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Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 9:45:06 AM   
AzSubBound2Love


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		I'm curious to know if anyone is or has been in a similar D/s dynamic as mine. I have two Dominants. They are in a relationship, and I am Their submissive. I have a mixture of responses in the community, those who don't know the dynamic look a me as if I'm insane when I say "my Owners" or "my Dominants." I would love to know someone who can relate to this type of situation, because no one seems to understand what it's like to serve two who act as one.

Snowflake
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 9:50:01 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		You need to find a larger group of people. Your situation is not that uncommon. I can count among my personal friends at least 5, who have multiple owners

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to AzSubBound2Love)
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RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 9:51:48 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		It's unusual to hear of a community that responds so weirdly to a fairly common arrangement. =p A Dominant couple with a sub. It's everywhere. I agree with Missokyst - find a bigger community.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 9:52:56 AM   
AzSubBound2Love


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		It's not really the multiple owners thing I don't come across, it's the multiple owners who are in a relationship/living together. I know several subs with multiple owners, but they don't interact with eachother. Their time is split up between the Owners.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 9:54:57 AM   
AzSubBound2Love


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		Lol I'm in a big city with a big community, but still have no one who relates. The search continues :-p

(in reply to AzSubBound2Love)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 9:56:20 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		TNDommeK is part of a Dominant couple that have two (?) submissives within their family.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to AzSubBound2Love)
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RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 10:18:09 AM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AzSubBound2Love

I'm curious to know if anyone is or has been in a similar D/s dynamic as mine. I have two Dominants. They are in a relationship, and I am Their submissive. I have a mixture of responses in the community, those who don't know the dynamic look a me as if I'm insane when I say "my Owners" or "my Dominants." I would love to know someone who can relate to this type of situation, because no one seems to understand what it's like to serve two who act as one.

Snowflake


Many people who are on a "unicorn search" or found their "unicorn" already are Dominant couples. This stuff was even in the Bible. Abraham had a second wife...who was also his wife's slave.

Within the munch groups I belong to, and MAsT, people are used to complicated poly relationships.

(in reply to AzSubBound2Love)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 10:22:23 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I'm barely in the BDSM community and I know couples like this. More to the point, if someone said something to me that I found incomprehensible I'd simply ask some questions. I understand that my personal definition of the words "owner" and "dominant" are not the same as everyone elses. So if I found myself confused by you having two owners it'd be simple enough to ask a bit about how it works out in real life.

That being said, I have a very, very tight marriage. If Carol were dominant we could easily be co-owners of someone. It would work fine until she and I fractured somehow and if that happens then I have way worse problems to worry about than unclear chain of command.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AzSubBound2Love)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 10:28:19 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Funny. Most of the time, people wonder why MP and I don't own anybody together, rather than separately.

Of course, until folks get to know us as a D/D couple, a lot of people tend to assume that one of us must switch, at least within the relationship. Some people just can't imagine that two people with Dominant personalities might just be in love with each other.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 10:30:55 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		Your situation isn't that unusual.
I know many dom/me and several dom/dom couples who have subs/slaves together.



_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to AzSubBound2Love)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 10:33:37 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Funny. Most of the time, people wonder why MP and I don't own anybody together, rather than separately.

And I find that equally curious. In my mind it's easy to see why a dominant personality might want their own toys. It's also a given that any dominant personality I would actually respect would be able to play nice with another dominant personality -- especially one they love. So to me both paths seem perfectly reasonable.

When I look at a dominant personality who can't play nice with other doms what I see is a "baby-dom"... one that might grow into actual dominance when they get themselves under control better and become more self-assured. But in the current state I see them as pups.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 11:00:07 AM   
AzSubBound2Love


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		I love having two Dominants that work so well together, and with me. We are very happy, things just fit. As several pointed out, it does seem to be that question, does one Dominant switch, in my case no. We all have very similar etiquette so some things will be deferred to Sir, not because He is Dominant to Mistress, just because we all feel it is a male role or choice.... If that makes sense. I'm sure as time goes on I will meet people and make friends with subs who relate.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 9:18:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

And I find that equally curious. In my mind it's easy to see why a dominant personality might want their own toys. It's also a given that any dominant personality I would actually respect would be able to play nice with another dominant personality -- especially one they love. So to me both paths seem perfectly reasonable.

When I look at a dominant personality who can't play nice with other doms what I see is a "baby-dom"... one that might grow into actual dominance when they get themselves under control better and become more self-assured. But in the current state I see them as pups.

People that love each other don't necessarily do things the same way. We have two entirely different styles about us. Plus, it's My firm belief that he has to grow his own Dominant legs and be fully responsible for how a dynamic works on his own before trying to share one.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/8/2013 10:27:58 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's pretty common. Nothing unusual about it. It would only be unusual if neither knew about the other or they didn't live together or speak to each other. Then that could be a nightmare waiting to explode.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to AzSubBound2Love)
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RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/9/2013 8:24:10 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AzSubBound2Love

It's not really the multiple owners thing I don't come across, it's the multiple owners who are in a relationship/living together. I know several subs with multiple owners, but they don't interact with eachother. Their time is split up between the Owners.


The second situation that you mentioned is actually much less common than the first.

D/D couples who share a sub is a pretty common thing. But having a sub serve two different Doms/Dommes is less common because many Doms/Dommes don't like to share. Those who serve multiple unrelated masters tend to do so in more of a "bottom" role. It's common to see someone "bottom" for multiple "tops", but far less common to see a slave who actually belongs to two different masters (particularly when the masters don't know one another). Some would call that cheating.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to AzSubBound2Love)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/9/2013 9:33:57 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
People that love each other don't necessarily do things the same way.

I think we're in complete agreement.

Let me try to clarify. I have zero respect for the position that says, "I'm dominant so I can't play nice with other dominant personalities." That's not dominant. That's simply childish. The viewpoint lacks in both self-discipline and self-control if nothing else. Accordingly I find it quite possible that two dominants... particularly ones who have other reasons for being on the same wavelength (eg: love) should be able to share a sub/slave/property/whatever.

That doesn't mean I think it's mandatory or even automatically desirable that such sharing occurs. In point of fact the obvious thing of "I like to play with my own toys" is perfectly understandable even without your more significant reasoning. Hence my comment that I Found people wondering at how you chose to do things "curious". It seems pretty obvious to me.

BOTH options seem pretty obvious to me -- given stable, well adjusted dominant personalities.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Co-Tops and Co-Dominants - 3/25/2013 11:18:43 AM   
Ravensnake


Posts: 146
Joined: 8/17/2008
Status: offline 		Not been in that situation and currently unowned, I'd be happy with 2 owners so long as they were male and seeking what I have to offer. They would have to be comfortable with each other...and me. For me, shared between 2 is not a problem.
I have been in sessions with 2 dominants but its not quite the same as being owned/shared.

_____________________________

Dont rattle your sabres at me as an introduction. Be polite and I'll respond in kind.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 17
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