Do you put your pets first? (Full Version)

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smartsub10 -> Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 8:08:49 AM)

Recently, within the past few months, there has been two occasions when it came time for a first meet the men wanted to arrange the date around their dogs' routines. One guy didn't want to meet in the evening because his dogs would "freak out" if he left them alone in the evening so we would have to meet for lunch. The dogs were fine to be left alone during the day because they were used to him being away when he was working. The other said he couldn't meet later than 7 p.m because he had to take his dog for a walk and couldn't trust his adult son (who is living with him) to walk the dog.

Maybe I'm being over sensitive but, really? Not wanting to disrupt your pets routine so that you could potentially have a relationship with someone? I have a cat so I don't have the worry of walking my pet and the cat certainly doesn't freak out if I leave him alone. I couldn't see how a relationship could ensue with a person who needed to date around the dogs' needs.

I work full time and have a crazy schedule so trying to arrange meeting times is tough enough. Then, to further have to consider Fido's needs is a bit too complicated for me.

So, I told both of these guys, forget it. They both thought I was being unreasonable. Not being a dog owner I'm wondering. Am I being unreasonable?



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 8:18:32 AM)

I have a dog who is old (11 years old) and a little clingy when I'm home, but he doesn't flip out and destroy things when I'm gone, no matter what time of day it is. =p I've worked a bunch of different jobs, gone to school, left for college, moved several times with him - he just knows that eventually I'll be back,and he goes to sleep. =p

There is a lot of pet spoiling going on these days, though. A lot times, the spoiling just exacerbates neurotic behavior that people find "cute" or "endearing." Or they keep a high energy dog without enough exercise, in a house or apartment with lots of breakables. Some people create situations that foster destructive and neurotic behavior and then they don't know what to do about it, so they begin to live their lives around the moods of an imbalanced doggie. I would probably be weirded out by that situation, too, honestly, and I AM a dog owner.



DarkSteven -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 8:22:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

Recently, within the past few months, there has been two occasions when it came time for a first meet the men wanted to arrange the date around their dogs' routines. One guy didn't want to meet in the evening because his dogs would "freak out" if he left them alone in the evening so we would have to meet for lunch. The dogs were fine to be left alone during the day because they were used to him being away when he was working. The other said he couldn't meet later than 7 p.m because he had to take his dog for a walk and couldn't trust his adult son (who is living with him) to walk the dog.



Maybe I'm too suspicious, but it sounds to me like the "dogs" might have been wives.



smartsub10 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 8:25:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

Recently, within the past few months, there has been two occasions when it came time for a first meet the men wanted to arrange the date around their dogs' routines. One guy didn't want to meet in the evening because his dogs would "freak out" if he left them alone in the evening so we would have to meet for lunch. The dogs were fine to be left alone during the day because they were used to him being away when he was working. The other said he couldn't meet later than 7 p.m because he had to take his dog for a walk and couldn't trust his adult son (who is living with him) to walk the dog.



Maybe I'm too suspicious, but it sounds to me like the "dogs" might have been wives.



No, the guy with the "freaking out" dogs has several pics of his dogs on his profile. They're his whole world.



Kaliko -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 8:31:48 AM)

While I understand the demands that having a dog places on a person, I would be very wary of someone who can't do something because of their dog. How many activities would you have to refrain from if you were to be in a relationship with him? You could never go to dinner in the evening? You would have to be home by 7 every night? And someone who can't trust their adult son to take the dog out has control issues.

As a onetime dog owner I can say that no, you're not being unreasonable. While accomodations certainly do need to be made, giving up nighttime outings is not reasonably one of them.



smartsub10 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 8:38:07 AM)

Thanks, Kaliko, that makes perfect sense. If someone has small kids, I'll bend over backwards to accommodate the needs of the children. Dogs? I don't want to be second fiddle to an animal.



jlf1961 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 8:42:29 AM)

From my profile:

quote:

15) On any given night, one or two of my dogs sleep on my bed, they were here first, if you dont like it, sleep in the closet.



smartsub10 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 8:52:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

From my profile:

quote:

15) On any given night, one or two of my dogs sleep on my bed, they were here first, if you dont like it, sleep in the closet.



My cat sleeps with me. I have no issue with animals sharing the bed. But, I know some people hate it so it's a good idea to include the fact that your dogs sleep with you in your profile.



LaTigresse -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 9:06:40 AM)

To be honest, mostly yes.

Now let me explain. When I brought my three dogs into my home, I did so with full awareness of the responsibility I was accepting. Because I've always had dogs, I understand their needs and what is required to care for them. Regardless of how I am feeling, or what I might rather be doing, I do my best to make sure I care for their needs as I agreed to do when they became a part of my family. Many times that is at the expense of other activities and occasionally, time with people I love. I cannot go on trips or take vacations with those I love as easily and often as I would prefer. I can't go out for hours directly after work. These are sacrifices I make because I've chose to have these dogs as part of my life. What they give me in return are well worth it.

Now, how much would I sacrifice my already accepted responsibilities and the welfare and happiness of living creatures I love, that give me much joy in my daily life, to meet someone I don't know and may, or may not, come to love or wish to share my life with......well, that is going to be a, case by case, basis. What will the degree of me, slacking on my responsibilities to my pets be, versus, what am I asking of the other person? Are they able to meet me another time? If so, then yes, I will expect someone interesting in being my slave to bend their time to what suits me and the responsibilities I already have. If she has a problem with that, then she will never be MY slave........period.

Now, if she simply cannot meet with me at a time convenient to me and my other responsibilities, due to her own life responsibilities, I expect we can work out a compromise together. If we can't, then it would be my belief that the potential relationship is not important enough to one, or both of us, to bother.

OP........as a dominant person that would be meeting someone as a potential slave, your petulant tone would be a huge turnoff to me. Please understand that I am not saying you have no value as a human being. What I am saying is that for ME, as a dominant woman, that meets with women as potential slaves, the mindset they have towards me, meeting with me, what is important to me, my family and loved ones..........for her to place herself as more important than what is already so important to me.........she would be sealing her fate as NOT a part of my life.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 9:10:23 AM)

Yes.



igor2003 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 9:13:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

Recently, within the past few months, there has been two occasions when it came time for a first meet the men wanted to arrange the date around their dogs' routines. One guy didn't want to meet in the evening because his dogs would "freak out" if he left them alone in the evening so we would have to meet for lunch. The dogs were fine to be left alone during the day because they were used to him being away when he was working. The other said he couldn't meet later than 7 p.m because he had to take his dog for a walk and couldn't trust his adult son (who is living with him) to walk the dog.

Maybe I'm being over sensitive but, really? Not wanting to disrupt your pets routine so that you could potentially have a relationship with someone? I have a cat so I don't have the worry of walking my pet and the cat certainly doesn't freak out if I leave him alone. I couldn't see how a relationship could ensue with a person who needed to date around the dogs' needs.

I work full time and have a crazy schedule so trying to arrange meeting times is tough enough. Then, to further have to consider Fido's needs is a bit too complicated for me.

So, I told both of these guys, forget it. They both thought I was being unreasonable. Not being a dog owner I'm wondering. Am I being unreasonable?


In a word...yes, I think you are being at least a little unreasonable. To me, a good way to judge the character of a person is to see how they treat their pets. When you get a pet or pets you are accepting the responsibility for the care and well being of a living, feeling creature. Very little irritates me more than people that neglect and/or ignore their "pets". Every pet is different, and every pet's needs are different. If a person has pets, and I found out that they were neglecting their pets in order to go on a date with me, it would be the last date I would ever go on with them. But if I learned that a person wanted to see me bad enough that they tried to work out a way to do so around the other things going on in their life, including their pet's needs and schedules, then my respect for that person would step up a few notches.



smartsub10 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 9:44:30 AM)

quote:

OP........as a dominant person that would be meeting someone as a potential slave, your petulant tone would be a huge turnoff to me. Please understand that I am not saying you have no value as a human being. What I am saying is that for ME, as a dominant woman, that meets with women as potential slaves, the mindset they have towards me, meeting with me, what is important to me, my family and loved ones..........for her to place herself as more important than what is already so important to me.........she would be sealing her fate as NOT a part of my life.


Well, I am not a slave. Not even a submissive. I'm a bottom so to say my tone is "petulant" is a little over the top. But, I see your point. I don't expect anyone to dump their beloved pets off at the closest shelter so they have an opportunity to be with me. You misinterpreted my question if you got the idea that I don't understand the responsibilities of pet ownership.




smartsub10 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 9:50:33 AM)

quote:


In a word...yes, I think you are being at least a little unreasonable. To me, a good way to judge the character of a person is to see how they treat their pets. When you get a pet or pets you are accepting the responsibility for the care and well being of a living, feeling creature. Very little irritates me more than people that neglect and/or ignore their "pets". Every pet is different, and every pet's needs are different. If a person has pets, and I found out that they were neglecting their pets in order to go on a date with me, it would be the last date I would ever go on with them. But if I learned that a person wanted to see me bad enough that they tried to work out a way to do so around the other things going on in their life, including their pet's needs and schedules, then my respect for that person would step up a few notches.


Perhaps my writing style leads you and others to believe that I don't respect pet ownership and responsibilities. I have a pet. I love my cat. I would want a potential partner to accept that. If anything, I seek out men who have pets because animal lovers tend to be more sensitive individuals.




angelikaJ -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 10:06:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

Recently, within the past few months, there has been two occasions when it came time for a first meet the men wanted to arrange the date around their dogs' routines. One guy didn't want to meet in the evening because his dogs would "freak out" if he left them alone in the evening so we would have to meet for lunch. The dogs were fine to be left alone during the day because they were used to him being away when he was working. The other said he couldn't meet later than 7 p.m because he had to take his dog for a walk and couldn't trust his adult son (who is living with him) to walk the dog.

Maybe I'm being over sensitive but, really? Not wanting to disrupt your pets routine so that you could potentially have a relationship with someone? I have a cat so I don't have the worry of walking my pet and the cat certainly doesn't freak out if I leave him alone. I couldn't see how a relationship could ensue with a person who needed to date around the dogs' needs.

I work full time and have a crazy schedule so trying to arrange meeting times is tough enough. Then, to further have to consider Fido's needs is a bit too complicated for me.

So, I told both of these guys, forget it. They both thought I was being unreasonable. Not being a dog owner I'm wondering. Am I being unreasonable?


re: The second guy who needs to walk the dog- my guess is he knows how long the dog can hold it and has learned that consequences of going past the window of ability to do so when his son blows it off or 'forgets'.
Your cat uses the kitty box.
A dog will go on the floor and their mistakes are bigger than a cat's.
Plus for dogs that are housebroken, well it is upsetting to them to have to go where they know they aren't supposed to go.

I think to expect someone to completely disrupt their schedule (and those of their pets) for someone they don't know is being unreasonable..but I don't know why a later (post-walk) dinner wouldn't have worked for the second man.

I think compromise and accommodation are important things in any relationship.
Part of being a responsible pet owner is understanding your pet so you can appropriately respond to their individual needs.
You were unwilling to adjust.

It doesn't make you a bad person; what it says is that someone with a pet that is not low maintenance is incompatible with you.



Kirata -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 10:07:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

To be honest, mostly yes.

This.

K.



OsideGirl -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 10:16:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub1

So, I told both of these guys, forget it. They both thought I was being unreasonable. Not being a dog owner I'm wondering. Am I being unreasonable?


Maybe.

My dogs have always been okay with being left alone and having odd schedules.

But.....One of my friends had a dog that had severe separation anxiety. The dog had become somewhat okay with his owner's routines, but if he left the house for longer sections of time outside of the routine, the dog would destroy the house. Ate the couch one time. Busted down doors another time. He finally ended giving the dog to a family with a lot of kids with a stay at home mother because it got to be too much.

I will say if that's what he's dealing with, it will impact your relationship and you should decide before hand whether you're willing to have that in your life. I declined to date a man because he was the father of the most obnoxious child I had ever met and I knew I wasn't up to dealing with it.



phoenixasubbie -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 10:18:27 AM)

I have two dogs and they are elderly. They have been with me their whole lives and have routines. It is much harder for them to make a change than it is for me to finagle the timing of something.

For example, I really hate to spend the night away. On the occasion I do, I make a major effort to take them out as late as possible and get back as soon as I can the next day.
They can't hold it like they used to....and it is my responsibility to take care of them.

I made that commitment when I brought them home. They give me immeasurable love and comfort. No way I would ever not consider their needs when they are going to be affected.



needlesandpins -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 10:20:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

Recently, within the past few months, there has been two occasions when it came time for a first meet the men wanted to arrange the date around their dogs' routines. One guy didn't want to meet in the evening because his dogs would "freak out" if he left them alone in the evening so we would have to meet for lunch. The dogs were fine to be left alone during the day because they were used to him being away when he was working. The other said he couldn't meet later than 7 p.m because he had to take his dog for a walk and couldn't trust his adult son (who is living with him) to walk the dog.



Maybe I'm too suspicious, but it sounds to me like the "dogs" might have been wives.


the above was exactly my first thought.

now i have dogs, and a horse. i've had lots of pets at any one time and i accept the responsibilities that go with them. however, i do treat my pets as pets, not children. therefore my pets know the rules of the house, and that means you are not allowed on furnature, and you most certainly are not allowed on MY bed because you have your own.

my respnsibilities to my pets are to make sure they are fit, healthy, fed and watered, exercised, and loved. they can have all that without being nurotic about when i am going to be home. i'm lucky in that at the moment i have a large, enclosed garden and my dogs can be out as much as they like when i (or my son) am at home.

generally i can fit anything in at any time because my pets can be catered to around anything. were i to be meeting someone else with pets i would expect the same. i'm an adult which means i may want to go out at night, or even go away over a couple of nights. that means my pets have to fit in with that because someone else (usually my son) has to see to them. i have played second fiddle to someone else's child, and that is something i will never do again. while someone else has to accept my pets, and the part they play in my life they certainly wouldn't be playing second fiddle to them. i most certainly won't play second fiddle to a pet, so to that end if a guy couldn't see me on a night because of a dog, then i wouldn't want to be seeing him anyway.

needles



Kaliko -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 10:21:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

If a person has pets, and I found out that they were neglecting their pets in order to go on a date with me, it would be the last date I would ever go on with them.



If going out to dinner could possibly equal neglect, then that pet requires more than any one person could accomodate. If that person goes to work, goes grocery shopping, goes to the bank, and otherwise socializes outside of the home at some point in their lives, then surely they could manage to find a way to dinner with a potential partner.

quote:



But if I learned that a person wanted to see me bad enough that they tried to work out a way to do so around the other things going on in their life, including their pet's needs and schedules, then my respect for that person would step up a few notches.



Well, of course. And that's what I mean. I have cats. And I've had a dog. And when I need to be away from them longer than normal, I have someone come in and take care of them. Or I adjust my schedule to take care of the pets perhaps a little earlier and then go out.

Is this really rocket science? If you have a pet - great! I love animals. But if you have pets, kids, a mother, whatever...it's not unreasonable at all for your partner to expect that you will be able to go out. At night. Just the two of you.

I would have difficulty believing someone who said they couldn't go out at night because of their pets. Because if you never venture outside of the home for a few hours at night? Ever? Because of your pets? (Or kids. Or mother.) That's fucked up.



smartsub10 -> RE: Do you put your pets first? (3/10/2013 10:22:01 AM)

Oside, I believe you understand where I'm coming from better than others who read my post. Thanks for that.



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