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Knowing is half the fun - 3/2/2013 11:18:17 AM

CuriousChief

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Experience generally trumps book learning, but what do you read or recommend for new doms?
I'm always the type hungry for new information.

I've been reading these so far:
seekers.org.uk/domsub.html
asubmissivesjourney.com/want_dom.html

Also been reading on safety and mindset in specific scenarios, but I figure having a list on more general stuff is useful.

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RE: Knowing is half the fun - 3/2/2013 12:14:48 PM

DomMeinCT

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ResidentSadist offers this link to a BDSM book thread here: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

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RE: Knowing is half the fun - 3/2/2013 12:20:18 PM

LadyPact

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Thank you, thank you, thank you for being one of those rare few who really want to be educated. People like you nourish My spirit.

The book list was provided to you. Here would be the top three I would recommend for general learning:

"SM101" by Jay Wiseman

"The Loving Dominant" by John Warren

"Screw the Roses (Send Me the Thorns)" by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon

Thank you for making My day brighter.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 3/2/2013 12:21:16 PM >

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RE: Knowing is half the fun - 3/2/2013 12:38:56 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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Reading is a great idea, and I think ResidentSadist's list is pretty comprehensive. I liked reading a lot, because when I first joyned here, I thought everyone was hardcore about how they approach everything, and the books helped make me feel more secure, included, and less abinormal.
Good luck, M

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RE: Knowing is half the fun - 3/2/2013 8:22:14 PM

CuriousChief

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Awesome. I'll check those out.

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RE: Knowing is half the fun - 3/12/2013 3:02:40 PM

chunkymanuk

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I have rewritten this a few times so as not to come off as a no it all but I failed each time so please ignore that tone if you feel that is what I am trying to be. I am new to serious dominance (approx 18 months) and am well aware that I have so much to learn but thing I pretty quickly discovered when I started exploring my dominant side was that what you seek and what you are and what you do and how you do it cant and shouldn't be definable by reference material or how other people think it should be.

What I mean by that is that these predilections that we all have are so varied and so changeable and when you combine that with another person ( or multiple people) you have a recipe for something that might not conform might not fit into one of the many different pigeon holes that exist with the BDSM

Read. Read lots talk and ask questions and share information and experience learn and grow but always bear in mind that you might not be able to seek answers to everything because of just how unique the individual dynamics can be.

< Message edited by chunkymanuk -- 3/12/2013 3:08:13 PM >

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RE: Knowing is half the fun - 3/13/2013 4:24:39 PM

DesFIP

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Actually I disagree that experience is superior to book learning. You don't want to learn single tails on a bottom's skin. Not unless you're planning to pay for plastic surgery to fix the damage.

You do want to learn about it nonexperientially first. Read a book, attend a workshop, then start practicing on a pillow. Doing this to someone else comes after you've learned as much as you can.

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RE: Knowing is half the fun - 3/15/2013 8:26:21 PM

MaamJay

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I think there's a big difference between WHO you want to be as a Dominant and HOW you want to Dominate. I think the WHO is what is inside you, a style that you develop as you go and which might even be different with different subs. Reading can at best inform that, but trying to be a carbon copy of some other Dominant probably won't work in the long term. I think that's the aspect to which chunkyman was referring.

However, the HOW is something that can be greatly informed by reading, and should be. Learning how to do certain things safely, what to look for, warning signs etc etc ... reading is a good start. Through reading you can also learn about bdsm protocols (and the fact that not all bdsmers stick to them!). Then attending workshops and public play sessions and SEEING it done and learning from others is also great, especially if your reading has primed you up with good questions to ask at appropriate times. And then, as DES said, practice practice practice!

I agree with LP though, it is greatly refreshing to see a new Dom asking for reading materials, realising He doesn't know it all already. Made My day too :-)

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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