broken??

broken?? (Full Version)

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lapgirl -> broken?? (2/26/2013 12:08:58 PM)
I had a very emotional response today at the end of our playtime. As i cried and snuggled into my Master he asked me a few questions about my response to our play. One of the things he asked was if he broke me. I know phrases and words can mean different things to different people, and i have been wondering about this now. My answer was "No" at the time, but now i am wondering about it. What do those words mean to you?

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 12:20:56 PM)
The situation as you have outlined it is a huge red flag to me. Most of us who have done this for a long time have zero interest in 'breaking' our s-types. A good s-type is hard to find and making them great takes time and patience. Why on earth would I want to break them? The entire idea of breaking some is online fantasy bull shit that is very dangerous. Breaking someone implies creating an emotional schism that might not be reparable. Do you want to take that risk? That your 'master' is so inexperienced he asked you the question I find even more disturbing. If he is any kind of 'master' he should know about sub drop, I believe this is what happened to you. I did a quick scan of your journal writings, please run (not walk) away from this man. His intentions may be the best (though I doubt it), he does not appear to have the knowledge and experience he needs to play as hard as he is with you. I rarely give out these kinds of warning statements; I do so now with your continued mental, emotional, and physical health in mind.

littlewonder -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 12:43:24 PM)
How did he ask it? Was it in a joking type of way? I could see someone laughing afterwards to say it in a way to get a laugh out of you, like "did I break my favorite toy? Is that why you are crying?" Master can sometimes do this just to get a little smile or laugh out of me afterwards. Or did he say it in a more serious way? If so then I personally would think he meant did he break down a few walls, did he bring you closer emotionally to him or bring you some kind of catharsis that you may have needed. Being he is your Master though, maybe you should ask him what he meant. I mean, if he's your Master you shouldn't be afraid to talk to him. You two should be able to talk about anything. If not, then you probably may want to rethink the whole "Master" thing.

OsideGirl -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 12:46:18 PM)
I frequently have an emotional response at the end of a play session, also when I have an orgasm. It's because the walls are down and everything is allowed to rush out and I feel secure enough to allow it to do so. Not once has Master asked if he had broken me. 1) He pays attention and watches where I'm at physically and emotionally, and 2) has no desire to break his favorite toy.

DarkSteven -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 5:10:40 PM)
If I think there's a possibility someone is broken, play stops. Immediately.

DesFIP -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 6:27:00 PM)
Was he hoping he had broken you or afraid he had? That would color my response. A lot of people with more fantasy than knowledge think of breaking as suddenly gaining total submission, total trust, forevermore as the result of one play experience. It doesn't work that way. You gain trust and further submission as time goes on, as you merit a deepening of it. Now if he was afraid he had done this, that would be better. It would mean he knew that there's a possibility of bad emotional triggers and he's hoping that wasn't the cause of the tears. So why did you cry? Any life changing experience or just an intense reaction to an intense experience? Some people cry as a response to strong play, others laugh. Neither is right nor wrong.

DrkJourney -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 6:40:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt The situation as you have outlined it is a huge red flag to me. Most of us who have done this for a long time have zero interest in 'breaking' our s-types. A good s-type is hard to find and making them great takes time and patience. Why on earth would I want to break them? The entire idea of breaking some is online fantasy bull shit that is very dangerous. Breaking someone implies creating an emotional schism that might not be reparable. Do you want to take that risk? That your 'master' is so inexperienced he asked you the question I find even more disturbing. If he is any kind of 'master' he should know about sub drop, I believe this is what happened to you. I did a quick scan of your journal writings, please run (not walk) away from this man. His intentions may be the best (though I doubt it), he does not appear to have the knowledge and experience he needs to play as hard as he is with you. I rarely give out these kinds of warning statements; I do so now with your continued mental, emotional, and physical health in mind. I totally agree with this. And the timing, it was just wrong. If he was "worried" that he broke you, a good question at that time should've been are you ok, then later on when things get back to "normal" discuss what happened. If it was a joke, again, timing, that is not the time to be making jokes. I've been through a few emotional moments and the best thing is to hold them and assure them that they are ok. Just my opinion, but I would worry, at least sit down and have a talk with him about this. It might make you feel better, if nothing else it will give you the knowledge that you need to make an informed decision. Good luck.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 9:26:16 PM)
This could be all sorts of things, depending on tone of voice, context, etc. A lot of people joke about "breaking" something/someone after complicated or intense moments. I don't necessarily think "breaking" is always a negative thing - it means different things to different people. Some people seek to be broken of various things that they feel are in their way - like being stubborn, or being defiant, mouthy, whatever. I dunno - it's hard to say without more information on this question.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 11:06:35 PM)
fast reply I'm on the fence about this. While we've never had this conversation I could imagine my husband saying 'have I broken you?' in a playful, gentle way after we play - joking, but not inappropriate, more just trying to raise a smile. I could also see someone saying it in a concerned way, that the reaction was more than they expected and did they miss a cue or go too far. In which case, perhaps it wasn't the time or perhaps it was a bad use of terminology but not necessarily a red flag. More of a newbie thing. 'Broken' has negative connotations for many of us because we've heard people use it to mean they intend to keep their partner's spirit low to avoid any resistance. It may not have that connotation for everyone and he may just have used the word because he didn't know what to say. On the other hand, if it was said in such a way as to imply 'have I broken you yet?' or 'are you sufficiently broken now?' then yeh, red flag. Chatte pointed out more context in your journal - I couldn't bring myself to read it as I don't like to hear about people's sex lives in detail or bragging about cock size, so forgive me if I missed something crucial.

TNDommeK -> RE: broken?? (2/26/2013 11:34:12 PM)
I think before I can give response I would need to know the context in how it was asked? I hope the OP comes back and answers.

Doomkittie -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 3:53:37 AM)
I have had barriers broken down and been rebuilt by a Dom. He knew what he was doing. I wouldn't say because I cried and let go of things that he broke me. It was cleansing. I think you really have to know what you are doing. He was able to extract my submission, I totally surrendered.

lapgirl -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 4:17:22 AM)
He asked me if he "broke me" in a joking kind of manner, it was one of several questions asked in a caring, loving way... He does not WANT to break me, not in the negative connotation of the word. Would he desire to create a deeper level of submission, who wouldn't? It was a very intense scene, i was overwhelmed with emotion and it is not unusual for me to cry after such an intense time. The purpose of my post was to explore what "breaking" someone means to the CM community. I rarely post but I do frequently read topics of interest and have taken much of the sage advice that has been shared in the forums for several years now.

kalikshama -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 4:46:38 AM)
OP - I had considered the comment to be harmless until I read your journal entries and now I share Chatte's concerns. What are these man's qualifications to be mucking around in your head? quote: I did a quick scan of your journal writings, please run (not walk) away from this man. His intentions may be the best (though I doubt it), he does not appear to have the knowledge and experience he needs to play as hard as he is with you.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 6:29:48 AM)
Ah, okay. on the one hand I want to respect that you must know far more about your own relationship than I do. On the other, I have to ask: Are you sure about that? You didn't mention anything about joking in your initial post, and it took you quite a long time to respond to your own thread --although I'm very glad you came back. I have this to say, I can't imagine the man I am with now asking me that question in a joking or any other kind of manner. I can imagine a few men I was with in my past who were abusive types asking it. And yeah, they would have 'pretended' to be joking. When I read your journal I wanted to ask you...why don't you ask your 'master' why he breaks you down emotionally? And why he thinks weakening you (my assumption) will engender a deeper level of submission? I inspire a deeper level of submission by being someone my submissive can talk to. Yes, I've made many assumptions here, and for your sake I hope they are wrong.

chatterbox24 -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 6:40:42 AM)
Does he love you?

Justine333 -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 6:49:07 AM)
even with the update, I still see warning bells....

Casteele -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 6:53:29 AM)
FR Well, personally, I like to know I've broken a sub. It's not at all pleasing coming home to find they peed on the kitchen floor again because they couldn't find the corner with the newspaper neatly laid out.. It really depends on the context and dymanics between two individuals, and what they need from each other.

lapgirl -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 7:09:54 AM)
Thanks for the lighthearted comment Casteele! When I think of breaking I do tend to think in terms of animals like dogs and horses. Things like house breaking dogs and saddle breaking horses to ride, those initially are "breaking" to me. Then you add all the finesse to your creation and for me that is called training. You train the dog or horse to act, perform whatever to your liking. Subs are always in training, right? I just thought it to be an interesting word.... and was rather caught off guard when he spoke like that to me yesterday. It just got me processing and thinking.... and I wanted to just get others insight into the meaning. Our relationship is our own and we have been together for many,many years. I am sorry if my journal postings have lead some of you to have concern for my wellbeing. It is not perfect, but it works for us... and that is what matters.

MasterPandy -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 7:13:46 AM)
I agree that "broken" can mean many things, both positive and negative. For example, break down barriers is generally positive. When training a horse, you call it "breaking". On the other hand, if you are emotionally broken, this is not good. I guess it is hard for any of us to understand exactly what was meant at the time as we have only one person's interpretation to go with. I also have some concerns though, after reading the OP's journal. Perhaps it is not intended to read the way it does and much of it may be part of being in a certain mindset. Without knowing the OP or her Master personally I wouldn't want to be too quick to judge.

OsideGirl -> RE: broken?? (2/27/2013 8:41:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lapgirl Would he desire to create a deeper level of submission, who wouldn't? It was a very intense scene, i was overwhelmed with emotion and it is not unusual for me to cry after such an intense time. My personal view: Kinky sex does not create a deeper level of submission. It's every day actions that create deeper levels of submission and trust.

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