|
AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Long Distance Communication Strategies (3/9/2013 2:23:02 PM)
|
I'm finding it difficult to think of any helpful suggestions. I think maybe we have very different definitions of 'slave' because I don't see how someone can be giving you total control and power if you don't even have a reliable way of getting in touch.
We started out long-distance (US-UK) so for the record, I'm not just being awkward. But it was so hard. For a long time, we just chatted with no expectations. I wouldn't submit to someone I couldn't trust completely, so it wasn't a quick process, and we were both aware that chatting online it is easy to get a false impression of a person. Even if you are both trying hard to be honest, when communication is limited your brain fills in the gaps and it's easy to imagine this person as your perfect fantasy - with an online relationship you never see how they're a slob who leaves dishes in the sink for days, you never hear them snoring, you never see if they treat the waitress badly at a restaurant... etc.
What I will say is this - go buy a phone card. I lived in student accomodation in London at the time and lots of the little shops surrounding the area sold phone cards - about 300 minutes worth for £5, so about a pound an hour, which was a very reasonable investment considering we were crazy about each other. Ask at the newsagents and if you're struggling to find them go into an area with a large percentage of immigrants, the shops there will all stock them because people need them for calling home abroad.
We did send each other packages and letters - there's something very romantic about a hand-written love note.
He didn't give me orders and I didn't submit until a) we had met in person and knew we were interested in going further and b) we had regular, lengthy contacts. He would have been irresponsible and unrealistic to try and give me rules and orders without knowing me well and being able to keep a close eye on how things were going. He needed to know my work and study schedule, know if things were worrying or upsetting me, learn how I responded, and hear lots of feedback on my point of view. Point is, I'd avoid treating her as a slave until you have met and know each other very well. If not, you are bound to make poor orders because you don't have enough information to go on. The result of that? She does them and screws something up in her life, she does them wrong and you both get frustrated, or she just doesn't obey in which case you've got no dynamic.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you. But I do think you're perhaps being a bit hasty in calling her your slave based on the small amount of contact you have had. She might turn out to be a nutter. At best she's someone you fancy, and might get with in the future if things go right.
Oh and another thing I learnt - you both need to start looking at your lives now and decide whether one of you will be in the position to uproot and move to each other. I know it's too early to plan for that, but if it's not a possibility for either of you, then why continue? The visa process to come to the UK (unless she is an EU citizen) is something you need to plan for well in advance. You need to prove you have a relationship and it's harder than it sounds. And then there is the potential isolation, the money issues and all the other things that go with moving to another country. Again, not being negative, but we've been through this. We also had to get married very quickly to meet visa requirements - it's not for the faint hearted.
|
|
|
|
