What the hell am I looking for?

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Blackenedpride -> What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 10:03:32 PM)
Hello all, first time poster... I'm at a bit of a crossroads, I've played with pro dommes. There is one very well known and renowned in the scene. I'd see her relatively often before she moved, and we still keep in touch. but the thing is, we had so many common (non fetish) interests, we actually became friends. And our play became less exciting, because she was a friend not a domme. I actually looked more forward to hanging out and bullshitting with her. I saw another domme, we had a good time but again, she didn't quite personify the domme position. I'm currently speaking with a domme who's moving to my state this month, and our online chat is VERY exciting. But again, we're becoming too close, and I have a feeling when we do meet we will have a relationship beyond femdom play, and slave ownership. I want a women to OWN me, treat me like her property, punish me when I'm bad and reward me when I'm good. I guess I'm too young to find that right now. I suppose almost every domme is looking for someone older and more financially able to spoil them. idk, is there any Domme looking to own a younger slave. I make pretty good money, and love to spoil women, but I hate when it's demanded constantly. A Financial domme is not domme in my opinion, just a lazy brat who never learned how the real world works. -Ace

DarkSteven -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 10:25:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride A Financial domme is not domme in my opinion, just a lazy brat who never learned how the real world works. -Ace And you were doing so well until you said this. Look, dude. You want to worship a Domme. And you're tired of paying to do that. Here's a novel idea. Treat 'em like women. Like female people. Take 'em out for dates, spend time chatting with them. I guarantee that that kinda stuff is THEIR fantasy. Also, welcome to the United States. Many of us pride ourselves on tolerance. You may want to reconsider your stances on Judaism, Catholicism, atheism, and Scientology.

Blackenedpride -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 10:32:01 PM)
Oh trust me, I take women out for dates or try and get involved with them when they have no clue of what I'm into sexually. I have multiple female friends that I go to for the female insight men need, and they come to me for the same. And Idk where the fuck you're getting all this shit about race and tolerance.... where the hell does it say anything about that?

UllrsIshtar -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 10:40:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride And Idk where the fuck you're getting all this shit about race and tolerance.... where the hell does it say anything about that? Your profile lists you "hate" Judaism, Scientology, atheism and agnosticism, as well as listing Catholicism as a hard limit. Peculiar for somebody who also self-identifies as a Buddhist.

njlauren -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 10:44:33 PM)
Speaking from experience, I think you are into the fantasy of what a domme is, you are used to going to pro dommes and 'scening', and that is not the same thing as being sub to a domme in a lifestyle fashion. I know where I am talking, I played with pro dommes for years before it became lifestyle, and it also took me a bit to figure out the difference between doing it in a pro session and doing it lifestyle. Reading your post (and please don't take this as a rebuke, it isn't, not at all) what I see is the dynamic of the pro session "here is what I want", item 1, item 2, etc. When you do pro sessions, you tend to fill out questionairs or give them a list of things you want to do, don't want to do, and they meld the scenes around that. Yeah, I have heard pros call clients 'slaves' and so forth, but in the end, paying them is making you in charge, pure and simple, and there isn't the return. One of the things with pro dommes is not all of them are lifestyle, they are damn good at the psychodrama, but in their personal lives they may do kink play, but they aren't into it outside the play space at work (and that is fine, that isn't a knock). Others are lifestyle, have subs of their own, but don't/won't get involved with a client. One of the things I think you are missing, that if you read some of the threads on the general board, is that in a D/s, it is still a relationship. Others have written about how it took them a while to find the right person, that they needed to mesh (whether as sub or M/D, doesn't matter). You mentioned that it was ruined with the one domme, because you got friendly with her, hung out with her......I think the problem is you are expecting a domme who is this cruel owner, who sees you as a piece of property, superior to yourself, and in most cases it isn't going to work like that, even the most dominent women I know can't live in cold bitch mode 24/7 (they will do it in bursts), they still need a companion/friend/lover/ mate, whatever and it is going to have other elements other then the D/s in most cases . For example, if you and the domme in question became friends, why did that ruin the play for you? Did you feel it was less authentic because you hung out, talked did things together? Lifestyle d/s couples hang out, talk, go to movies, have fun, change diapers, do all kinds of things......did you ever talk to her about your feelings for her? Try seeing if she would be interested in a relationship with you, both as partners and as a D/s? You aleady had her attention, she seemed to like you as a friend, maybe that could blossom. I think your perceptions of what a domme is are shaped by what someone does in a play session or by reading fiction.,you are expecting someone who fits, as you put it, your perception of a domme, and the problem with that IMO it is unrealistic, you are expecting a fantasy figure to be reality. Put it this way, there may be dommes out there that want a 'real' slave, one they lord over, treat in reality like a piece of property and so forth, but I think you are going to find that most dommes are like many of the women on this board, they are dominant, some of them quite seriously so,but are looking for a real life slave/sub, someone they have respect for, have a connection to. If you are looking to live out the fantasy sequence that goes on in a couple of hours of play in a pro scene, where it is very easy to act out the uber cold, uber controlling domme, you are going to be really disappointed. Me, I would recommend trying a relationship with the dommes you seemed to like, woo them (they are still women, my friend), and see where that goes, you may find that the real life of a D/s beats the hell out of the fantasy 'cold bitch mistress' played out in a dungeon session...I had some hot fucking times doing pro sessions, and learned about my submissive nature with the help of a very skilled pro domme, but it paled in comparison to when it came into my 'real' relationship with my spouse........there is nothing like being the sub of someone you are linked to through friendship, companionship and/or/preferable, love. I would advise you you already have some potential dommes looking right at you, forget about the fantasy and go for the real gold:)

njlauren -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 10:47:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride And Idk where the fuck you're getting all this shit about race and tolerance.... where the hell does it say anything about that? Your profile lists you "hate" Judaism, Scientology, atheism and agnosticism, as well as listing Catholicism as a hard limit. Peculiar for somebody who also self-identifies as a Buddhist. Hm, hateful buddhist, isn't that like Military Intelligence, an oxymoron?

Blackenedpride -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 10:55:11 PM)
This thread wasn't supposed to be about what I might of bullshitted through in my profile. I'm not a buddhist, I enjoy the concept. I'm a Christian, I follow the word of christ (but we all have our sins). Religions are all one in the same, they all deliver the same heart warming message and I therefore respect them all. Except for Atheism, I'll be honest and say I've never met an Atheist willing to hold a philosophical conversation. Now... Can we put the religion shit aside, I bullshit through my entire likes and dislikes. now Im going to get busy reading the responses the actually pretain to the topic at hand.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 11:09:26 PM)
If you continue to post on this board (which I somehow strongly doubt will happen after how I know this tread will turn out) you will soon find that, no, your profile will not be left out of the responses you get. People on this forum tend to respond to the whole picture a poster presents, and that includes profile content, choice of picture, "tone", attitude, writing style and so on. It's really not all that different from offline in that sense... you make a first impression on people, and they judge you... and then will approach whatever the literal content of what you are saying colored by that judgement of you, regardless of how right or wrong it may be. If you don't want people respond to you with a judgement colored by "bullshit" I suggest you change, or hide, your profile.

Blackenedpride -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 11:10:37 PM)
niJlaauren, I thank you for your advice. I don't think it could have been put any better. But the pro domme I've developed this friendship with doesn't live around here anymore, also theres a large age difference. I think if I asked to take her out or something like that, I'd get a disappointing reaction. But I think I'll wait for this "blind date" domme. We talk very well and very affectionately toward eachother, and she let go her other slave when she met me. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I really do appreciate your wisdom on the matter

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 11:11:38 PM)
The problem is this. You seem to want a domme only as a play partner - you want the fantasy side of the domme with the roughness and the beatings and sexy fun time. So much so when you see a domme as a real person (like when you get to know them and talk about other things) it loses it's appeal. The thing is dommes are real people first and foremost. They want people to like them for who they are, not just their kinky side. They want friends and partners who share their interests and care about when they are having a bad day and all the other human interactions which make someone feel secure and happy. Even in 24/7 domme/sub relationships, it isn't all fantasy. The dishes need to be washed, and the tires need to be changed on the truck and sometimes she just wants to sit in front of a movie and bullshit about the office. That doesn't mean she's not in charge - she says jump and he gets right to it. There may be punishments if that's how they work. They may even get freaky every night and all weekend - but that still leaves more time that not doing regular everyday things. So if you can't enjoy submitting to someone who is also a friend, what is the appeal for the woman? In an arrangement where you need her to be the big, bad, latex clad amazon all day every day so as not to break the illusion, she ceases to be the dominant party in the relationship and becomes a puppet acting out your desires. So if you need someone to keep that facade going, you are going to be stuck with pros and findommes. They do it professionally, they don't need you to meet their emotional needs because they go elsewhere for that. And if you still with pros, then be strict with yourself that you go in , do your session, and leave, so that you don't spoil the fantasy. (as an aside, despite the crappy profiles you see here, most findommes have to work damn hard, since finsubs have a tendency to be seriously high maintenance. Also in most cases financial domination isn't just flipping the middle finger and demanding an amazon gift card) So you have a choice - stick with your professionals, or find a way to reconcile your opposing views of women.

Blackenedpride -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 11:17:01 PM)
Alright buddy, I fixed to it be specific to what I actually thing. Happy now? I'm a peace lover, don't categorize me otherwise

UllrsIshtar -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 11:21:49 PM)
Sweetie pie... I don't care what you have in your profile. But you seem to care that it got brought up, so I explained to you why it happened. Despite what you seem to think, I'm not a dude either btw...

Blackenedpride -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/5/2013 11:26:11 PM)
My apologies ma'am, the profiles "Likes" and "Dislikes" never struck me as important. I read what the people write about themselves on here. I kind of assumed that's the only thing that mattered, but apparently to most it isn't

LadyPact -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/6/2013 12:32:19 AM)
The title of your thread is somewhat misleading. You know what you are looking for. Unfortunately, what you are looking for doesn't particularly balance with what you are finding. Here are a few thoughts....... Pro sessions are more likely going to bring you the persona that you are looking for. It's a part of the job. To sell the illusion for a finite amount of time. Most clients don't think of the professional that they see being a real/whole person. They do their job, change their clothes, put their feet up in front of a movie sometimes, and relax like everybody else. That illusion that they are selling you for a price for a couple of hours generally isn't who they are all of the time. When the pro that you were seeing became a friend that wasn't being paid, she got to be herself. In doing so, she broke the illusion for you. Most women your age (I looked) aren't going to have their mojo down like the pro domme that you were seeing. (You did mention that she was older.) Just so you know, that's not an age crack. It is pointing out that there is a difference in level of experience and a woman coming into her own as a female Dominant. That stuff that you are used to in your pro sessions isn't necessarily going to exist with someone your age. There's a learning curve about owning another person. That's not even going into topping skills, equipment, etc. It takes a little while, so don't be surprised if some women your age aren't going to be the extreme that you seem to want. Those that might are also still learning how to balance it all out. Owning another human being, with being a human being herself. Knowing when to kick back and knowing when to tug the leash. Your desire for the fantasy/illusion doesn't quite reconcile with My view of ownership. In My view, owning a person doesn't mean that you can't be friendly toward them, having emotional ties, or <gasp> even that I have human emotions. None of those things, and even more, don't change the fact that somebody is My property. It wouldn't matter if we were at the zoo, while I was laughing at the monkeys, and eating cotton candy. If I told him to jump, he'd still say "how high?" What would I suggest that you do??????? Well, first I'd suggest that you look for somebody who is as interested in ownership as you are. You got the play sessions under your belt, yadda, yadda. The paying for sessions thing isn't ownership. If you want to know what it's like to really be owned, start talking to some folks who already are. Since I'm on the topic of ownership, skip the sexy talk with the "moving to you" Domme. She dumped her slave because of some online chats and moving to a new area? How does that match up to your thoughts on "valuable property?" If you own something worth a damn, don't you take it with you when you move? Pay more attention to your profile and journal. You may do really well with women, but if Dominant women see you as somebody looking to turn the tables, you're going to miss some opportunities. In case you haven't noticed from this thread, those things matter.

britwriter1111 -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/6/2013 12:59:18 AM)
Okay, your journal entry of 3/5 shows the problem. Anger. Misogyny. Bitterness. My suggestion... before you go further in any BDSM relationships, see if you can enjoy a mutually satisfying platonic friendship, with a woman. You really need to learn your ABC's before you can use words, you know? Best of luck to you!

theRose4U -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/6/2013 5:28:45 AM)
Well from the looks of things you're looking for a woman to bully, demand from & be offended when she doesn't live a fantasy world of porn 24/7 then call it domination. Catch is, as has been pointed out, that woman doesn't exsist. Easy, problem solved!

DarkSteven -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/6/2013 5:39:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride Oh trust me, I take women out for dates or try and get involved with them when they have no clue of what I'm into sexually. I have multiple female friends that I go to for the female insight men need, and they come to me for the same. That's the issue right there. You can get dates with vanilla women but not Dommes. Try treating the Dommes exactly the same as vanillas and see things get better.

WithBellsOn -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/6/2013 7:56:40 AM)
Whatever you're looking for, your most recent journal entry certainly isn't going to help you find it. There's nothing wrong with being a switch, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to grab a woman by the throat if it's done CONSENSUALLY, but I can't imagine a Domme is going to want to deal with a man who might try to 'turn the tables' unexpectedly.

searching4mysir -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/6/2013 8:07:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride And Idk where the fuck you're getting all this shit about race and tolerance.... where the hell does it say anything about that? Your profile lists you "hate" Judaism, Scientology, atheism and agnosticism, as well as listing Catholicism as a hard limit. Peculiar for somebody who also self-identifies as a Buddhist. And lives for Christianity.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: What the hell am I looking for? (3/6/2013 8:13:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: searching4mysir quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride And Idk where the fuck you're getting all this shit about race and tolerance.... where the hell does it say anything about that? Your profile lists you "hate" Judaism, Scientology, atheism and agnosticism, as well as listing Catholicism as a hard limit. Peculiar for somebody who also self-identifies as a Buddhist. And lives for Christianity. That he changed after the original exchange following that post.

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