|
njlauren -> RE: Can it be dangerous to be in a Slave/ master relationship? (3/4/2013 3:18:44 PM)
|
As others have pointed out any relationship can be dangerous, where you are putting trust in another person. You grab some guy off craigslist and he could be serial rapist, you find some guy who seems like a sweetheart and then one day he has a couple of drinks, and he beats you; you find a women you have feelings for, date her, she suggests going back to her place, you get drugged, your wallet is gone and you become the victim of identity theft and such.... I think there are different types of dangers, obviously. A guy can overpower a woman he is dating and tie her up and do nasty things to against her wishes, a guy can claim to be a dominant, tie up someone willingly, and then cause harm. I think where a BDSM relationship of any kind, including D/s, M/s, a certain amount of power has been given up, control, by the s to the M, so if a vanilla guy wants to tie a girl up in a game, it is going to raise more suspicions then if it is in a BD/SM one (simply because being tied up may be a regular part of the Ms). The other danger I can think of is that because of the dynamic, it may be easier in the guise of an M/s for an abusive person to brainwash or control a sub with issues, because the framework of control is already there, whereas that dynamic in a vanilla one is a lot more subtle in my thought.
To me I think others were right, a lot of it is about the person going into it, are they the kind of person who can protect themselves and so forth. A contract won't protect anyone from real abuse, what it can do, though, is remind both s and D or M what is allowed and what isn't, in the scope of the relationship, it may help protect against going over the line accidentally, for example. With a D or M who is turning abusive, about all the contract could do is act as warning bell to the s, that they can look at it and say "holy shit, he is peeing on me, and that isn't part of the deal" and maybe act as a reminder, but as protection? Meaningless.
The thing about power relationships like this is that they are based upon trust, more then in a vanilla simply because in many ways IMO the sub is entrusting a lot more of their safety and well being to the dominant, that in a sense along with power they also are turning their safety and well being. Obviously this is true in vanilla relationships, you trust that your partner isn't lying to you, cheating on you, and is actually thinking about you, cares about you, is looking out for you, but in an M/s it is a lot more in my view. Hence I think that before getting into an M/s or D/s of any deep level, someone really needs to know themselves. I am a pretty centered person, pretty sure of myself, but there have been times in my life, when I was exploring BD/SM, that I would go overboard and put more trust in people, or fall under their influence or somehow think I owed them something when I didn't, and these were on a relatively trivial level (not a relationship really at all)..and if going into a relationship as deep as a D/s,M/s, it is important to be sure of yourself.
I like what others have written, and my question is, how long have you know this person? Have you guys simply dated, gotten to know each other, really felt each other out? I would recommend, given your past issue, to take it slow, get to know this person, really see what they are like, and before going the M/s route, take it slow, take it down in levels, start with smaller D/s contracts, short term, see how it works, and ease into it. M/s are special relationships and to make it work, even leaving out potential abuse, take work and understanding IME. Give yourself a chance to make sure you are compatible people before jumping in, that you share the same vision and so forth..and hopefully, any warning signs will come out before you go that deep.
|
|
|
|
