually pleasant.

(meant for the OP)

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Post #: 33

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/3/2013 9:06:55 AM

hollycheer91

Posts: 41
Status: offline

Yes, sorry that was a fast reply! As is this.(Sorry, I need to learn to type fast reply at the top) I do appreciate everyones advice, that is why I like the forums though, to gain new insight. And yes, it has been recent things in cm that have made me question things. I know where I stand, at least I think I know where I stand, but as she said these odd requests sometimes make me question my thoughts. I am just having a really hard time not getting upset about that prior post and I think it has made me very defensive on these forums. :/

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 34

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/3/2013 10:45:32 AM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hollycheer91

I know where I stand, at least I think I know where I stand, but as she said these odd requests sometimes make me question my thoughts. I am just having a really hard time not getting upset about that prior post and I think it has made me very defensive on these forums. :/

If you get an odd request, you do understand that you don't even have to reply to it, right?
There are many good guys on here. Why even waste a second replying and/or fretting over a request that you immediately find creepy or that breaks the rules of where you KNOW you stand?

Delete unread (just mouse over the email, you don't have to click it), block him and move on. You'll be able to stay much more focused on the positive and not on the creeps.

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if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
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(in reply to hollycheer91)

Post #: 35

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/3/2013 12:55:12 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

No I don't get time off. I don't get punished. It's just another day, week in our life together. I don't get all the pains and aches though that I hear from others. I guess it boils down to communication. If you are in that much pain that you cannot cope with everyday life then you need to talk to him and tell him and try to adjust your lives around it. Also, if you're in that much pain, I hope you are seeing a doctor for it to make sure there's not something more wrong.

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Post #: 36

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/15/2013 3:03:10 PM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

Hmmm, I'm reminded of something I found out several years ago.

When you have several women in one household for a long period of time their menses become synchronized.

And they could not understand why I always wanted to go on solo camping trips about one weekend a month. <evil grin>

From my point of view, menstruation may cause a variation in activities but never preclude activity.... now, where did I put the bed sheet size beach towels?

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 37

RE: Dumb Question... - 3/24/2013 8:11:10 PM

jwl3948

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/6/2013
Status: offline

The blood never bothered me. It was the smell that turned me off. Fresh out of the shower helps but I find that even then that stronger odor would come through with vigorous thrusting. None of the past girls I have been with had hygiene problems; I’m just overly sensitive to strong female odor. If it’s July and she has been sweating all day then oral just isn’t going to happen until after a shower. I have performed oral a few times when the girl was on the end of her period but she was fresh out of the shower and I just stayed on her clit. I find that I have a lot more anal sex during a girls’ monthly but I’m a fan of anal anyway.

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 38

RE: Dumb Question... - 4/16/2013 1:22:33 AM

Glittoris

Posts: 48
Joined: 2/24/2013
Status: offline

I look at it this way: if my partner was ill or unhappy or something wasn't 100% in tip top shape, I'm not going to punish them. In fact, I'd be treating them however they'd want to be treated in that condition [pampering, doting, leave them alone ~ whatever works for them]. When I get mine, I'm a raging hag. I prefer to be left alone, and everyone knows that.
I'd want to know what they liked, aside the dynamic, when s/he's either ill, pmsing or on her period. Then I'd figure out ways to work around those problems when they arise [I mean, for example, if they are ill, they may need someone to look after them, instead of them looking after me, etc]. Hope that makes sense :)

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Post #: 39

RE: Dumb Question... - 4/16/2013 2:19:06 PM

bubba28752

Posts: 19
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

have you ever let a man give you nice slow oral that special time of the month?All of the ladies I done that with said it made the pain,cramps go away plus a great orgasm or 2 or 3, I love doing that too. Guess thats a win,win situation.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 40

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