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RE: Control. - 3/13/2013 2:28:42 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
You know I have to say, I love reading your posts. Very well written and thought out.

In my not-so-humble opinion, KoM is one of the wisest posters on this site.



Thank you to both of you. I am kinda speechless with your thoughts here... thank you again.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Control. - 3/13/2013 2:57:57 PM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		It's sexy. Control is at the core of the relationships I have. It tends to flow pretty naturally with a dominant man who is into control.

I wouldn't at my age and stage and responsibilities to my children cede control over my career/earnings/money children or rather it can be ceded back to me, but other things it is pretty extensive and largely determined by the man I'm with and what he likes. For example when I stayed with a boyfriend he decided what we did pretty extensively. I haven't had anyone who wasn't interested in listening and ensuring I was kept reasonably happy so I've not felt negative aspects of control. Obviously how someone looks and what she wears can be controlled. I suppose when with a man I would ask such as to eat or go to the loo.

I suspect the bigger risks for people are not in whether he wants to say what you wear but if he is a risky itinerant with no ties and no idea about stable lives who asks you do to ridiculously risky things because he lives his life with nothing to lose and if you don't, then it's foolish to get involved with such people. Some people also gives up careers or move countries for things that may not work out which is a bit silly. I would certainly counsel against people giving up control to people who are pretty useless or incompetent who might take bad decisions. Eg you don't give up your money to some idiot who spends all money like water unless you are very foolish. You don't give up your job to some man who says he will provide when he has no history of being a good provider and even if he does best not to unless he marries you and even then probably best to keep your career going.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Control. - 3/13/2013 5:52:48 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
holding divorce over someone isn't how I'd personally run my railroad.

Actually, it's "being released" which is held over her head much more than being divorced. The divorce thing is a pretty unlikely scenario, I just happened to use it as an example. But I do not consider stating my boundaries in a clear and concise fashion "holding it over someone's head". I think of that as "dominance"... if you do X then Y will result. And yes, for a very small number of X's, then Y = "divorce".

In point of fact I'd argue that when it is so critical that divorce is actually an option is the BEST time to be crystal clear about cause & effect. Muddy boundaries are bad. Muddy boundaries with massive consequences are simply disasters waiting to happen.



I couldn't agree more. When Master reminds me that if I don't agree or don't want to, there's always the door. I don't see it as him holding it over my head but more as him making sure I remember just exactly why we are together and where we stand and what I agreed to. As Master always says, for all actions there is a consequence.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Control. - 3/14/2013 8:04:31 AM   
PainCompliant


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/15/2006
Status: offline 		I seek control. While I have a submissive nature, I am also independent and have resented/resisted authority all of my life. I always challenge boundaries, strive to gain back any control a situation has forced me to cede.

For me, control is another man imposing his will. The removal of options. Forcing structure. Mental conditioning. Achieving unquestioning obedience.

True control is dynamic. There is no off/on switch. It has to be reinforced. The need to reinforce may ebb over time, but it never disappears. I have trouble with a control relationship that offers breaks in the control. If I know a man as a friend, it is pretty much impossible for him to realistically control me. In this, I am self-destructive. One of my defense mechanisms in a control situation is to attempt to build a friendship. Once that happens, the edge needed for the level of control I seek vanishes.

All of which sucks for me because there aren't that many people interested in or capable of providing the degree of control that I seek.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Control. - 3/14/2013 9:13:10 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I couldn't agree more. When Master reminds me that if I don't agree or don't want to, there's always the door. I don't see it as him holding it over my head but more as him making sure I remember just exactly why we are together and where we stand and what I agreed to. As Master always says, for all actions there is a consequence.

It's probably worth noting that at least for me this is not a single directional thing. I, at least, would sure as hell appreciate knowing that if I give Carol a certain command she will divorce me. I can make up my mind what I want to do about that but I'd very much like that knowledge. I really, really do not like dancing in minefields with a blindfold on.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Control. - 3/14/2013 2:27:35 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I really, really do not like dancing in minefields with a blindfold on.



You always have such unreasonable expectations.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 26
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