breagha
Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact A fast reply from the other side of the kneel. Before anything else, I want to put something out there. Quite often, people transpose the words "need" and "want" at their discretion. They honestly don't have the same definition. Needs are the things that a person must have to sustain. Wants are those things that they would like to have, but aren't especially necessary. This doesn't mean that 'wants' to make our lives and our relationships happier and brighter. It just means that wants not being fulfilled aren't going to mean an end. With that said, if a human's needs are not being met, food, clothing, shelter, medical care........ Yeah, GTFO. That's probably not really what you are asking though. Since you probably really are talking about wants, let Me assure you that most people, even Dominants, don't always get all of their wants met. Hey, I want it to be 70 degrees F outside right now. It's not. I can't command it and My boy can't provide it. At the same time, I'm not going to cease living or be unhappy without it. What some people skip in talking about needs and wants is how important they really are to them. From there, part of the deal is to start setting priorities. (Something I consider to be a Dominant's job if they are in charge of the relationship.) If I want something, but it's going to be damaging to the relationship, well, I've got a choice to make. In our house, clip wants to be of service. On the other hand, I like to be the person making dinner. Which is more important? I have a demo to present but clip has to be somewhere else? I get a demo bottom, even though I would have preferred clip in that spot. Now, unless you are into some form of drudgery, everybody enjoys their wants coming to fruition at least some of the time. Unhappy slaves don't remain in dynamics very long. Something in there has to feed their nature. If I denied clip all forms of service, he wouldn't be happy, even though I like doing most things for Myself. (I call this 'accepting service with grace' but that's another topic.) Knowing that he wants to do things for Me comes into play in making My decisions about who does what. It's not a matter of the M's need/wants being more important. It's honestly about which 'want' is most important when looking at the big picture. Thank you for your reply Lady Pact. i am one of those people who tends to transpose want and need on occasion. i realise that the need that is being unmet here is a want. i also realise that it is a fairly big want, one that could eventually end my relationship if it continues to go unmet. i know that i will indeed survive ( not matter what way my relationship goes ). your post made me think further though... what of emotional need? is that just a want? i'm generalizing this to be in all relationships and not just a love/romantic relationship. Psychologically we, as human beings, tend to thrive and develop/grow better when there is an emotional bond present in our lives. there have been many studies done on how important nurturing and bonding with other people actually is to our well being. i referenced earlier a moment where i said i needed him to be there for me ( when my dog died, a very intense and emotional time for me ). i would have gotten through the ordeal without his presence. it would have been a lot harder to deal with though had he said that this particular need ( want? ) wasn't important enough for him to actually be there for me. i welcome your ( and everyone else's ) thoughts on this.
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"Consumed with memories that preceded today; given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away"
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