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Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 11:28:29 AM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		I’m trying to learn more about being a Dominant Woman. I’d like to do my learning in person, but I’m a little short on time so I decided to look for a few books until my schedule frees up a bit. I was wondering if anyone could recommend any good books on BDSM and being a Dominant Woman in particular. I know there are several available but judging by the reviews I have read so far very few are helpful if you already know the basics. Are there any books around for somebody looking for more advanced information? Any help or advice about being a Dominant Woman is welcome, as would be a mentor.
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RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 11:31:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Books on Subs/Bottoming

Books for subs/slaves

Books

Books on the lifestyle

http://www.collarchat.com/m_203091/mpage_1/key_books/tm.htm#203096
reading material

http://www.collarchat.com/m_72451/mpage_1/key_bdsm%2Cbooks%2Creading/tm.htm
books!!!

This one is likely to be of best use for you:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_108450/mpage_1/key_bdsm%252Cbooks%252Creading/tm.htm#108501
looking for lit

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
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RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 11:49:13 AM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		LOL...thank you for the help :) It's good to know that the books I was looking at might have some value after all (specifically, Screw the Roses, and The New Topping Book)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 12:06:30 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well, it looks like LA has you covered on reading material. Now you just need to visit a few munchies and play parties. Some like kinkyness only in the bedroom while others want D/s in all aspects where you would make the final discission on everything.

Sometimes, you have to experience a little of everything before deciding how you want your relationships to go.

Either way, I never dish out what I can't take.

So what are you pushing for? More Dominance, more Sadism, or both? Whatever you decide to try out, after you tried it, always ask yourself "Is this really me and what I like doing?" That will help make many decisions on who you are and what you strive to become.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
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RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 12:40:16 PM   
LordDominik


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/3/2004
From: Omaha, Nebraska
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

I’m trying to learn more about being a Dominant Woman. I’d like to do my learning in person, but I’m a little short on time so I decided to look for a few books until my schedule frees up a bit. I was wondering if anyone could recommend any good books on BDSM and being a Dominant Woman in particular. I know there are several available but judging by the reviews I have read so far very few are helpful if you already know the basics. Are there any books around for somebody looking for more advanced information? Any help or advice about being a Dominant Woman is welcome, as would be a mentor.


Reading books and soaking up information is a wonderful idea, but one thing you have to take into consideration is the fact that only you are going to be able to determine what kind of Dominant you would be.  I can certainly relate to having a hectic schedule, and I'm sure this is the last thing you want to hear it, but the best attribute you can have is patience.  After 13 years as a Dominant, I am still learning.  I've done quite a bit, and seen even more, but with our ever-changing world I'm sure there will always be something new out there. 
 
My advice to you is go with what you know.  Start off there, and work your way into things that are new.  When I first started the only toy I had ever used, or even seen for that matter was a riding crop, and that's only because I actually worked on a race track once.  So, that's where I started, and to this day, it's still one of My favorite choices of toys.  Go with what you know.
 
And yes, going to munches is good as well.  Networking can never hurt (well, I suppose it can in this case, if done properly  ).  But, don't rely too much on another persons advice or technique.  Remember, Dom or sub or whatever, Shakespear put it best when he said "This above all too thine own self be true".
 
Best of luck
~ LD

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
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RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 1:31:48 PM   
SmokeyM


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		You wouldn't believe how much reading material you can find on amazon.com. Also look in your local book stores, normally in the relationship section.
 
~Smokey

(in reply to LordDominik)
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RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 1:49:56 PM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		you might want to try SM 101 . I have heard it is a very good book to read

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
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RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 5:25:12 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		You mention books - I'd suggest videos!
 
The "Learning the Ropes" series by Ona Zee is great for ideas and they explain safety and hints and tricks as they go.
 
http://www.onazee.com/Videostore/learning_ropes.html
 
If money is an issue, you can usually find them on ebay fairly inexpensively.

< Message edited by Calandra -- 6/21/2006 5:29:10 PM >

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 6:21:29 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		Books can teach you theory, but learning how to dominate, and your style of domination, can only come from experience. You will want to start associating with other dominants, both male and female. Watch and see who impresses you, and spend some time talking to them about their experiences. Watch those who -don't- impress you, and make note of what it was that bothered/disappointed you in their behaviors, so you can develop your own style.

Though there are some who say that it makes no difference, I've found it both useful and enlightening to work with a mentor. Make sure, if you -do- choose this route, that you select someone who shares many areas of commonality with you in terms of goals and philosophies.

Attend play parties and local meetings if they are available where you are, especially if there are demonstrations and presentations -- it may give you an opportunity to learn some of the skills that are interesting to you -- and some you may not have even considered.

Correspond with other dominants whom you respect -- either for their ideas, skills or philosophies. Ask -lots- of questions.

Don't be in a rush. You have all the time in the world to develop yourself. You'll make mistakes, but one of the features of the self-assured person (which a dominant must be) is the ability to take making errors in stride, take responsibility for the mistakes without becoming maudelin about it, clean up the mess, and develop skills to enable hir to prevent making the same mistake again.

Believe in yourself. Your confidence and assurance will give those who serve you something to hold on to -- as sense of knowing that you are confident of yourself.

ZWD


_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Learning Something New - 6/21/2006 7:24:44 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		Well said ZWD *smiles*
 
To the OP *points up* yeah what's said up there is all good stuff *grins*
 
One thing I suggest too... find yourself a copy of the BDSM questionaire, fill it out as honestly as you can, see when you finish what things are on your "ohhhhhhhh I just have to try that" list and use that as a waypoint in finding other people who share similar interests. Also dont discount the ones who dont share your interests, if they have something pertinent to say listen!, as your views and such will change as you grow and mature into your Dominance.
 
Good luck to you and definately please keep us posted on how your journey is going!

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Learning Something New - 6/25/2006 12:20:23 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		For You and Your partners learning and enjoyment AB:

http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html 

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Learning Something New - 6/25/2006 12:43:17 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		'How to' books can be great, but there has to be that indefinable 'Dom-ness' or it's just playacting.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Learning Something New - 6/25/2006 10:12:02 AM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

'How to' books can be great, but there has to be that indefinable 'Dom-ness' or it's just playacting.


I have to agree . and I think Rs said it well also ... you can read all day long ..... you watch videos .. you can even fill out an I'ld like to try that survey .... but you either have dominant traits with in you or you don't ... just my opinion .... Once you have soul searched yourself .. and truely come to the agreement with yourself that you do in fact have some dominant traits within you . then by all means learn about the things you wish to explore .. explore those you haven't experienced . and by all means talk to other Dom/mes ...... I have been around 20 something years .. I STILL talk to other Masters and Doms ... I am always talking to others about things I may not know .. or have an interest in knowing better.

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 13
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