RE: I don't know what I should do now... (Full Version)

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abeautifullife -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/22/2006 11:57:40 AM)

Dear Mistress Lashra,

Thank you very much for your very intelligent advice, Ma'am.  At best, I trusted someone who was not prepared for the task, and at worse I trusted someone who did not care.  Any slave who would serve you might not realize just how powerful and smart you are.  I am not worthy to even have your shadow cast upon me.



abeautifullife -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/22/2006 12:03:17 PM)

Dear Mistress Akasha,

Thank you so much for your kind offer, Ma'am.  Being in service to you is something that I do not know of, yet your description of the life I would have there sounds very much like a life that I would learn to like very quickly, if I knew what was good for me (which I am not sure what is good for me, though).  I have no doubt that in your service I would certainly deserve that which you would determine and most certainly would be coming my way.  Your words are making  me honestly shake and tremble, and I sink lower to that place where I belong



MsKarenMarie -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/23/2006 12:17:29 AM)

abeautifullife:
 
I dont think you know WHAT you want or WHO you are....there needs to be some deep soul searching here... you say you are a sub then you have a Dom side.... ok I understand that a person can have traits  from both ends but....deciding what makes you truly happy is where you will find yourself.. I agree with some of the Ladies that you arent willing to change and that you are happy being a victim.....pick yourself up by your b*lls, get a grip on reality and take responsibility for your part in what happended to you.
 
Respectfully,
 
MsKarenMarie



LeatherBentOne -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/23/2006 5:15:36 AM)

Why do I detect insincerity here?  Perhaps using the thread to find a Mistress?  I dunno, too eager to grovel if you ask me.



TNstepsout -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/23/2006 5:30:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne

Why do I detect insincerity here?  Perhaps using the thread to find a Mistress?  I dunno, too eager to grovel if you ask me.


Uh Oh Beautifullife, they're onto you. Must have been the excessive exaggerated fawning that tipped em' off.

Better tone it down.

TN



michaelGA2 -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/23/2006 5:55:15 AM)

ok, you've gotten alot of very good advice fromthe well-respected and honorable Dominants on here and i applaud them all for their words of incouragement.

and now, from the submissive side of the coin:

i'm sure you are a very noble and honorable submissive with good intentions and you didn't ask for any of this to happen to you...nobody would.

what i'm concerned with is that you moved with only an inkling of what would occur. believe me, i did this once myself and am still sorta picking up the pieces after about 5 years. it will get better. believe me. now, a little helpful hint from a submissive "brother" in arms. find someone local, as Ms Calandra has stated or at least someone that's not very far away (that is, after you get "you" straight) meet them a few times before even considering paking up and moving again. you'll thank yourself for it. and "never" jump and the first Mistress that tans your hide and touches your unner-self. if they cannot maintain that over a long period of time, then it's not worth it.

give a face and spirit to a person first and foremost before coming to that decision, "play the field" as it were before picking one to spend your live with. believe me, it will be better in the long run.

and, above all, get yourself straight and do what is good for you first. only then will peace and happiness be achieved.

ok...i'm finished now.



abeautifullife -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/23/2006 6:51:47 AM)

Dear Mistress LeatherBentOne,

Since like everyone else that has posted her, there is obviously a sincere concern, let me say that I know that good intentions do not often end up in good results, and all the Dommes here are extremely smart and incredibly perceptive, as you certainly are.  I would not use this forum to do a search for a Mistress, there are other places within this site to do that from.  I have always been pertty meticulous in almost all aspects of my life, but I am not really sure what happened that created this situation in a detailed manner.  The most important thing hat happened was I did not follow an age-old saying:  "Look before you leap".  I did not do that, and consequently, I had no idea how far I would have to fall before I found the bottom.  My desire for a happy outcome exceeded the reality of the situation, and considering my lack of a realistic investigation into what I was entering into, it was doomed to fail.  The financial damage was minimal, I had actually done a couple of things that would limit the damage in case something went wrong, so, at least I had done a couple of things ok.  Yes, I do have a dominant side in me, but it will probably be relegated to maybe a sale in the Christmas shopping season; a sub is all I really am, have been , and will be in the future.  As an update to all that have shown their concern, someone who I would have never imagined, an acquantaince of mine, is going to take me under her wing and train me properly, and I am at peace with myself now.  For all those who may consider a move to be with the dominant/submissive they have found, please take this warning with you:  Keep your financial matters separate from those of the person you will be living with until you have an established and committed relationship with financial controls to protect you, and do not make the move until you are certain that you are comfortable with the situation, and all of your questions are answered fully.  And make certain that you can get back to where you left from if you need to.  Thank you to everyone for your advice, I appreciate every bit of it, and I promise I will be more careful in the future.



SenseofBelonging -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/23/2006 7:14:24 AM)

does all of this obvious fawning do anything for any of the Dommes responding to it?



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/23/2006 11:42:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SenseofBelonging

does all of this obvious fawning do anything for any of the Dommes responding to it?


Ummmm....Yes.
It made Me slightly nauseous. Particulary the "pretty please" part.
However, he has at least attempted to redeem himself with his final post (#27).
That said, I do want to address the general advice given in post #27 by the OP. 
If you (universal you) are going to jump into a relationship wherein you have not developed a reasonable trust level, then you are not ready.  I am a TPE Domina, and financial control and/or strict financial supervision is a part of My thing. I understand things can happen, and they can be bad things.  It's another reason why I use a contract. 
But if you don't trust enough, or you haven't bothered to get a sense of the Dominant's level of fiscal responsibility, then you probably should rethink the whole thing and spend more time or just move along.
Sorry, but I know a mature vanilla guy who just remarried.  He knew he shouldn't, even before he said "I Do", as she was so irresponsible. Now he is married, and there is nothing BDSM, D/s, M/s, about it.  Don't lay this off on the lifestyle, please.  It is not a lifestyle thing.  It is a personal responsibility thing, and it happens everywhere, everyday.



LadyMorgynn -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 6:23:46 AM)

Except, of course, the OP is lying to you all through his teeth.  He screwed up his own finances before coming to his Mistress (myself) and when I had everything coming under control, he defied a DIRECT ORDER which screwed everything up.  I have released him, and he refused an offer for me to Express Mail him his credit cards, which are now waiting in a box with his financial papers, which I organized and sorted and put in a spreadsheet when he came to me.  The only monies that he is "out" is the $250/week that any live-in slave of mine is required to contribute to the household.  These "precautions in place" that he talks about are just a plain old lie.  His credit cards were completely maxed out, and he had no money at all when he came to me.  If I had been so unethical as to *want* to take him to the cleaners, I could not have done so.  He now has an excellent job, which he got at the same time he came into My service, and at the end of 4 weeks his finances would have been completely caught up and on the way to being paid off if he had stayed with me.  And let me tell you, if I were interested in his money alone I could have kept him on and been in a really great financial position!  But I wanted a slave, and he is unable/unwilling to submit to control by another, so I released him after only 3 weeks.

What you see now his his generally manipulating the truth to give a certain impression (that he was "done to" by someone, of whom I have now joined a long, long list of people who "done him wrong"...basically, everyone he has ever met).  This is no more than a play for sympathy and attention (something I have called him on many times), and likely a troll for a new Mistress. 

It's all in keeping with the rest of my experience of this individual that he would come here whining and crying "oh, poor me" and twisting the truth to make himself sound pathetic.  He's really good at that, and I have told him (in honest sincerity, as I was quite fond of him) that he would do better to seek a psychiatrist than a Mistress.

Yep, I definitely struck out my first time owning a slave <sigh>  Hopefully the next one will be better!



MHOO314 -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 6:30:11 AM)

Busted!
 
Martini LadyM?



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 6:30:23 AM)

Don't give up not all slaves are that way. There are real ones out there. Good luck to you.



LadyMorgynn -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 6:30:39 AM)

Double olives? :)



MistressDiane -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 6:36:30 AM)

Before I realized who this was I was already getting that nauseating feeling. It just didn't ring true, now I know why. you should be ashamed of yourself will and hopefully a lesson from the other end spectrum. Dominants can be taken too!



LadyMorgynn -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 6:44:58 AM)

I know.  I was partly guilty, because I had never HAD a slave before, and I was so eager, so anxious to have one kneel at My feet and be Mine, that I didn't take the time I should have to learn more about him, and to heed the warning signs that, yes, were there all along (remember the "do you trust your instincts" thread?).  But... still, it was a VERY good learning experience.  For instance, I had some niggling doubts about whether I really was.... hmmmm, how to say it... not about whether I was Dominant, because I know I am... but more, COULD I be effective as a Domme, make that transition from being a Dominant woman to being someone's Domme... if that makes sense?  I mean, I have been dominant for over 10 years, but only in theory, and at play parties, over the phone, that sort of thing.  So I used to lay in bed at night and worry (don't laugh!  promise you won't laugh!) about whether I would know what to DO with a slave once I had him.

Okay, you can laugh, that sounds so silly!  <chuckle>  But honestly... once he was at my feet, that very first 5 minutes, all those doubts fell away.  Over those 3 weeks, I found my feet and was coming up with ways to deal with slave's insecurities, to help him rein in and control his runaway emotions.  And actually, I was doing VERY well, but since he was an over-the-road trucker, I could not BE there to force him into compliance, with the result that away from me he was always on the rollercoaster, and I couldn't yank him off it like I could when he was here.  Perhaps if I had been a more experienced Domme I would have been able to handle him more effectively... or perhaps a more experienced Domme would have gotten a clue faster and dumped him sooner, I don't know.  But I do know that I feel much more confident now, despite everything, and more "setttled" in my identity as Domme, and no, NOT in any particular hurry to accept another slave! LOL.  Yes, I'm looking, and even have several hot prospects, but this time I'm NOT rushing into anything!!!



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 6:51:06 AM)

We have all been fooled even those of us experienced in the lifestyle. I dont think you will have any problem being a Domme. If you know who you are then you can be that. All you can do is learn from this and move on. Good, honest ones are out there.[:D]



MHOO314 -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 7:41:00 AM)

LadyM: Your candid honesty at this moment is a shining tribute to being human---we have all said it and yet we ignore it at the end of the day  WE ARE HUMAN--we are not robotrons--we have feelings, emotions, needs and wants and because we do ( Dominant or submissive)--we are at the mercy of life!
 
LadyM, My dear Friend, for you to put yourself out here speaks volumes of your Dominant Woman skills- yet more of your strength to say, whoops I'm not perfect---deal with it---and yes there is a transition from Dominant to Dom/mina--(its gender neutral too folks, men have it too)-- and just because we are Dominant does not exclude us from joy, passion, fear, mistakes in judgement, it does not exclude us from hurt--when One or one finds what they think may be the end of a search and the start of a new journey there is excitement, that new blush, not always the clearest thinking---
 
Lessons learned, more resolve, wiser eyes--and remember two things:
 
1. Leopards do not change their spots--ever.
 
2. Dear Pagan Goddess, no pagan martinis are ever served with even numbers of olives, its always odd--so you will get yours with 3!



MsWillAdore -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 7:47:29 AM)

Anyone notice that the OP hasn't posted very much and definitely hasn't acknowleged that LadyM blew him clear out of the water?  Fuck that guy.... I mean c'mon... he's so distraut that he starts a thread & in one of his last postings he states that someone has taken him under Her wing & that he is at peace now?  He was so broken up about the failed relationship, he posted in here, found someone else to help him work out his kinks...etc, in a matter of days?  Talk about a fucking LOSER!

Keep your head up LadyM... you are a beautiful woman & someone true..honorable and all that other good stuff will come along.



Calandra -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 7:50:03 AM)

(fast reply)
 
I have spent telephone time with the Op. I have to admit, he starts off very carefully... dosen't mention anything sexual or scene related (which are red flags for me - usually indicative of someone fantasy based) however my instincts were still firing. I simply couldn't put my finger on it at first... Then I went back and re-reviewed his profile and I wondered why he had (expert) next to so many things.... silly me, dead giveaway right there and I'd missed it.
 
Thank goodness I "got it" in the early stages.
 
I noticed that he wasn't eager to continue when I explained that in my poly household, he had to pass muster with cubs and nomi BEFORE I'd accept him even for training... I haven't heard from him since.
 



LadyHugs -> RE: I don't know what I should do now... (6/24/2006 8:13:45 AM)

Dear LadyMorgynn,
 
I am so sorry that you fell victim to someone who wasn't being truthful.  It is unfortunately something a lot of female dominants must contend with. 
 
As mentioned at times on different posts, that there is always another side to the story.  Interesting how things change when both stories are told.
 
What has happened here, is that we all have been made a unwitting victim to his side of the story. But, like the other ladies mentioned, when it got to sickening sweet credibility was lost as it came across insincere.  The advice is sound though but, the truth was skewed.

I'm sure the mid-Atlantic area, such as the Carolinas and Virginia might need to awaken their guards, as to prevent the fella from putting in a toe hold to the cheap place to sleep scam of a trucker. 

Just know that with each slave/submissive, you learn a lot of lessons.
It is the journey and creates the tapestry that is "you."

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



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