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It's midway between guinea pig time and chinchilla time.

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Not to take the spot light off of the hilarious MC Hammer parody or the ultra cool hip hop Kia hamsters but I can't help being reminded of my favorite sound bite from a morning radio show telling the story about Eric Tomaszewski, his lover Andrew "Kiki" Farnum and their felching session gone wrong with Raggit the pet gerbil.

Felching with a Gerbil (audio sound bite with slide show)

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ORIGINAL: fartinmynostrils
A South Park episode depicted "hamster time" as when a gay guy shoved a live hamster up his butt.

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ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Not to take the spot light off of the hilarious MC Hammer parody or the ultra cool hip hop Kia hamsters but I can't help being reminded of my favorite sound bite from a morning radio show telling the story about Eric Tomaszewski, his lover Andrew "Kiki" Farnum and their felching session gone wrong with Raggit the pet gerbil.

Felching with a Gerbil (audio sound bite with slide show)

How can you not enjoy an ass eating cum sucking story that starts out with one of the homosexual lovers saying, "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil" and ends in the "Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital"?

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Analysis: Despite being attributed to the Los Angeles Times, the "news story" above is anything but news. Nothing of the kind ever appeared in the LA Times, or any other newspaper for that matter. Any editor worth his or her salt would instantly recognize it for what it is — a joke (more specifically, a joke bordering on an urban legend because it's alleged to be true). Variants of the story can be found in message board postings dating back to 1993.

Note that the term "felching" is used in reference to the particular sexual activity that takes place in this story. This isn't the time or place to provide a clinically correct definition of the term, but it behooves me to inform those unfamiliar with it that in this instance the word has been, um, sorely misused.

For further discussion of "gerbilling" myths, including my own cranky reflections on the genre, see "Richard Gere and the Gerbil."

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Origins: Contrary to widespread public belief, Gerbil "gerbil-stuffing" is unknown as an actual sexual practice, nor are we aware of a verified medical case of a gerbil having been extracted from a patient's rectum. Despite the assiduousness with which doctors record unusual items removed from patients' rectums in order to write them up as illustrative cases, we haven't yet found a medical journal article involving a gerbil removal. (Doctors, like most people, often repeat urban legends and stories told to them by others as first-person experiences, hence our standard for declaring this true is a peer-reviewed journal article rather than anecdote.) The notion of gerbilling (not necessarily restricted to homosexuals — the insertion of items into the rectum for purposes of autoeroticism is practiced by heterosexuals as well) appears to be pure invention, a tale fabricated to demonstrate the depravity with which "faggots" allegedly pursue sexual pleasure. (While people do stick all sorts of unusual items up their rectums, they also do so for reasons other than sexual
pleasure.)

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Armageddon. The safe word for when "red" just isn't enough.