can any experienced master help me on this one ?

can any experienced master help me on this one ? (Full Version)

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Docem -> can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 4:21:31 AM)
Hi all doms. I am writing for a request for help / suggestions. Here goes the story : I have this sub friend that I know for a while and we really like each other, matter of fact we recently ended up together. Point is : she has different kinks than me. And I mean way different. I would appreciate any help or suggestions from those who are willing to spend a few minutes of their time to share ideas with me. Best to all

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 4:30:51 AM)
It seems that it comes down to two simple questions: - Are you both willing to indulge each other's kinks? or - Are you both content to go without the kinks that the other person doesn't share? If you can answer yes to one or both of the above, no problem. If you can't, then it's time to find someone else. No point getting into a relationship if you know in advance that one or both of you aren't going to be happy.

Docem -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 4:36:13 AM)
Hi thanks for your kind reply. Answer would be "yes" to both question. The issue that is puzzling me (and I am 200% sure her too) is "how".

DarkSteven -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 4:41:49 AM)
Okay. First off, you're in China. I don't know if there's an active kink scene there, where you can simply attend local events and meet others and watch public play. If so, go. Second, what kind of activities? If you're talking puppy play or sensation play, just go ahead and try stuff. If you're talking needle play and breath play, things with substantial risks, I'd advise you to hold off.

RedMagic1 -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 4:47:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Docem Hi all doms. I am writing for a request for help / suggestions. Here goes the story : I have this sub friend that I know for a while and we really like each other, matter of fact we recently ended up together. Point is : she has different kinks than me. And I mean way different. I would appreciate any help or suggestions from those who are willing to spend a few minutes of their time to share ideas with me. Best to all First, I'd recommend you post this question to the Asian group on FetLife. Fet isn't blocked by the GFW, and, when I was posting in that group, there were quite a few active members in China. Second, are her kinks things that you are curious about, and want to try? Or are they things that make you say, "Hell no." Same question about your kinks. Does she want to try them because they are part of you, or does she want to stay away from them? The answers to those two questions will probably tell you where you are.

Docem -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 4:54:35 AM)
Hi and thanks for your advice. I realize from your and Athena's feedback that maybe I had to put more details (I am in a break from my overtime work today...sorry all). Yes I am in China and so is she. Actually pretty close to each other so yeah, no internet stuff. No I am not talking about needle play or breath play since I have no experience in those and I prefer not to mess up with things I don't know. Plus needle play is very much a hard limit for her. I would like to know if anybody here has a suggestion on how we should introduce each other to our kinks (the ones that we don't share already). We are pretty communicative and we talked about this issue. However we both had little question marks popping up our heads when we started thinking on "how shall we procced".

Docem -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 5:00:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 First, I'd recommend you post this question to the Asian group on FetLife. Fet isn't blocked by the GFW, and, when I was posting in that group, there were quite a few active members in China. Second, are her kinks things that you are curious about, and want to try? Or are they things that make you say, "Hell no." Same question about your kinks. Does she want to try them because they are part of you, or does she want to stay away from them? The answers to those two questions will probably tell you where you are. Hi. none of us is reluctant of trying each other's kink. (we wouldn't have ended up together in that case). Again, would be mostly "how do we work this out". I have never been introduced to my ex-sub's kink so its pretty new to me. Frankly Fetlife is not so serious and I prefer this website.

kalikshama -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 5:30:10 AM)
quote: I would like to know if anybody here has a suggestion on how we should introduce each other to our kinks (the ones that we don't share already). My guy introduces elements slowly, one element at a time, for example: Scene 1 - pantie gag Scene 2 - duct tape over pantie gag Scene 3 - pillowcase over head over duct tape over pantie gag (With discussions on how to safeword while gagged.) We will be able to give you better advice if you say exactly what your and her kinks are.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 5:13:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Docem I would like to know if anybody here has a suggestion on how we should introduce each other to our kinks (the ones that we don't share already). We are pretty communicative and we talked about this issue. However we both had little question marks popping up our heads when we started thinking on "how shall we procced". Slowly, with baby steps and with much discussion. Talk about it first. One day, try one of her kinks and one of yours. Err, if you must on the side of not going far enough, than of going to far. Afterwards, talk about how it went, what you liked, what she liked, how it could be made better for each and for both of you. Then intensify.... slowly. When you've got a modus vivende on those two kinks, add a couple more, again, one for her, one for you. Don't be surprised when you and/or she finds out you like some things you didn't think you would and don't like other things you thought you would. Fantasy and reality are different.

elelohesterling -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 5:38:19 PM)
To be honest. I would have a vanilla relationship with a prospective sub before you start a 24/7 D/s dynamic, as if you can not handle the pressures of vanilla, you are in no way ready for a D/s dynamic, in my humble opinion, at least not on a 24/7 period. It took until after we were married for my wife/sub and I to go the 24/7 route, and let me tell you, while gratifying, it is a lot of work. Without the trust I built up by treating her right in our vanilla relationship, I doubt we could survive the struggles and pressures of the 24/7.

HisPet21 -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/12/2013 7:18:10 PM)
It probably depends on the specific kink involved except that, of course, communication is key in all cases!

Dyfrynt -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/15/2013 11:15:47 AM)
OP, I confess to confusion about what you are asking. You know enough to delete those kinks the other does not want. That leaves the ones you are at the very least willing to try. You should proceed as you would proceed with any session when you are introducing something new. Carefully and with a lot of focus on how the other is handling the situation. Being ready to change course midstream or quit completely if things take a downturn. You seem to be on a fairly even keel to me. Trust your instincts, pay attention, and communicate with each other a lot.

TNDommeK -> RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? (3/15/2013 11:25:50 AM)
Op, tell us the kinks you want to ease into. Mostly because I'm mosey and want to know.

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